Posted on 02/08/2013 5:21:40 PM PST by virgil283
Madam, there’s no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.~ W. C . Fields
On one of my recent trips through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. Were forced to live on food and water for several days.
I’ve been a fan of Fields since I was a kid. I don’t remember the movie, but my favorite scene was when he sold the talking dog in a bar
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Professor Quail: Hey! Where am I?
Woman: Wu-Hu.
Professor Quail: Woo-Hoo to you sweetheart. Hey Charlie, where am I?
Hotel Manager: WU-HU!
(Fields then removes the flower from his lapel)
Professor Quail: Don't let the posey fool you!
Thanks for posting. I’d never seen that before. It was hilarious!
Them elks was caribooses. You know, like at the back of a train.
Reporter- Mr Fields, what would your father say if he knew you drank a 5th of scotch a day?”
Fields: “What would he say about my drinking a 5th a day? Why, he’d call me a sissaaaay!”
True story -
Fields and some friends were hanging out at his Hollywood home one Sunday, playing cards and having a “few drinks”.
That Sunday, news came of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. Fields immediatly got on the phone and ordered virtually a truck load of booze from his supplier, knowing it might be hard to come by once America got into the war.
One of the house guests teased Bill by asking “Why’d you order so little?”
Fields replied “It’s going to be a very short war!”
The very funniest of all of those ancient movie scenes was a thing called Fatty Arbuckle and the Rubber Fish.
In my younger days, I’ve asked many a girl in a bar to play squidjulum.
Never had any takers, for some reason.
***“International House” (with Fields, Burns and Allen, Bela Lugosi!!)****
Fields lands in his gyro-helocopter in Who Hoo China. He had a flower in his lapel, and asks ...”Can anyone tell me where I am?”
Woman “Woo Hoo.”
Fields: “And Woohoo to you my dear! Now, can anyone tell mo where I am?”
Hotel manager: “Woohoo”.
Fields: (not happy, grabs the flower in his lapel and crushes it): “Don’t let the daisy fool you my friend!”
Dang! Beat me to it!
Actually, I thought it was parboiled.
Only if they are properly cooked.
I’m looking for Karl La Fong.
Man” “Do you know ‘’Carl La Fong?’’ “Capital “L small a , capital F small ‘’o’’, small ‘’n’’ small ‘’g’’. La Fong, Carl La Fong’’. Fields “No I don’t know Carl La Fong, capital L small a , capitial F’ small o, small ‘’n’’, small g’’. And if I did know Carl La Fong I wouldn’t admit it!’’.
It’s “Don’t you like children?’’. “I love children. When their properly cooked’’.
* * * *
Fields: D'ja ever play the game of sjquidlum?
Pretty Girl: No. The only game I ever played was beanbag.
Fields: Beanbag? Ah, very good; it becomes very exciting at times. I saw the championship played in Paris. Many people were killed.
for several years Groucho Marx gave a speech at UCLA school of film.
He spoke of his old friend Bill Fields inviting him to his new home in the San Fernando Valley which was mostly citrus trees at the time.
Wehen I got there Groucho said Bill greeted me at the door and told me to follow him and we went up to the attic which was filled with cases of scotch.
Bill I asked, what’s all this?
In case of prohabition bill shot back.
Groucho, but Bill, prohabition ended years ago.
Yeah I know but I can’t take a chance of it coming back.
He did have scenes with Baby Leroy in “It’s A Gift” including one memorable scene were he kicked the kid in the slats. He also claimed he put gin in Baby Leroy’s milk bottle to stop him from crying and ruining scenes.
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