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DUmmie FUnnies 10-01-08 ("Anybody here have pre-birth memories?")
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | October 1, 2008 | DUmmies and PJ-Comix

Posted on 10/01/2008 10:32:53 AM PDT by PJ-Comix

For some reason I am sort of "politicked out" today. Therefore I went to my tried and true DUmmie Astrology forum to find some non-political flat out NUts thread to DUFU. I was not disappointed as you can see from this DUmmie THREAD titled, "Anybody here have pre-birth memories?" You know what I call someone who claims to have pre-birth memories besides being flat out NUts? I call them a liar. And the DUmmies are both. The very earliest memory your correspondent has is when he was three years old and living at Geneva-On-The-Lake in Ohio. Yes, my very first memory in life is of the waves of Lake Erie lashing up upon the shore. I was tossing a beachball into the air while yelling, "Herbie! Herbie!" Herbie being a chubby young companion of mine at the time. I wish I could tell you of the in-depth conversations Herbie and I had discussing politics and philosophy but that is the sum total of my memory of that time. But the DUmmies are somehow on a higher plane in their own minds so some of them claim they have pre-birth memories. You know what? I'm GLAD I don't have pre-birth memories. One thing I don't want to remember is floating inside a womb for month to month bored out of my mind. No TV. No computer. No nothing. Just darkness and the occasional hand shove by someone in the outer world to see if I was there. Yeah, I was there and thankfully I have NO memory of it. So let us now watch the DUmmies as they discuss their pre-birth memories in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, wondering if there is life after birth, is in the [brackets]:

Anybody here have pre-birth memories?

[Wouldn't that sort of be an argument against abortion?]

Not many people talk about it. I have memories from the time before we chose our bodies this time around and planning certain events. Anybody else?

[You want me to believe that Helen Thomas had a choice of bodies? Ha!]

Have you ever read "Journey of Souls" by Dr. Michael Newton?

[No but I'll mark it down as New Age bilge that I have no interest in reading.]

Tell us about your prebirth memories. I don't have any and would love to hear about yours.

[Month 1: Utter darkness. Month 2 thru 8: Utter darkness. Month 9: Utter darkness...no wait! I see some light at the end of the tunnel!]

They are a little hard to describe

but basically I remember being light with no body, just a concentration of light energy. The place we were in, (there were lots of us) was very bright and we were planning our lives. It was almost like a game. We, (the close friends that I would spend this life with) were planning specific events that we would experience together, choosing our parents and such. Even some of the beings that were to be my pets were there. That was part of why they were coming back as another animal, so that I would take care of them.

[What kind of poker were you playing while you waited around? Holdem or draw?]

The best way I can describe the planning is that it was like a simulator where we would see certain things play out and then we would get information like, "this is going to really hurt or you are going to find this a real challenge. It seemed strange at the time but the answer was that once we got to this place, that emotions would be involved and that would make things more difficult.

[Becoming a DUmmie is really going to hurt.]

I also remember each of us going off by ourselves with some guide to plan some individual things, some happy, some tragic or frightening. I also remember that we could merge and become one with a larger light and just become a part of it. And then I remember going into the body before I was born and then parts of actually being born.

[Too bad for the ones that got aborted. No sweetness and light for them.]

My mom was actually shocked when, as a little kid, I kept telling her about this dream I had of a room with steel and these green tile on the walls. And being cold and these people carrying me around. She confirmed it was the room I was born in.

[Lucky you that the room didn't have a sign saying: "Abortion Clinic."]

Anyway, that's about it. It's been with me as long as I can remember

[Thanx for sharing...I think.]

I totally believe you, and this is the coolest damn post I've ever read! Thanks for sharing this. It made my day.

[I BEEEEELEEEEEEVE!!!]

I really wanted to share it because I've only ever told a couple of friends, and haven't heard much discussion about it. I know other people must have experienced it too, as one of the other posts confirmed.

[Somehow I don't think NARAL wants to hear about your pre-birth memories.]

Can you go into any more detail? Anything else you remember?

[What was the Dow Jones average at on the other side?]

Just really random things...like the planning of certain events. I know there are a couple of things that are supposed to happen yet in my life that I remember planning.

[Your confinement to the rubber room is yet to happen.]

All I can remember is the actual birth process. That it was as painful for me as my Mom. I recall going down in a dark tunnel, and being welcomed by a bright light, then getting my butt slapped and screaming. I was born in a boarding house in N.Y. State. I have memories of the house as a toddler, like learning how to get down the circular wood staircase on my butt !! Wish I could remember as much as you. Maybe I could with regression.

[Do you remember the "body sculpting" performed upon your tiny talleywhacker? That's another early memory that I don't miss.]

Wait, you remember going into your body before you were born? I always thought incarnation took place when the human body took its first breath.

[That is more in line with NARAL doctrine.]

I have very fond memories, and at the age of 4 wanted to chuck it all and go back. I had a wonderful group of very loving beings to hang with. Also, making the decisions for this life on that side seemed like a walk in the park compared to how they've worked out on this side. Thankfully the other side still communicates when they can get through to me and they laugh at the serious person I have become over here.

[After Election Day, Nov. 5, I suspect a lot of your fellow DUmmies will want to chuck it all and return to the womb.]

That's very similar to my experiences. It's so nice to see that other people have them too.

[I call those other people your Rubber Room Roommates.]

Um, don't know if this qualifies, but I had a regression to my pre-birth planning session. I was being led to a huge amphitheater by my guide. The Elders were sitting around a giant oval-shaped crystal table. The amphitheater was full of people. I was told that these people were going to be here on earth with me and that I was to "awaken the others". It was very real and I have had this directive verified to me many times since.

[Liar! Everybody knows those pre-birth planning session tables are wood, not crystal.]

I can find out precisely WTF I was thinking when I decided to sign up for participating in the Ascension process. 'Cause the way I feel about it now? Worst. Decision. Ever.

[Another way of saying, "I wish I was never born."]

I ahve done holotropic breathwork a few times..

[Don't we all?]

It is also used for "re-birthing" work, very similar to shamanic journeying... but more physical.

[Shamanic journeying courtesy of sham memories.]

One session, I was "stuck" in the birth canal. The teacher pushed my body physically through her legs, and I really "felt" the pressure of the birth canal, and then they all held me and whispered, "we're so glad you're here!" An experience that I never really had, I know my birth was hard for my mom, I came 10 days early, on New year's eve...and they wanted me to be a new years baby so they joke about having held my mom's legs together till midnight! Little did I know, that I remembered being stuck! I am also very claustrophobic, mostly in the dark, too... And I certainly don't remember my family or anyone saying they were glad to see me. They wanted a boy, and when the doctor told my dad he had another daughter, he said "can i see HIM?" (another thing the family jokes about...haha)

[Too bad your brain still remains stuck in that birth canal.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: dummies
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Anybody else watch that Bizarre Foods show with Andrew Zimmern? One of my favorite shows. I too love eating exotic foods but last night I felt nauseous watching it for the first time. In one episode, Andrew ate an iguana. What made me sick is that the iguana parts he ate actually looked like they belonged to an iguana. I HATE iguanas. I mean I really detest them because they are all over this area and they are not native to Florida. Ugly invaders who eat our flowers. And the next episode, in Samoa, Andrew ate a raw eye of a freshly caught tuna. That is going a bit too far even for me. However, I did get hungry watching him eat that tasty red tuna meat. My favorite thing in sushi!

I would rather eat 10 bags of fried crickets than eat the smallest piece of iguana. However, I'll still watch that show. Eating that giant clam really made me hungry.

Zimmern has the BEST job in the world...except for that iguana eating bit in Trinidad.

1 posted on 10/01/2008 10:32:53 AM PDT by PJ-Comix
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To: PJ-Comix

IBTP!


2 posted on 10/01/2008 10:33:44 AM PDT by GQuagmire (Giggety,Giggety,Giggety)
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To: PJ-Comix

In b4 the ping!


3 posted on 10/01/2008 10:33:58 AM PDT by The_Victor (If all I want is a warm feeling, I should just wet my pants.)
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To: PJ-Comix

4 posted on 10/01/2008 10:35:13 AM PDT by kingattax (99 % of liberals give the rest a bad name)
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To: Xenalyte; RMDupree; AlexW; CzarNicky; Mike Fieschko; motzman; codercpc; thingumbob; tje; ml1954; ...

PING!


5 posted on 10/01/2008 10:35:41 AM PDT by PJ-Comix (I WILL NEVER EAT AN IGUANA! NEVER!!!)
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To: PJ-Comix

bp?


6 posted on 10/01/2008 10:35:43 AM PDT by doorgunner69
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To: PJ-Comix
[You want me to believe that Helen Thomas had a choice of bodies? Ha!]

BWAHAAAAAHAAAAAAA!

7 posted on 10/01/2008 10:36:11 AM PDT by bcsco (Sarah America! Ignore the lipstik at your peril!)
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To: PJ-Comix

So Michelle Obama CHOSE to be that woman so she could be perpetually p*ssed off?


8 posted on 10/01/2008 10:36:56 AM PDT by weegee (Obama's a uniter?"I want you to argue with them (friends,neighbors,Republicans) & get in their face")
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To: PJ-Comix

top 10


9 posted on 10/01/2008 10:37:34 AM PDT by Condor51 (I have guns in my nightstand because a Cop won't fit)
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To: PJ-Comix
They wanted a boy, and when the doctor told my dad he had another daughter, he said "can i see HIM?" (another thing the family jokes about...haha)

Kookoo lesbian now, no doubt. Daddy's fault.

Seriously, it's like an insane asylum over there.

10 posted on 10/01/2008 10:37:35 AM PDT by dead (I've got my eye out for Mullah Omar.)
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To: PJ-Comix
I ahve done holotropic breathwork a few times..

I think he means he has worked on his halitosis breath, but got confused and dyslexic.

11 posted on 10/01/2008 10:38:36 AM PDT by doorgunner69
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To: kingattax

When watching him eat bats, I started to wonder if he ever gets food poisoning? BTW, has Zimmern ever just flat out barfed on his show after trying something really yucky? I thought he was going to do that last night in Samoa when he sampled that snotty looking guts in the bottle.


12 posted on 10/01/2008 10:39:00 AM PDT by PJ-Comix (I WILL NEVER EAT AN IGUANA! NEVER!!!)
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To: dead
Seriously, it's like an insane asylum over there.

Or, the insane ass lie-um...

13 posted on 10/01/2008 10:40:20 AM PDT by bcsco (Sarah America! Ignore the lipstik at your peril!)
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To: PJ-Comix

How about a nice, big plate of slatur... ?


14 posted on 10/01/2008 10:42:35 AM PDT by johnny7 ("Duck I says... ")
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To: PJ-Comix

How can these kooks have “pre-birth” dreams? They are all partial birth abortion enthusiasts! Life doesnt begin for these moonbats until the doctor slaps’em on the ass..


15 posted on 10/01/2008 10:43:43 AM PDT by cardinal4 (Hussein, produce the REAL Birth Certificate!)
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To: PJ-Comix
The Elders were sitting around a giant oval-shaped crystal table.

But they made me eat at the little plastic kiddie table.

16 posted on 10/01/2008 10:45:09 AM PDT by steve-b (Intelligent design is to evolutionary biology what socialism is to free-market economics.)
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To: PJ-Comix
We, (the close friends that I would spend this life with) were planning specific events that we would experience together, choosing our parents and such. Even some of the beings that were to be my pets were there. That was part of why they were coming back as another animal, so that I would take care of them.

How does someone this stupid even remember to inhale?

"Lord, what a gullible breed." -----Agent Kay.

17 posted on 10/01/2008 10:45:22 AM PDT by 50sDad (OBAMA: In your heart you know he's Wright.)
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To: PJ-Comix
the only thing ive ever seen him NOT able to eat was some greenish-black fermented and rotten soy stuff that some taiwanese woman made.

he took a bite and spit it out...he said there is NO way i can get this down. he has eaten some pretty nasty things on that show

18 posted on 10/01/2008 10:47:06 AM PDT by kingattax (99 % of liberals give the rest a bad name)
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To: PJ-Comix

horse hockey!


19 posted on 10/01/2008 10:48:00 AM PDT by YourAdHere (McCain-MILF 08)
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To: PJ-Comix

How about this for “exotic” food?

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/2094907/posts


20 posted on 10/01/2008 10:48:45 AM PDT by GQuagmire (Giggety,Giggety,Giggety)
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