Posted on 10/05/2008 6:30:37 AM PDT by writer33
Washington—Democrats on Capitol Hill have done the unimaginable. The U.S. House of Representatives have created the most significant homeless legislation in American history, slashing homeless numbers to insignificant levels for the first time.
Spearheaded by Rep. Nancy Pelosi, D-CA—a woman capable of handling children and the country—H.R. 9300 will face a vote that is all but a formality on Wednesday, October 8, 2008, literally redefining homelessness through a new set of legal standards.
Some of these standards include:
1. Those watching a large screen HDTV will not be considered homeless.
2. Car owners will no longer be considered homeless.
3. Anyone within 30 miles of a Democratic Party Convention will not be considered homeless.
4. Anyone losing their house after a natural disaster will be considered homeless for only one day.
5. Rich people shall not be considered homeless, even if everything they own is burnt to the ground by uncontrolled wildfires.
6. Students attending college while living away from home will not be considered homeless.
7. Anyone with a relative residing within 50 miles will not be considered homeless. (That includes mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, sons, daughters, aunts, uncles, grandmothers, grandfathers, half-sons, half-daughters, nieces, nephews, cousins, second cousins, ex-wives and ex-husbands.)
8. Anyone that can afford a Motel 6 room will not be considered homeless.
9. Anyone with access to a tent will not be considered homeless.
10. Anyone behind bars, after getting busted for breaking the law, will not be considered homeless.
11. Anyone panhandling more than $10/day will not be considered homeless.
12. Anyone carrying a protest sign outside a Democrat National Convention will not be considered homeless.
13. Anyone having a foreclosed house will not be considered homeless due to the recent credit saving measures included in the omnibus spending/rescue/bailout bill just passed by congress.
14. Rush Limbaugh, Laura Ingraham, Mark Levin, Sean Hannity, or any member of Free Republic—even under the most catastrophic conditions—will never be considered homeless.
Speaker Pelosi considers this legislation to be paramount above all others to be completed before the Presidential election in November. With these measures, Pelosi is ready to reduce the numbers of homeless to double digits.
“We’re ready to take the next step in eliminating homelessness,” Pelosi argued. “It takes hard measures for hard times, and I’m just the kind of hard ass that’s willing to get it done.”
Satire ping!
The ironic part is that “homelessness” actually does have a legal definition under both federal and state law.
15. Anybody with a shopping cart or access to a shopping cart will not be considered homeless.
BTTT
Almost the right quote. Pelosi Galore actually said, “We’re ready to take the next step in eliminating homelessness,” Pelosi argued. “It takes hard measures for hard times, and I’m just the kind of lard ass that’s willing to get it done.”
New R.V.ers?
What is the legal definition(s)? "
Actually, there are several federal definitions of homelessness. HUD, the Dept of Education, the McKinney act all have their own definitions. In addition, various states and municpalities have defined it as well
http://definitions.uslegal.com/h/homeless/
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