Posted on 09/08/2014 8:00:06 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
If brevity is the soul of wit, can it also breathe life into bad movie descriptions? Twitter users had fun over the weekend coming up with obscure, sometimes humorously misleading summaries for the plots of famous films on the hashtag #ExplainAFilmPlotBadly. Here’s a look — we’ve provided stills, but can you recognize every film?
What makes a great “bad” plot description? Turner Classic Movies writer Rick Polito set the standard back in 1998 when he summed up The Wizard of Oz like this: “Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again.” (And yes, Polito’s summary fits in a tweet with five characters to spare.)
WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY
Eccentric confectioner (and his dwarf army) force industrial accidents upon his most loyal customers” (Neil Studd, @neilstudd)
TITANIC
“Two people fall in love on a boat. It sinks and she did not love him enough to share her plank of wood.” (Trevor Bates, @Captain_Revo)
“Debutante sleeps with deckhand, who later drowns.” (John Ekdahl, @JohnEkdahl1)
SAVING PRIVATE RYAN
“Tom Hanks dies on a French bridge because Matt Damon was stubborn” (RJ Moeller, @rjmoeller)
THE EXORCIST
“The budding relationship between a young girl and her unexpected visitor is threatened by a pair of meddling priests.” (John Scalzi, @scalzi)
TOP GUN
“Navy pilot breaks rules, does dippy stunts, gets buddy killed, freezes in combat, somehow considered hero” (Ed Morrissey, @EdMorrissey)
THE GODFATHER
Young WWII vet travels to Italy before trying to lead a quiet life running the family business.” (Stephen Green, @VodkaPundit)
GODFATHER II
“An Italian-American entrepreneur inherits his family business and tries to make it in the corrupt gaming industry.” (Daniel W. Drezner, @dandrezner)
GODFATHER III
“Italian crime family does some stuff and Kay gets all offended.” (Allysen, @ADPEfferson)
It's a happy ending for all moviegoers when Sofia Coppola is shot to death in the end” (John Podhoretz, @jpodhoretz)
FINDING NEMO
Dad fish sends son fish to school and the THE SCHOOL LOSES HIM ON THE FIRST DAY wtf kind of lesson is that” (darth, @darth)
RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK
“1930's U of Chicago professor shoots sword-wielding Islamic extremist, setting off the events that led to 9/11” (David Burge, @iowahawkblog)
“College professor with tenure ignores classes while helping the Nazis track down a religious artifact.” (Sonny Bunch, @SonnyBunch)
STAR WARS
“A boy befriends a bearded hermit and two gay robots, goes into space, snogs his sister and kills his dad.” (Team Wyn, @WynRichards)
“A bearded man introduces an impressionable teen to an outlawed religion then trains him to become a foreign fighter.” (Saladin Ahmed, @saladinahmed)
ALIEN
“A rambunctious extraterrestrial plays hide-and-seek with the exasperated crew of a starship.” (John Scalzi, @scalzi)
JAWS
"Shark just doing what sharks do; gets blown up by vindictive fishermen.” (Sean Trende, @SeanTrende)
TRADING PLACES
“A black guy and a white guy financially ruin two old white dudes. Also there's a prostitute.” (Allysen, @ADPEfferson)
BLUES BROTHERS
"Two ex-cons play music and destroy a fleet of police cars for God.” (Jim Jamitis, @anthropocon)
“First Amendment activists must battle bigots, Nazis, and the Chicago Police Department to save a Catholic orphanage.” (Popehat, @Popehat)
BRAVEHEART
“Unkempt man in skirt makes new friends, tries to overthrow British government.” (Scott Lincicome, @scottlincicome)
SOUND OF MUSIC
Captain seduces nun” (John Podhoretz, @jpodhoretz)
“Irresponsible singing nun thwarts wedding, marries wealthy man herself, aids and abets family of fugitives.” (Razor, @hale_razor)
ET
“Small illegal immigrant with weird glowing finger eats Reese's Pieces, asks to call his parents then gets deported.” (Ben White, @morningmoneyben)
SLEEPING BEAUTY
“So this girl, she's asleep. Some guy kisses her unconscious body. She wakes up. Perv.” (Kacey, @KaceycaK)
WIZARD OF OZ
“First they dropped a house on her sister and jacked her shoes. Then they do a home invasion and melt her.” (Dave the Black Guy, @Realdaveblack)
“Kansas farm girl suffers from debilitating concussion during a tornado.” (Sonny Bunch, @SonnyBunch)
ROSEMARY's BABY
“Woman becomes surrogate mom for eccentric couple next door, gets a rad haircut” (Cathy Young, @CathyYoung63)
THE SIXTH SENSE
“Little kid tells dead guy he's dead.” (John Nolte, @NolteNC)
SPEED
“Bunch of people are stuck on a Los Angeles bus for 2 hours.” (John Nolte, @NolteNC)
BACK TO THE FUTURE
“Kid goes back in time to make sure his mom marries crispin glover. CRISPIN GLOVER.” (darth, @darth)
“Kid goes on joyride after mentor's murder by terrorists in order to go back in time and steal Chuck Berry's career.” (Ed Morrissey, @EdMorrissey)
GHOST
Dead dude uses wacky black chick, righteous bros and some hot pottery to make out with living girlfriend.” (Robert A. George, @RobGeorge)
GLADIATOR
“Emperor Commodus outwits his generals, bringing joy to the Roman people through a series of avant garde performances.” (Popehat, @Popehat)
SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
“FBI agent solves a series of baffling murders with the help of an unorthodox psychiatrist in this 90s era rom-com.” (Popehat, @Popehat)
THE HUNGER GAMES
“Adorable kids are released in a lush forest where they try to murder each other for fabulous cash prizes.” (Jazz Shaw, @JazzShaw)
FORREST GUMP
“Mentally challenged guy explains his life story. At a bus stop. For 3 hours.”(John Nolte, @JohnNC)
CITIZEN KANE
“Sled aficionado dies and all the non-sled-related events of his life are recalled.” (Frank J. Fleming, @IMAO)
AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH
“Al Gore worries about things he ignored when he was Veep” (Richard Tol, @RichardTol)
ROGER & ME
“Fat millionaire chases thin millionaire around Michigan with a microphone” (David Burge, @iowahawkblog)
STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI
“Farm kid finds that beating an imperial tyranny in one battle is like kissing your sister.” (Ed Morrissey, @EdMorrissey)
HOME ALONE
“Privileged Cook County boy violates the Geneva Conventions on two downwardly-mobile house thieves.” (Michael B. Dougherty, @michaelbd)
GHOST BUSTERS
“Four guys strap nuclear devices to their back, conjure up angry marshmallow giant, and blow up the Upper West Side” (Ed Morrissey, @EdMorrissey)
KARATE KID
“Old Japanese man tricks kid into waxing '46 Ford” (David Burge, @iowahawkblog)
LORD OF THE RINGS
“Racially diverse group journeys to a volcano to destroy jewelery.” (LOTR Reactions, @LOTRReacts)
“Everyone's really keen for a hairy dwarf to throw some jewellery into a volcano. Only he can do it for some reason.” (James Cook, @jamescook)
MRS. DOUBTFIRE
“A divorced Dad goes drag to stalk his kids and ex-wife” (Nolan O’Brien, @NolanOBrien)
HARRY POTTER
An orphan tries to save the world from a guy who has no nose. they battle to the death with magic sticks” (HarryPotterReactions, @PotterReacts)
WAR OF THE WORLDS
“Aliens invade earth, catch cold, and die.” (Jim Jamitis, @anthropocon)
AIRPLANE
“Pilots and crew eat the fish. Former pilot overcomes PTSD to land plane with inflatable autopilot.” (tacoeater, @tacoeater)
BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID
“A guy and his good looking buddy go to Bolivia to rob banks and then they get trapped and are screwed.” (Oddballs@Geniuses, @CelebDumbTweets)
THE MALTESE FALCON
A desperate woman thinks that a private investigator will help her retrieve missing property— but he frames her for murder instead.
Sergeant York: “Hillbilly pacifist backslides, takes it out on Boche turkeys”
DAVE
Making destructive liberal policies sound warm and fuzzy.
THE MAN WITH ONE RED SHOW
What? the title didn’t tell you?
SNAKES ON A PLANE
See above.
Iron Eagle: Lou Gossett, Jr. sh**s all over his Best Supporting Actor award for An Officer and a Gentleman.
Peter Jackson’s King Kong:
“Dinosaurs fall off cliffs for what seems like hours. And dammit none of them land on Jack Black”
Irony is the darndest thing.
It’s a Wonderful Life
Bad-tempered guy stumbles around in white soap flakes for an hour or so until some irritating chubby angel convinces him to get over himself.
Sling Blade: Mentally challenged misanthrope commits matricide, gets parole, fixes mowers, eats fried taters, commits homicide.
SUMMARY OF ALL JAMES BOND MOVIES...
Secret Agents Leaves Trail of Destruction, gets the blonde, the brunette and every babe in between.
Not a film, but an episode of Star Trek TOS:
Amok Time: Mr Spock gets the mating urge and attacks Captain Kirk.
THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL
Superior aliens arrive on Earth to teach liberalism to Mankind.
Ping.
After Earth: The expected results of combining nepotism with an over-hyped director.
ANIMAL HOUSE
Students get drunk.
Kelly’s Heroes: Army misfits and proto-hippies make deal with albino; steal Nazi gold.
TRON
Stunning 8 bit graphics.
Treasure of the Sierra Madre
Treasure seekers and a fortune in gold dust get blown away. Director's father gets to dance.
The Poseidon Adventure
New wave cinema overturns expectations for a lovely cruise.
The Longest Day
Some British and American soldiers decide to visit France. Germans object. Gun play ensues.
"Ceterum censeo 0bama esse delendam."
Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)
The Shootist:
“Never mess with the bartender. Unless you’re Ron Howard.”
True Grit:
“Glen Campbell’s lousy acting counterbalanced by the fact that in the end, he dies”
AVATAR: Pocahontas In Space
Its a wonderful life: egotistical narcissist daydreams how his entire hometown would turn into a ghetto if it werent for his existence alone.
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