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Breakthrough
17 January 2010 | R. Pickrell

Posted on 01/17/2010 5:53:02 PM PST by pickrell

Scientists have today confirmed the existence of a phenomenon know as "cold confusion". Dr. Stanley Pons, together with associate Dr. Martin Fleischmann, have described a new technique whereby mental processes, once requiring near-absolute-zero temperatures in order to lower the resistance of observers and reporters to baseless scientific claims, have now been confirmed occurring at temperatures approaching the melting point of Himalayan glaciers.

"We had less success than anticipated in certain of our, ummm, our earlier research, and so are now thrilled to describe this new process. And since we have been unsuccessful in our attempts to suppress the contents of our hacked emails, we thought it best to preempt any accusations of empty conjecture, and phony science. Confirmation and peer review is provided by citing some of the previous work done in this field by Dr. Robert Heinlein in his manuscript "Red Planet"."

Data concerning the process is being restricted for the forseeable future, to potential donors, former politicos, and reasonably priced scientists. The Federal grant process is being fast-tracked by Speaker Pelosi, who noted, "I know good science when I fund it."

"What we can confirm," a spokesman added, "is that if Bernard Madoff had been a little more generous our way, then all of that unpleasantness might never have been prematurely exposed, before he could have made it out of town to 'pick up his Nobel prize'- if ya know what I'm sayin.., nudge, nudge, wink, wink!"


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: hoax; satire; scam

1 posted on 01/17/2010 5:53:05 PM PST by pickrell
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To: pickrell

If we could just harness all the hot air coming out of Gore....


2 posted on 01/17/2010 5:55:49 PM PST by Dallas59 (No To O -Time is going by really really really really slow.)
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To: pickrell

3 posted on 01/17/2010 5:57:31 PM PST by Oceander
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To: pickrell
"Scientists have today confirmed the existence of a phenomenon know as "cold confusion".

Obambi showing up to campaign for Cokley confirmed the phenomenon ...

4 posted on 01/17/2010 6:09:17 PM PST by Red_Devil 232 (VietVet - USMC All Ready On The Right? All Ready On The Left? All Ready On The Firing Line!)
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