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Posted on 04/30/2011 10:02:07 PM PDT by JustAmy
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Recently, in a large city in Australia , an advertising poster
featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a gym.
It said, “This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?”
A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman
on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.
To Whom It May Concern,
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans.)
They have an active sex life, get pregnant and have adorable baby whales.
They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp.
They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia ,
the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia .
Whales are wonderful Singers and have even recorded CD'S.
They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans.
They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.
Mermaids don't exist.
If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices
of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to an identity crisis. Fish or human?
They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to
mention how could they have sex? Just look at them ... where is IT?
Therefore, they don't have kids either. Besides,who wants to get close to a girl who smells
like a fish store?
The choice is perfectly clear to me: I want to be a whale.
P..S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny
people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner
with a man who makes me shiver, and a piece of chocolate with my friends.
With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and
wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it's distributed to the rest of our bodies.
So we aren't really heavy...we are just enormously cultured, educated and happy.
Beginning today, whenever I look at my butt in the mirror I will think,
^Good grief, look how smart I am^
I don’t even know how to respond to this!!!
Thank you for this!! Means so much!
Very cute, Yorkie!! :)
Abusers never change. Remember the movie The Burning Bed?
The experience they receive during the season helps them learn how to be entertainers.
Hope you had a lovely day, Geo.
LOL
Thanks for the funny graphic, Teenie.
Hope you had a beautiful Tuesday.
LOL
I hope everyone was as lucky as I was. :)
Thank you, Teenie. We ‘preciate it.
A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?"
She said, "I'd love to be ten again."
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park.
He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. Everything there was, she had a go.
She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.
Into McDonald's they went, where she was given a Double Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake.
Then off to a theater to see Star Wars along with more burgers, popcorn, cola and sweets.
At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.
Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"
One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually I meant dress size."
Ahh, Yorkie. Thank you for that great graphic and cute poem. Thank you for helping out at our place. I appreciate your daily contributions.
Hope your day was Terrific.
“The End is Near”
A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” They held up the sign to each passing car.
“Leave us alone, you religious nuts!” yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the curve they heard a big splash.
“Do you think,” said one clergy to the other, “we should just put up a sign that says ‘bridge out’ instead?”
“The End is Near”
A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” They held up the sign to each passing car.
“Leave us alone, you religious nuts!” yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the curve they heard a big splash.
“Do you think,” said one clergy to the other, “we should just put up a sign that says ‘bridge out’ instead?”
“What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.” - Mark Twain
“Real Skill”
There was a rich man who was deliberately hard on his farmhand. He gave him a bottle and said, “Buy me a bottle of wine.”
The farmhand asked, “How can I buy you wine with no money at all?”
The rich man said, “Anyone can buy wine with money. It takes real skill to buy wine without money.”
After a while the farmhand returned with the empty bottle. He handed the bottle to the rich man and said, “Enjoy the wine, please.”
Staring at the empty bottle, the rich man asked, “There is no wine, how can I enjoy this?”
The farmhand said, “Anyone can enjoy wine if there is some. It takes real skill to enjoy wine when there is none.”
“An explanation of cause is not a justification by reason.” - C. S. Lewis
Sailing vs. Shopping
— Bob Meyerson
After we had lunch with another couple, the women went shopping, and the men opted to go sailing. Bad decision—a storm blew in while we men were out on the water.
Making matters worse, the tide had gone out, grounding the boat. We had to climb overboard and shove it back into deep water.
As my friend stood there—ankles deep in muck, muscles straining against the weight of the boat, and rain pelting his face—he grinned broadly and with unmistakable sincerity said, “Sure beats shopping!”
Good Eulogy
The pastor asks his flock, “What would you like people to say when you’re in your casket?”
One congregant says, “I’d like them to say I was a fine family man.”
Another says, “I’d like them to say I helped people.”
The third responds, “I’d like them to say, ‘Look! I think he’s moving!’ “
Was the weather down there as nice as it was up here? Sunny with a slight breeze...wonderful!
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