Yeah, #15 doesn't work for 'Mr. Crackerjacks'. He jumps on my shoulder, every single weekday morning, for his free car ride.
Posted on 08/11/2013 1:32:57 PM PDT by Utilizer
Thought some of us could use a bit of a break today, and remembered a differing post just the other day.
Cats are better than women because:
1. Cats don't care how much money you have. Good cat food and a warm place to sleep and you are golden.
2. Cats do not understand the concept of breakfast in bed. Start opening the can or the bag of food and they are on the way.
3. Cats dislike chocolate, sneeze on flowers, and attempting to buy them nice clothes to wear will only make them strut away in disdain. They already have fur coats.
4. Cats don't worry about you hogging the remote control or whether or not what you are watching is "sensitive" enough. Use it as an impromptu backscratcher for them and you can watch sports or action flicks all you want. Although they may occasionally use it as an improvised mousetoy.
5. A cat will love you forever.
6. Cats don't care if you see other cats. Or even dogs, generally.
7. Cats don't wonder if you still love them. They know you do.
8. You can wear cutoff shorts and sneakers all you want, and a cat will not make any snide comments about slobs, sloppy attitudes, or holy clothing whatsoever.
9. If you decide to sleep in on a weekend instead of mowing the lawn, there is never any problem. Sleep is a concept well-accepted by all cats.
10. Cats don't care if you decide not to shave for a couple of days, or grow a moustache, whiskers being a normal part of their concept of beauty.
11. You can eat four cheeseburgers, four large fries, and a six-pack (or two) as many times as you want, and a cat will never look askance at you or start making rude "piggy" sounds while you do. Heck, they may even sit there and wait for you to pass along tidbits while you are doing it.
12. Cats don't care if you buy them presents on their birthdays, being generally unaware of birthdays or other such occasions.
13. Cats don't care if you remember their mother's birthday or if you make any disparaging remarks about the old battle-axe.
14. Cats don't try to borrow money from you.
15. Cats don't care about the car you drive. Heck, cats don't care about cars at all -unless you are bundling them off to the vet.
16. Generally speaking, cats are the ultimate optimists, never being the type to go crying over spilt milk.
17. Cats don't care about how many other cats you might have known in the past.
18. Cats don't get insecure if you talk about working with lots of beautiful cats that they don't know.
19. Cats don't sabotage your work clothes with perfume when you mention that you are scheduled for a business meeting where another cat will be present.
20. Cats don't go through your wallet or pockets after an important business meeting looking for the sudden appearance of previously-unknown phone numbers.
21. Cats don't go crying to their mothers when you forget some "important" occasion, like for instance your three-month anniversary.
22. Most importantly, if you have had such an incredibly difficult day that all you want to do when you come home is sit in front of the telly with a cold one, instead of bothering you with demands to 'talk about it', they just want to come over and curl up in your lap to join you.
And then there’s “Why dogs are better than men” .....
They're 100% pussy?
Only if you prefer more slobber, luvvie. *snicker*
But then cats will eat spiders. Dogs just look at them. Quizzically.
Why cats are better than women, by Claude Balls.
Then again, I forgot how much you appreciate sloppy kisses. *grin* (ducks!)
Why dogs are better than men...
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Dogs always think you’re smart and don’t make fun of your shortcomings
Dogs are willing to sleep on a rug and fetch on command
Dogs spend less time worrying about hair loss
Old buddies don’t show up on doorstep unexpectedly
Dogs are utterly disinterested in professional sports
Your parents find them easier to like
Dogs are rarely jealous of your former boyfriends
Dogs are willing to hold your purse in public
Unlikely to roll over and lose consciousness immediately following intense play
Dogs don’t complain when you want to go for a walk
Dogs are willing to eat anything you put on their plate and will always want more
Dogs tend to bath themselves daily, men must be encouraged to do so
You can put a dog in a crate when you don’t feel like having it around
Dogs expect to go outside on leashes... men think they can do everything on their own
Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you’re gone.
You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
Dogs feel guilt when they’ve done something wrong.
Dogs don’t brag about whom they have slept with.
Dogs don’t criticize your friends.
Dogs admit when they’re jealous.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs do not play games with you — except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you’re together.
Dogs don’t feel threatened by your intelligence.
You can train a dog.
Dogs are easy to buy for.
Dogs are good with kids.
Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
You are never suspicious of your dog’s dreams.
Gorgeous dogs don’t know they’re gorgeous.
The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
(OK. The *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there’s a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
Dogs understand what NO means.
Dogs don’t need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
Dogs don’t make a practice of killing their own species.
Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
Dogs do not read at the table.
You can house train a dog.
You can force a dog to take a bath.
Dogs don’t correct your stories.
Middle-aged dogs don’t feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
Dogs aren’t threatened by a woman with short hair.
Dogs aren’t threatened by two women with short hair.
Dogs don’t mind if you do all the driving.
Dogs love to dance
Dogs don’t step on the imaginary brake.
Dogs admit it when they’re lost.
Dogs don’t weigh down your purse with their stuff.
Dogs look at your eyes.
Dogs like your size.
Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
Dogs take care of their own needs.
Dogs are color blind.
Dogs aren’t threatened if you earn more than they do.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
Dogs are nice to your relatives.
Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them.
Dogs don’t care how you dress.
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Oops! That last was for SkyDancer...
Yeah, #15 doesn't work for 'Mr. Crackerjacks'. He jumps on my shoulder, every single weekday morning, for his free car ride.
Cats don’t even care that they can’t afford a $38K “handbag”...
14. Cats don’t try to borrow money from you.
One of my Siamese cats would routinely go through the purses of any visitors. On one occasion, he proudly removed a Five Dollar Bill from the handbag of a guest and obediently proffered it to my (ex) wife.
Without missing a beat, she admonished him,
“Bucko, how many times have we gone over this? Nothing smaller than a twenty please...”
LOL. Thanks for that reflection.
DANG! I agree! And I’m not a guy!
LOLZ!
Hey, what's between you, the jar of peanut butter and your Great Dane... well, that's your business. :P
*lol*
I hate to say this, but that actually choked me up! *still coughing*
No, they mark you every time they see you no matter where you are going so other cats you might encounter know who you belong to.
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