Carbon-Offset Offsets: We'll Pollute for You

The DC Writeup ^ | July 2, 2009 | Dan May

[conservativeDC]

You’ve all heard of carbon offsets. You get to use as much energy as you want, then you pay someone in a third-world country to plant a few trees so you don’t have to feel guilty about it. Maybe if the Catholic Church had called its 16th Century products “sin offsets” instead of indulgences, they could have avoided the whole Reformation thing.

Al Gore loves offsets. He buys enough of them to make up for the 17,768 kilowatt-hours of electricity he used each month at his Nashville home in 2008. That’s over twenty times more than the average American household. It’s also the year after he completed a “green” renovation of his home to make it more energy efficient. Not annoyed by his hypocrisy yet? He also owns a 100-foot houseboat.

Fortunately, the D.C. Writeup has a solution for anybody who’s annoyed at supposed-environmentalists who use offsets to purchase their way out of blatant hypocrisy. We call them Carbon-Offset Offsets.

The concept is pretty simple. You pay us a modest sum of money and we release some carbon into the atmosphere to offset Gore’s offset. You can buy them for yourself, or better yet, give them to your annoyingly shrill friends as birthday gifts. We’ll even mail a custom certificate to the recipient so that he or she knows what a generous donation you’ve made.

If you’ve only got a little bit to spend on such a luxury, we’ll happily discharge the entire contents of an aerosol can for only a few dollars. If you’re looking to invest a little more money...

[TurtleUp]

Funny ... and fun. I may start creating my own offset-offsets and realeasing excess CO2 on my own! As a conservative, I don’t need to pay others to do something that I can do cheaper.