Invade France

InvadeFrance.US ^ | April 1, 2004 | Unknown

[kennedy]

Why invade France?

They've got it coming. More than just a defense for murder in South Carolina, it is true, France has it coming.

Let's get our money back. During World War II the U.S. Spent $288 Billion on kicking the crap out of Nazi Germany. Apparently France didn't and never will appreciate this. Therefore, we propose their paying us back (See chart below for payment schedule).

[kennedy]

[Redcoat LI]

Dude that site kick a$$!

[Skooz]

We'll show the socialists in Spain who's boss by abusing their air space to fly troops in,

LOL! Nice.

[kennedy]

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How To Invade France?

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However you want!
There are more American military bases in Europe than European bases. Why? Because we've had to bail them out of a couple of World Wars so far. See the countries on the map below? We have some sort of presence in all of them. Kick-ass.



Of course, who are we to argue with perfection? We'll stick with what worked in the past, and just come in from Germany. We've got a couple of bases there left over from defeating Hitler (You're welcome, France.) and when we defeated the Soviets (You're welcome, France.).


We'll show the socialists in Spain who's boss by abusing their air space to fly troops in, and heaven forbid we don't let the Irish in on the fun! France has 477 airports... We'll be dammed if we don't use each one!


Of course, we will claim France and all of its natural resources (Read: Funny hats, wine and... well, forget the cheese, grab more wine!). With the area now firmly in control of the U.S., we'll establish a governor (We think it'll be another long lost "Bush-Brother" just to add insult to injury to the Parisians still hanging around) and claim it as the sole "United State of Europe".

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How "peesed off" will they be?

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Well this guy looks like somebody took a dump in his hat, but hell, the French always look like that. After all, the most famous French art is always about being miserable.

On a positive note, the center section of the French flag is a large white stripe. If they tear off the two edges, it makes a perfect banner to carry when they surrender to whomever.

Really though, they'll quickly get used to the occupying force, they've got enough practice. The only tough thing will be getting them not to surrender to anyone else first (In light of the Madrid bombing and bomb findings, France has raised their terror alert level from "run" to "hide." The only two higher levels in France are "surrender" and "collaboration.").

Oh, and if you're French and reading this, we do accept your surrender.

[BlueLancer]

"Over the Hills and Far Away" - modern version;
(from SHARPE'S EAGLE)

Four thousand dollars on the drum,
For those who’ll volunteer to come
And enlist to fight the foe today,
Over the hills and far away.

O’er the hills, we will attack
Afghanistan and then Iraq;
George Bush commands and we obey,
Over the hills and far away.

When duty calls me, I must go
To stand and face another foe;
But part of me will always stray
Over the hills and far away.

O’er the hills, from sea to land,
Iraq, and then on to Iran;
George Bush commands and we obey,
Over the hills and far away.

If I should fall to fight no more,
As many comrades did before,
Then ask the pipes and drums to play
"Over the hills and far away".

O’er the hills, pro patria,
Iran and then Arabia;
George Bush commands and we obey,
Over the hills and far away.

Then fall in, lads, behind the drum,
With colours blazing like the sun,
Along the road to come what may,
Over the hills and far away.

O’er the hills we will advance,
Through Belgium, Germany, and France;
George Bush commands and we obey,
Over the hills and far away."

[Skooz]

This thread has been moved to bloggers.

Bloggers? We now have an area called bloggers?

[Mikey_1962]

The biggest problem that DeGaul had was trying to convince the frogs that there really was a French Resistance.. Honest.... No I'm not kidding... Really...

[kennedy]

Bloggers? We now have an area called bloggers?

It was news to me.

[theDentist]

Here's a simpler plan.

1) Announce we (the US) are pulling all troops from France and Germany, and returning them home.
2) Pull 98% troops from Germany, who will begin to build their Military again, for their own protection.
3) Pull 100% all troops from France.
4) Pull remaining 2% troops from Germany. As we leave, remind them that there are no longer American troops in France, that we shall never come to their defense again, and that the only reason we'd consider returning in a military fashion is if an invading army defiled the graves of our soldiers.
5) Also remind them that the French think that beer is for mongrels.

[Atlantic Friend]

Well, come ask for a surrender man to man, buddy. I'm sure I have one somewhere ready for you. And, while you're into your little fantasy world, "Kennedy", bring Ms Monroe with you...

[Atlantic Friend]

I just love your (dental) plan. Only problem is, there is no US troops in France. Newsflash : these troops left 38 years ago, in 1966.

[theDentist]

I thought we still had a base or two there, under the NATO plan.

[Atlantic Friend]

No, in fact there are one or two French bases that are still open for peacetime use by NATO (like Solenzara air force base in Corsica, as France is still in NATO and as such would open all of her territory to NATO troops in times of war.

Right now, I'm afraid the only US "troops" in my country are the embassy guards and the Secret Service liaison staff in Paris and Lyons.

[kennedy]

My, my. A tad touchie aren't we?

It's a parody. I wouldn't really want the U.S. to invade France. If we did, where would we keep all the French then?

[Atlantic Friend]

Hey, you asked for it, with the invitation to French readers to come offer their surrender.

As for your question, I dunno...I guess you would have three possibilities :

- Massive genocide
- Deportation of all the population
- Occupation of all the territory

Pick your favorite ?