Condolences.
So sorry for your loss. Blessings.
I’m very sorry about your loss. My father died last November after a long battle with Alzheimers.
If you left your sister in charge and she chose non-Catholic music, that’s just what you get. Funny story, a deacon at our parish in Oklahoma died, and at the service for his viewing, one of our parishioners who had been a Methodist minister and a Gospel singer sang, “How Beautiful,” by Twila Paris.
Later, he got up to talk about the deacon, who had been instrumental in his conversion, and said, “If Lee were able to talk to me right now, he would say, ‘Damn it, Larry! Why couldn’t you sing something Catholic?’!”
lee, I’ve seen your posts over the years and have liked them a lot.
Don’t worry - you did all you could. We had a funeral of a former priest in our cathedral for which my sister, an organist and choir director, had been asked by the family to provide music. This included some of the music that the former priest had loved and had asked his wife (married, obviously, after he left the priesthood) to make sure were sung at his funeral if he predeceased her.
But then the cathedral rector shut it all down, kicked my sister out, and reduced the family celebration to the world’s most awful music hacked out by the ten-left-thumbs music director. The latter did it because he held the chair and wanted the money. But apparently, the rector perceived the deceased’s last request as too conservative and a challenge to him (the rector).
I’m sure neither the deceased’s wife and family nor the organist (my sister) had anything like that in mind, but you can’t control the nuttiness of a parish or pastor.
In short, it’s not your fault, you did what you could, and Our Lord has already got it under control. Blessings.
I threw away the clothes and shoes I wore to my kid’s funeral, too
Understand completely
Condolences, It has been 32 since my father passed, and I still find myself thinking: What would dad say?
Condolences. But look at it this way, you did not have to listen to any Marty Haugen pablum. Haugen is not even Catholic (he’s United Church of Christ, which is dead dead liberal), yet somehow he worked his way into the current Catholic hymnal, along with his colleague Dan Schutte.
I am sorry for your loss.
I am sorry for the lost opportunity for a poor, underemployed, or homeless person to wear the suit that you could not bear to wear again.
You denied yourself a blessing by failing to bless an anonymous stranger.
Sorry for your loss. This reminds me of attending a nice Baptist wedding where we arrived early to get a seat. I picked up the hymnal and scanned the index. Not a single song with the name Mary in it. I thought, how weird, to shun the Virgin Mary but I was Catholic and that is how I think. But it was a nice wedding in any case. It would have been better with Ave Maria.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
So sorry on the loss of your father. Regarding funeral music...make a list for your own funeral. My mother has her list in her Bible. “For All The Saints” is first and foremost for her.
Hang in there. Losing a parent is rough going. :(
I’m sorry for your loss.
I’m not Catholic, but it seems to me the music should have been. I understand not wanting to upset your sister, but IMO she should have been concerned about not upsetting you with Baptist/secular music choices for your Catholic father.
It was nice of the author to share his reflections. It’s a once in a lifetime event when one loses a parent for sure.
Reconciling good memories with dissatisfaction with how things were handled at the deceased funeral goes a long way to make a better memory. As for the suit ensemble ? If it were me I would have donated it to the local thrift in hopes some who needed would be able to purchase it at a fair price for whatever it was intended for.
“Praise to The Lord, The Almighty” originally written by Joachim Neander, a German Calvinist. “Onward Christian Soldiers” was Anglican in origin. Of course, the Catholic hymnbook now contains Martin Luther. So when speaking of traditional hymns, I’m not sure Catholic is the modifier.
sorry for your loss....we all grieve in a different way. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, just don’t try to stop the process, we must all go through it in our own way.
My druthers would be for a full Gregorian chant requiem mass in the extraordinary form (with the Dies Irae Sequence). Now that would be truly Catholic music. We’ve lost so much.
Condolences
May Christ’s peace comfort you in your grief.
Pre service music
Are you afraid to die with a Billy Graham comment lead in & sang by Rick Skaggs
I don’t feel at home in this world anymore Ricky Skaggs
Down to the river to pray
Help Me Larry Gatlin Kris Kristofferson
Amazing Grace Judy Collins
Lazarus Come Forth The Bishops
Service
Darkest Hour Emmylou Harris Rick Skaggs
Green Pastures Harris & Skaggs
Jesus Hold My Hand Vern Gosdin
When my wife passed earlier this year I think our oldest daughter picked the music out which was fine by me. Kinda relieved me actually. I know one of the songs was "There ain't no grave gonna hold my body down" that was often sang in her church years ago. That song meant a lot to my wife.
Funerals are for the survivors to help them grieve and for friends and family to gather, give thanks to The Lord for their life, remember the person who died, and share in the hope of in eternity being reunited with them.
We didn't care what persons wore. I wore coveralls and my orthopedic boots. The only thing we did get irked about was someone picking it as a venue to "come out". IMO that was disrespectful to all involved.
Grieve however you want. Throw out any anger or resentment about the music... just like you did with the suit. You'll be better off for it.