DUmmie FUnnies 06-08-05 ("I'm a DUmmy, and PROUD of it!!!!!")

Self-recognition is the first step in the cure for utter idiocy. Therefore some DUmmies are displaying some hope in this THREAD titled, “I'm a DUmmy, and PROUD of it!!!!!” Yes, once in a while my DUmmie Ants realize they are being watched as this thread reveals. Please remember, DUmmies, that your whole existence is STRICTLY for my entertainment. Of course, that won’t stop me from profiting from the laughs you provide in the future if I can ever get Mary Matalin to make that lunch date with me to discuss a DUmmie FUnnies book (with CD-ROM insert for related comix stories) deal. So now let us look in at our DUmmies inside their Ant Farm looking back at us in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, grateful that the DUmmies are proud to be DUmmies, is in the [brackets]:

I see the latest nickname the unimaginative morans have tried to label us with is DUmmy, or DUmmie. I'll be their DUmmie, or as Val Kilmer's Doc Holliday said,"I'll be your huckleberry".

Who cares what those brainwashed freaks think. I'd rather be a DUmmie than a FReeper

what I don't understand...is the UTTER OBSESSION "they" have with DU. I mean, they follow us like a soap opera, fer cryin' out loud.

[More like a comedy routine. However you do provide some good soap opera with your Drama Queen antics.]

They are starving for ideas. Maybe even they are burning out on repeating the rovian talking points. Oh the name really hurts freeps!

[Every morning a Fedex envelop arrives for me filled with Rovian talking points for me to repeat.]

It's what happens when you remove masturbation as an option their members are too tiny to even pee with so they have to obsess about something else

[Speaking of obsessions: Jeff Gannon, Downing Street Memo, IHOP, MIHOP, PNAC, BFEE, etc..]

I can bet the response to this, no joke. Watch them say: "because you are a soap opera". Or something equally unoriginal.

I understand their obsession. They are soulless, unethical, and un-American, so their obsession is par for the course.

[I’m so soulless and unethical that I ADMIT getting my laughs from pathetic DUmmies.]

There is a poster over there who I am certain is lying about his kid being hurt in Iraq. I think we should start a site investigating this internet fraud being perpetrated on good trusting conservatives who fall for any patriotic story no matter how big a lie it is.

[Uh-Oh! Methinks you have just incurred the wrath of speed_addiction. Stand by for the FIREWORKS!]

At least as ethical as them challenging Andy. Sorry..if Andy is a liar then so is that person..and they certainly have appeared on all the Andy threads..they deserve our investigation

[Funnie how the words “pancreatic cancer” have become TABOO in DUmmieland. Want a quick way to be tombstoned? Then just ask Skinner about Scamdy’s medical status---specifically if he REALLY had pancreatic cancer.]

That parent supports the war...when they challenge Andy's credibility, they put their own at stake

[When you hold up Scamdy as your Poster Boy for Credibility then you know why we call you DUmmies.]

Well, I like DUmmie. Usually I pay no attention to threads concering these "people", but, I like the ie ending.

[I test marketed it and when the DUmmie FUnnies book is published it has been shown that “DUmmie” works out better in the title than “DUmmy.”]

[You DUmmies are crash testing yourselves all the time. However, my favorite Crash Test was on election day when you DUmmies were GLOATING over Kerry’s victory based on the exit polls. Then a few hours later you DUmmies crashed against the harsh reality of the ACTUAL election results. Another Hilarious episode in the endless DUmmie Crash Tests.[

They actually talk about particular posters here as though they know them. I kid you not, like some obsessive psychotic un-fan club: stalkers in other words.

[The critters in my DUmmie Ant Farm often perform in certain predictable patterns that makes them very recognizable. For example that Drama Queen soapbox you frequently emote upon, DUmmie lala_rawraw. However, I’m afraid that DUmmie mopaul has you beat for flat out looniness. When I see one of his posts, it is a guarantee of laughable bile spilling over.]

I'm a DUmmy, and PROUD of it!!!!!

Can you imagine ever seeing the equivalent of this in the Freeper world? It would be "I'm a Freeptard and I'm proud!!!" Yeah, I'm not thinking we'd see it, either.

I see the latest nickname the unimaginative morans have tried to label us with is DUmmy, or DUmmie.

Well, the old nicknames (The Red Menace", "The Soviet Union", etc.) took much longer to type.

I'll be their DUmmie, or as Val Kilmer's Doc Holliday said,"I'll be your huckleberry".

True story: I have that phrase taped to the wall next to my phone so I'll remember to say it when unhinged DUmmie-types call me up and swear at me over on of my op-ed columns.

[Since you aren’t Doc Holliday you can be my dingleberry, DUmmie.]

According to the Kabalarians "first name analysis" website (which analyzes names via numerology), being named "Dingleberry" "creates the urge to be creative and original, [but] we emphasize that it causes procrastination, lack of confidence, and the inability to realize your goals and ambitions. [Like getting Democrats elected and bringing down the BFEE.] This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the fluid systems, and tension or accidents to the head." Wow! Dummies are never happy, never content, always frustrated and spewing bile, so seldom ill that the site reads like the Physician's Desk Reference, and to believe the crap they spew they must have suffered head injuries. Maybe there is something to this numerology stuff...

I'd rather be a DUmmie than a FReeper

But even better, you get the 2 for 1 special: You're a DUmmy and a dummy.

what I don't understand...is the UTTER OBSESSION "they" have with DU.

Two threads a day out of hundreds of threads? If that's an obsession, then we're all obsessed with MadIvan. I hope Ivan's not all creeped out by having 100,000 Freepers stalking him. Seriously though, I never see posts in threads anymore that say, "Look what they're saying about this over at DU," and I don't think it's the doing of the mods. I think we just are so unobsessed that we're quite content to let PJ wade through it for us.

I mean, they follow us like a soap opera, fer cryin' out loud.

Said the shoe salesman, "That shoe looks like it's fitting really well, ma'am. Why don't you wear it home?"

They are starving for ideas.

Yes, our total lack of intellectual prowess is why we own both houses of Congress and the White House...

Oh the name really hurts freeps!

Oh, that's unfortunate, because it's not meant to hurt, it's meant to be descriptive.

It's what happens when you remove masturbation as an option their members are too tiny to even pee with so they have to obsess about something else

pro·jec·tion (pr-jkshn) n. The attribution of one's own attitudes, feelings, or suppositions to others.

Stem Cells = important
Starving Children = nope

At first I was going to make fun of this person, but this is just sad. I mean dang, read a book, or a newspaper, or something! Every time somebody does a study on charitable giving, the red states, GOP and church-goers are shown to give far more than blue states, Dems and non-church-goers. And what's even sadder is this person thinks we're out to protect "stem cells," rather than to promote adult stem cells, which have gotten people out of wheelchairs. Jeez! And they wonder why we call them DUmmies.

I would love to see a comparison of Freeper and DUmmy tax returns, just to see who donates what to whom. Somehow I'm betting a lot of kids are getting fed and educated in the Third World by Freepers, and a lot of kids are getting killed in abortion clinics because the DUmmies are busy donating to PP and NARAL.

I think we should start a site investigating this internet fraud being perpetrated on good trusting conservatives who fall for any patriotic story no matter how big a lie it is.

The folks from LIHOP-Land want to talk about being so dumb you'll believe anything you hear. That is so cute!

Sorry..if Andy is a liar then so is that person..

Sure, that's logical. I mean, I remember reading in the first chapter of my logic textbook: "Allegations of fraud against a cancer patient who should be dead already but is still singing show tunes are equal to the claim that a man's daughter could lose an eye in Iraq." Classic stuff...who says DUmmies don't do logic?

That parent supports the war...when they challenge Andy's credibility, they put their own at stake

Hey, just because the guy stole money from a con artist he was an accomplice to, and went on national TV to say that Jeff Gannon is missing Nebraska boy Johnny Gosh (because, oh my God, THEY HAVE THE SAME INITIALS!) doesn't mean you need to have any doubts about his integrity. Oh, and that, should-be-dead-already thing, pay it no mind.

now that I have your attention. F*CK YOU, ASSHOLES

Such eloquence, how can we ever win against people of such eloquence?

Well, I like DUmmie. Usually I pay no attention to threads concering these "people", but, I like the ie ending.

In fact, he calls his favorite recreational activity "smoking crackie."

I am a Crash Test DUmmie. I hurl myself at obstacles of moran nature.

Is that a terroristic threat against James Moran and his family? Stand by while I call the FBI! Since so many Freepers are armed, the fact that you're alive to type that proves that you lie. I can picture the scene:

DUmmie: "I am insane with anger! I will now beat you to a pulp, fascist Freeptard!"

Freeper: "I don't want to hurt you..."

DUmmie (foaming at mouth): "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!"

Freeper: "Aw jeez." [BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!]

DUmmie: "Everything's going dim...politicize my plight...verifiable paper ballots..."[death rattle]

BTW, thanks, DUers, for calling us "morans." Every time you do it, I think of Battalion Chief Moran, a Freeper who laid down his life for his fellow man on 9/11 in the Trade Center. I appreciate the compliment, though I am hardly worthy of his name.

I am not a DUmmie.

I am not a Freeper. There, we're even.

They actually talk about particular posters here as though they know them. I kid you not, like some obsessive psychotic un-fan club: stalkers in other words.

No, stalkers can usually stand the smell of their victims. Heh-heh!

DUMMIE QUIZ

Are you...
...speaking out against every security measure that President Bush proposes because you claim it will turn America into a "police state" while simultaneously planning to criticize Bush for not doing enough to protect us when we're inevitably hit with another terrorist attack?
...convinced that killing a baby in the womb in OK, while killing a serial killer is wrong?
...terribly disturbed by the idea that Europe might not be happy with us, but fairly indifferent to threat that terrorists present?
...of the opinion that those racist, warmongering, Fascist, Nazi-like, heartless, moronic, evil, Republicans are mean spirited hatemongers?
...horrified when you hear about dolphins being killed in a tuna net, but unperturbed by a woman aborting her own baby?
...wondering if we can "afford" a tax cut while supporting every expensive, new social program proposed in Congress?
...worried that the electronic voting machines might be rigged, but unconcerned about people voting without a picture ID?
...against a draft if it's needed by the military to field a fighting force, but for a draft if it's proposed by anti-war Democrat in an attempt to undercut support for war?
...terrified by the idea of global warming, but only minimally concerned about stopping terrorists who want to release biological weapons in the US?
...opposed to cutting taxes on the middle class and the poor if it means that the rich will get a tax cut as well?
Do you...
...criticize Republicans because you think they judge people by the color of their skin, yet support Affirmative Action?
...think that UN approval was irrelevant when Bill Clinton wanted to go into Kosovo, but that our invasion of Iraq will be "illegitimate" if the UN doesn't approve?
...support going to war for "humanitarian" reasons unless our country will also benefit in some way, in which case you're strongly against it?
...claim that you want a strong economy, yet support almost every regulation & tax increase that comes down the pike?
...enjoy going to anti-war rallies run by Communists who oppose everything our country stands for?
...tend to trust things said by blood thirsty & unbalanced dictators more than you do things said by your own President -- provided that he's a Republican?
...believe that trial lawyers who win outrageous malpractice judgements against doctors and drive up medical costs for the rest of us are really "sticking up for the little guys" who end up paying the bills?
...feel that banning handguns would be a more effective crime fighting tool than severely punishing criminals & "three strikes and you're out" laws?
...think that nations like Iran, Iraq, and North Korea are only minor annoyances and that the United States is actually the greatest threat to world peace?
...point to David Duke, a former Klansman who never won an office above state legislator, as evidence of racism in the Republican party, while believing that having Robert Byrd in the Senate doesn't reflect negatively on the Democratic party?
...admire the "human shields" who went to Baghdad, but think protests in front of abortion clinics should be banned?
...believe that we're rushing to war with Iraq despite the fact that the UN has been trying to convince Saddam to disarm for more than 12 years?
...think Ann Coulter is mean spirited, vicious, & shrill, but Maureen Dowd, Ted Rall, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, John Pilger, Margo Kingston, Tom Daschle, Noam Chomsky, Arianna Huffington, Molly Irvins, Eric Alterman & James Carville (among many others) are nice, sweet-natured, and reasonable?
...tend to be minimally concerned about the victims and potential victims of terrorists, but very concerned about how the terrorists are treated after they're caught?
...feel that the rich must have inherited their money, gotten lucky, or cheated someone to earn their wealth, but that it's society's fault that people are poor?

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