Sept. 11 mastermind was waterboarded 183 times in delousing effort

wineandexcrement.com (satire) ^ | Aug. 10, 2011 (republished) | Sisyphus

[orwell2112]

WASHINGTON – Responding to Justice Department memos declassified by the Obama administration last week, former Bush administration officials claim that CIA agents who repeatedly waterboarded Sept. 11 planner Khalid Sheikh Mohammed were not bent on torture but simply treating a raging case of head lice and dandruff.

Fecal Harpy, a spokeswoman for former Vice President Dick Cheney, said Obama’s decision to release the memos had forced Cheney and other members of the Bush administration to counter with their own disclosures of sensitive information. Cheney was a tireless advocate of waterboarding in the aftermath of 9-11.

“We hate to do this, because we respect HIPAA, but we feel we have no choice. What we can confirm today is that yes, Khalid was waterboarded 183 times but no, this was not simply the vicious indulgence of the understandable urge to torture the man responsible for 9-11. Khalid had a horrible case of head lice when he entered our custody – the worst we’d ever seen – and he had awful dandruff, too. He urgently needed treatment.”

[txhurl]

Thanks for the first big LOL of August.

The little boxes on the ‘treatment’ forms are so small, sometimes the wrong one gets checked.

Snort and lmfao.

[Empireoftheatom48]

LOL!

[txhurl]

On the form, if you look at it, waterBOARD checkbox is just above waterRINSE. Completely understandable clerical error.

[ATOMIC_PUNK]

When asked why the CIA didn’t simply shave Mohammed’s head to treat the virulent head lice, Icehorse said, “We did make that option available to him, but the lice were so bad we would have had to scalp him,

LMAOROTF

[o-n-money]

I’ll bet Fecal Harpy is single.

[txhurl]

lmao bttt

[sheik yerbouty]

Surf’s up!

[The Sons of Liberty]

Too bad Jack Bauer wasn’t in charge of interrogating KSM. Waterboarding would’ve been a vacation.