Posted on 07/02/2008 6:46:23 AM PDT by pickrell
In a startling new development in the Salmonella crisis, focus is shifting away from the tomato as the main suspect.
Investigators had previously named the tomato as a "..vegetable of interest.." in the case, but have since sought to backpedal on the pronouncement.
As of noon, tomorrow, over 3,000 law firms have filed Motions of Habeus Chorus against the FDA, seeking billions in legal fees. "The taxpayers must be protected," explained Mary Exmas, a partner in the firm Fennel, Romaine and Kale, "from those who would hold foodstuffs hostage without being charged. They rushed to judgement on the tomato, acting unilaterally without U.N. participation. It is easy to see who will now pay the price."
Fears that roving gangs of victualantes, would wreak ketchup in the streets, have forced authorities into hasty warnings that "-the skyrocketing cost of tomatoes will not be solved by the same old tired policies of planting more and more in this country. Leading experts agree that even if we planted today- we would only see increased amounts of tomatoes, but not lower prices. It would take at least 37 years to have any effect."
Anonomous sources confirmed, "Instead, we must seek, in court- through a Petits Pois action-, to force Mexico to produce more, and thus force down the cost." Attorneys nodded in fierce agreement.
San Fransisco's lead editor added, "We are only a small part of the world's population, and yet we consume a disproportionate amount of tomatoes. No wonder the United States inspires revulsion, distrust and anger everywhere that we publish..."
The point is that if the FDA, in seeking to protect our health, makes an error and is liable, imagine the suits that will be brought for DEATHS in this proposed great health care system?
Yeah, I know, I should have added “<\sarc” in honor of thread.
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