Posted on 06/14/2010 1:48:57 PM PDT by savedbygrace
A few days ago, my wife suddenly, without forewarning that I ever detected, told me she is leaving me. The details are not important, only that I recognize it was mostly my fault.
Our grown daughter is leaving home about the same time. Within three weeks, I will be alone, with only my Golden Retriever as a companion. I'm calling on God, and he is answering, but in this physical world, it's only my Golden.
Heartbroken, deeply wounded, ashamed. That's me.
I'm hoping to receive words of advice and counsel. I'm a born again, spirit filled Christian, so I'll respond more readily to Christian-based advice and counsel, but I'm ready to accept whatever you have for me. I'm needy.
Psalm 31:24
I appreciate your reply. For what it’s worth, I sincerely hope the author of this thread manages to work out his differences with his wife. Marriage and family are precious.
Dogs always return. Chin up - time will heal.
No, I didn’t stray. I have anger issues, and over the years, I’ve thought I was just venting, which provided me with pressure relief.
I had no idea that the whole time I was venting, I was deeply wounding her. After 37 years, she’d absorbed too much of that and couldn’t take anymore.
Ouch, my FRiend...your post brought a tear to my because I’ve known the same pain too.
Prayers for you, there are no words, only time.
When things get rough for me, I always count my blessings.
Not to be crude, but I am thankful that I am alive and not dead, like Tim Russert, Billy Mays, Patrick Swayze, et al.
I have tomorrow, Lord willing, and I will do my best.
That’s good to hear. It’s easier to fix that. Start wineing and dineing her like you’re a kid in love and maybe you can win her back. You’re going to have to show her you’ve changed and are a loving husband before she walks out the door, though. For instance, having her wake up to a room full of flowers and breakfast. Then take it from there.
Ah, if that were only possible. She’s leaving in less than three weeks, moving more than 1,000 miles away. Her jaw’s set and she’s leaving, and the only contact I’ll have is email, text, and a few phone calls (but only rarely).
It will take longer than that for our marriage is reconciled and restored.
Two of my kitties came with me from Illinois six years ago. I had a third but he went to the big litter box in the sky, so a few months ago I went on Craigslist and found a sweet little thing to help fill the void. All three of them sleep with me so I can barely turn over at night, but they make me happy. I love Weho, despite all the ... well, you know. I’m actually on the edge of Beverly Hills.
Moving a thousand miles away?? That’s kind of suspicious. I mean, it sounds like there is some place specific she’s going, and if you’ve been together 37 years, she’s a little too old to be running home to the folks. Sounds like she’s planned her escape for a long time. It sounds pretty definite.
If Only He Knew
(click through to buy)
The best book I have found, addressed to men, about the needs and emotions of women in marriage. The first chapter is “How to Drive Your Wife Away Without Even Trying” is worth the price of the book.
Do not give up.
My wife walked out last July and I was devastated. This has been — by far — the worst year of my life. But, God has used it to change and shape me. I have prayed incessantly for reconciliation. And now, after all this time, my wife and I are talking. Nothing definite, yet. But, she has brought up the subject of returning home soon.
You have some dark and painful times ahead of you, my friend. But, God will walk with you every step of the way. Cry out to Him. He will be there.
If you ever want to talk, freepmail me. I mean it.
Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart. Wait, I say, on the LORD. -Psalm 27: 14
OK, your wife is leaving and your daughter is moving out. You will miss them. They are both healthy and moving forward with their lives. Go ye and do the same.
You can't wish her back, you can't pray her back, you can't force her back and you can't cry her back. Sometimes things go like we don't want them to go, and then we feel bad. That's okay. Sometimes it's time to feel bad. Begging your wife to come back will only make her lose respect for you. The more you try to grab her, the more she will want to get away.
There's an old Woody Allen movie, Play it Again, Sam. He's got a line in there, "I fooled one woman into loving me, and now she's gone." Sometimes, we hang onto someone desperately because we think we've fooled them into loving us, that there's something wrong with us, and we've fooled this one person and no one will ever love us again. If that's the case, look at yourself and see what you need to change to make yourself the person you'd like to be. This is NOT as an attempt to get her back. If she's gone, it's time to cry, then rebuild your life. Second, my HS sweetheart and I were engaged. We'd known each other since 10th grade and broke up about the time I left town to go to college. We found each other again, after that, and so we'd known each other for about fifteen years. We were engaged, and I'd gone into hock to buy her a wedding ring. She broke up with me by letter, and I never heard from her again, until last year, when I saw her obituary in the paper.
One thing I learned after this was that a lot of what hurt was my ego. Yeah, it hurt to lose her, but when I got right down to it, a lot of the pain was that it was hard on my ego that she decided to leave ME! There wasn't another guy, I don't think. She just decided she wasn't sure what she was looking for in life, but she was pretty sure it wasn't me. That hurt. It hurt as much as the separation.
After not seeing her for thirty years, when I read her obituary, it felt like getting hit in the chest with a sledge hammer. Then I realized, I wasn't mourning a 56 year old woman that had passed away, I was mourning the high school girl that I taught how to shift gears on my three speed on the column Chevy pickup so we could sit close and I could drive with my arm around her shoulders and she could shift gears. I was mourning the times when I'd drop her off after a date, then go to her bedroom window and kiss her goodnight one more time through the screen.
We both grew in different ways, and that girl turned into a woman and she didn't love me anymore. And that sucked and sometimes things suck and you get through it and go on with life. There are people out there who need you. I don't know who they are, and you may not know who they are, and they may not know they need you, but God knows. It may not be another life partner. It may be an old lady that needs help, or some smart assed kid that needs a little career direction.
I don't know what your gifts are, but you have them. Use them. Go out and give yourself a chance at life. Oh, and pet the dog and root for the Sooners (I notice you're in Oklahoma) and help people when you can, and things will work out.
/Hugs.
Don’t chastise yourself. If it was truly an “unexpected” departure, she probably didn’t bother to inform you of any intolerable situations.
She may be guilty of waiting for you to read her mind. Some women believe “if he really cared, he would know what’s bothering” them.
Perhaps God has plans for you. Read your Bible. When God intends to use someone, he sends them to the desert. Are you in the desert?
Prayers up, my FRiend.
The pain really never goes completely away, but through God’s grace you can still find joy in thousands of other ways. Get yourself together with friends, get exercise & eat healthy (to ward off depression).
Join up with others from your church or work or neighborhood.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, it just may not seem that way right now.
Prayers up, and may God heal your wounds.
The ex lied constantly about meaningless things...then she screeched when I didn't trust her. She screeched a lot...then she complained that I tuned her out the moment she started to screech
She said she wanted a trial separation but I decided we would skip the trial period.
Some coworkers offered to follow her around. I declined; if I were interested in where she was going, who she was seeing or what she was up to, I would have tried to salvage our relationship.
While we lived together in the U.S., she said she hated Americans. Later, we lived in Germany and she said she hated Germans. I sent her butt back to England and she said she hated the English.
Hopefully, she's since discovered the one common denominator of this issue...
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation.
Having said that, it is the Lord and the Lord alone that can heal us and guide us to a more fruitful and meaningful place ,if we allow him to do so.
You never know when a KNOCK is a BOOST, or a BOOST is a KNOCK!
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