Posted on 08/17/2017 9:44:34 PM PDT by nickcarraway
Q: I’m a 50-year-old guy who’s been divorced for about a year. I’m beginning to date again, but I’m uncertain who pays for what. A friend tells me that he always pays for the first date when he goes out to dinner with someone new. But after that, he splits the check 50/50, unless there’s a special reason not to, like it’s her birthday. This sounds reasonable to me. But what should I do if, on the second date, the woman doesn’t reach for her wallet as I reach for mine? My friend says he just tells his date, “It looks like your share’s about $X” and hands her the bill. I’m not sure I’m that brave.
A: We once heard a female comic say: “Of course, I’m a feminist. Not a buy-my-own-drinks feminist, but still a feminist.” Our point is, you’re right to be concerned that some of the women you date may be slow to reach for their wallets. But fear not. You’ll find your own voice for proposing to split the dinner tab as the dates — and the bills — start to pile up. Just to be clear that there is nothing wrong with asking a woman to pay for her share of dinner. The problem with your friend’s “50/50 after the first date” rule is that one size does not fit all. Au contraire.
Even by the second meal out, you’ll probably have a more nuanced financial relationship with a new or prospective romantic partner than you do with, say, a friend at work. So instead of worrying too much about when and how to ask your date to get out her credit card, spend more time considering how you’ll want to handle the situation if you begin seeing someone regularly who has significantly
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“gracious date.”
There is the key term. Manners are no longer common.
“Women who date old men like me”
So, are ya braggin’? ‘cause I can respect that if you are.
The old part
I’m neither rich or single
Thank you. 23 years and running.
Mr. GG2 is a like minded man. :-)
Glad to hear it. I don’t know if he grew up in the confused era of the late 60s and 70s like I did, but, if so, it’s a miracle there are any of us at all.
Yeh tell me about it. :-)
That’s a pretty good plan.
Thanks :)
If a man invites me out on a dinner date, I’m going to expect him to pay. If I ask a man out to dinner, I would expect to pay. Once you’re in an exclusive dating relationship, whomever can afford to pay can pay.
Do you ask a man out to dinner?
Actually, I’m happily married, but when my husband and I were dating, he paid at first, then if I suggested we go out to eat, I’d offer to pay. Usually he paid anyway, but since his job was seasonal, I had no trouble paying when I knew his work wasn’t as steady at times. But then, this was marriage number two, for both of us, and we were 50 and 51. We hit it off immediately, had a several month engagement, then got married. But very early in our relationship, we fell in love. But I made it clear, as soon as we knew it was the real deal, that “I want to be married, and we’re not getting any younger, so if you don’t want to get married, tell me now. It’ll break my heart, but I got along without you for fifty years, and if I have to, I can get along without you for the next fifty years. It’s up to you”. Needless to say, he decided he wanted the same thing. But in an intense relationship like that, I took the stance that every thing I have is yours, and vice versa. I could never win at poker...or could I? ;-)
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