Skip to comments.5 Marriage Mistakes Women Make That Lead to Divorce
Posted on 05/02/2013 2:54:15 AM PDT by 2ndDivisionVet
The five common mistakes can drive even the greatest of great husbands away.
There is nothing more beautiful than two people journeying through life together! As women, we can place a lot of emphasis on getting married but not enough on staying married. Here are five common mistakes that women make in marriage that you should be sure to avoid:
1. Nagging. Being nagged by their wives has become so common in marriage that it's become almost expected by men! As a wife, I can say that saddens me especially since nagging is so completely unnecessary! Do not allow yourself to become a stereotypical wife by paying attention to the way that you speak to your husband. Your job as his mate is to uplift him, not bring him down with your words. Speaking to your guy in a positive, loving way will go a lot further than nagging in his ear and fussing at him. An important fact to know is that studies have shown that the male brain does not process the female voice the same way it would another man's voice (Source: Discovery). To have effective communication with our husbands, we should not only remember to watch what we say but also how we say it.
2. Forgetting to be his girlfriend. Continue to be his girlfriend (even if you happen to be his wife). Remember how hard you worked to make sure you were flawless whenever you saw him at the start of your relationship? Don't stop once you get a ring. Keep it sexy. I know that age, pregnancy and other health factors can get our bodies all "out of whack", but we still should keep ourselves looking good for our husbands.
Also, throw away those flannel pajamas that you sleep in....
(Excerpt) Read more at yourtango.com ...
6. Take his name...don’t hyphenate yours.
Got that right
Much of this strikes me as self and sex centered, not bond centered.
Nagging I can agree with, and sure, BOTH partners should make sure they are healthy and vibrant in the conjugal relations department. And keeping a good sense of self is good, UP TO A POINT.
But, what about
I really need to fully read the Venerable Bishop Fulton Sheen's Three to Get Married
Just when I thought I’d seen everything.
Nikki Ransom-Alfred is a Certified Master Sex Expert and Sex Coach, having assisted individuals and couples from Ohio to South Africa find sexual fulfillment. Her advice has appeared in and on various media outlets such as Cosmopolitan.com, The Other Paper, Bounce TV, and more!
When you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
Ladies, keeping a guy happy is really simple.
1) Have sex with him frequently.
2) Keep nagging to a minimum. If he hasn’t done it after you’ve told him ten times, it’s an indication he really doesn’t want to. Figure something else out.
I thought the biggest mistake would be - instead of letting husband be himself, the wife alwasy tries to change him to what SHE wants him to be?
Is that nagging? I don’t think nagging covers it.
Craigslist is chock full of handymen who’ll do small repairs for a little cash, a six pack and a sandwich.
# 1 Be more selective of the person that you choose to
Hell, that’s nothing. I have a Ph.D. in Sex. I’ve helped hundreds of beautiful women find sexual release. Hey, I’m just that kind of nice guy.
I remember bishop Sheen. A brilliant man. And I am sure some of his marital suggestions are worthy of review.
But having a never married, celebate cleric tell me about the complexities of marriage is worse than Monday morning quarterbacking as I may have been some sort of quarterback once.
Bratch I’ve told you before. You cannot just use my wife’s photo where she’s putting her lipstick on. Come’on. Now all the FR guys are gonna want to meet her!
Preach it, Sister or Brother!
I wondered who got her after I threw her to the curb.
If what your husbands has done is forgivable, forgive ... and forget, forever. (Same, fellas, for your wife ...) Give him a chance to confess without lasting punishment.
I suppose this is decent advice to keeping a man happy. However, most men are happy so long as their wives don’t nag them and are physically available for intimacy. The rest is gravy. I can think of only one divorced couple in the last 20 years where the man was the instigator. Every other one of them it was the woman. She was unhappy, she never learned to love herself, she never really loved him, blah, blah, blah. Oprah told her to do it.
I never figured you for a "Crying Game" sort of guy. Check out the adam's apple and hands on the person at post #2.
I’ve never seen that movie, so I have no reference, but if you’re implying that “It’s a man, baby” did you ever think that was the reason she hit the curb? LOL
Some people were never meant to be married.
This article makes sense. All 5 of these reasons and then some led to my divorce. Especially constant nagging. Marriage is dull by nature. It has to be kept exciting. I tried. She didn’t.. Bye bye.
I agree with the no hyphen thing. But told mine that taking my name was up to her. We’re not having kids and I’m not enough of an ego maniac that I feel the need to put my name on my license plates or my wife.
this article is heterocentric and should be banned to keep from hurting the rare
gay freeper ego.
Not me personally!
I agree with all but the last (maintaining your personal stock). Half of the married women that I know are involved in MLM crap, be it Mary Kay, Avon, Amway, Clothing, even one got her kicks out of Stamping stuff (with ink).
I know that virtually all of them didn’t make any significant money, but they stressed a lot of relationships and spent a lot of time on that.
So, women, if you want to do something to feel useful, get a real job or take real classes (not University of Phoenix)...but stay clear of this MLM stuff - it’s a black hole.
One other comment. Virtually ALL the advice in the comments (and the story) echo EXACTLY what Dr. Laura says on her radio show (and in her books).
...and yet most people would not be caught dead having anything to do with her.
My mother’s best friend made a really good living with that party plan that sold crystal and such. Princess House or something like that. Sadly, my mom sponsored her but then dropped out, so she never saw the residuals from her friend’s efforts.
Very important things you listed that the article failed to list. As you get older sex is not the priority I once was. BTW the same female author advocates watchingporn together so I’m not so sure I’d take heradviceas gospel...
I concede that some people do make money - I’m just pointing it out from the receiving end - having to deal with false friends that invite you to a “party” where you’re expected to buy things that you don’t need, for 5 times what they cost in Walmart.
You are absolutely right. Forgive, seventy times seven.
Yes, ladies, even if that means he “wins”.
You no playa da game? You no maka da rules!
The writer forgot
“Keep conversation to a minimum”
Similarly, investing in having a cleaning lady come by regularly has reaped dividends for me.
Just makes it a whole lot easier to follow on ancestry.com
[yeah i know...its easier to have both names to follow her line...]
A friend's wife liked doing "fulfilling" work which paid by the project (and worked out to much less than minimum wage when you divided net income by hours worked). My view is, if you are not at least making minimum wage, then it's a hobby, not a job.
Certified Master Sex Expert and Sex Coach
Explains a lot.
The gist here is to keep your man happy. Be the person he fell in love with and keep him physically satisfied.
Being wise and prudent with finances
Sitting down to a proper daily dinner
Bonding over an activity OTHER than sex (and in addition to aforementioned prayer)
unexpected acts of kindness
focusing on the raising (education, sports, religious life) of kids
All excellent points. And all essential to the long term health of the marriage. But NONE of them are specific to marriage. To some very large extent all men get married to get laid. Sex is a central part of the marriage. Why would we put up with all the hassles (waiting an hour for someone to get ready just to run to the store, having to share a bathroom, having to remember birthdays anniversaries, favorite colors, having to mess with the toilet seat etc etc etc) if it's a platonic relationship?
All your points can be done with friends and even in a marriage if all these points are done, but she is not doing the first five, then the marriage is in serious trouble.
My wife and I did all your suggestions, but due to various medical and self esteem issues she neglected the first five. This caused a bunch of unhappiness in our marriage and was a constant struggle for me.
A man should never be in the situation of walking down the street or in the store and seeing someone and thinking 'why can't my wife look like that" (or weigh so little or whatever).
Why do men cheat? Usually because they are not getting what they need at home.
(Please note that I never cheated on my wife. But the temptation was there and it shouldn't have been)
As the author of this piece, and Dr Laura, and lots of others point out. Sex is important to a man. We have sex with our wives to feel loved by them. (While they have sex with us because they feel loved by us). If she won't have sex with us, we don't belive she loves us at all.
Sex in a marriage is like air. It's only important if it's lacking. and then it's critically important.
You nailed the core issue regarding either spouse being disappointed in the other:
Men are dissapointed in their wife because she changes. She doesn’t want to have sex as much. She gains weight. She doesn’t focus on him as much. Sometimes there is real jealosy towards the kids. Can the man’s disappointment be unreasonable? You bet. But women tend to want kids like guys want a classic muscle car or big stereo. And just as a guy can ignore his wife for that stuff, many women do the same with kids.
Women are disappointed in their husband because he DOESN’T change. Way too many women see their man as raw material from which they will mold a super provider, husband and father. Are their expectations unreasonable? Often they are. All people change as they grow older, but way too many men don’t change as fast as their wives would like them to. And as the women push, the men tend to push back. That is especially true with men like me: passive agressive.
Want a marriage to last? Just make sure this is true:
She is marrying him because she wants to please him and he is marrying her because he wants to please her. It’s that simple. If only one feels that way they will end up being used. If both are in it because they think the other will make them happy, it will almost certainly end in divorce, and sooner rather than later.
I consider this a core principle. From the attitudes listed above, actions naturally follow.
If what your husbands has done is forgivable, forgive ... and forget, forever.
When someone has wronged me what I may say to them, and sincerely. “I am not angry. I just see you differently.”
And what I may say regarding their “sin against me”: You can forgive a tiger for eating one of your children, but you are really stupid to allow your remaining children to play next to it.
Forgiveness is something you do for yourself, unless you have authority over the other as in forgiving a debt. It is incredibly freeing and releases the person’s control over you.
...and usually not a very fun hobby.
On your theme, I will only add;
when the sex is good it is 10 % of the marriage (in that it’s not discussed per say, it just works)
and when it’s not good it is 90 % of the problem.
Just something I picked up along the way.
Three out of the five have to do with sex. This reads like some cheesy Cosmo titillator than true advice on sustaining a marriage. I mean, does this author really think that all husbands care about is their wives’ bodies? i wouldn’t ask my middle-aged wife/mother of three to wear a “sexy” teddy to bed any more than she would ask this spare-tired middle-aged schlub to wear a Speedo. because frankly, my wife would be beautiful to me if she was wearing a home-made gunny sack.
It’s her heart I find attractive, not just the parts of her punished by gravity.
Have not yet read the piece, but it had better include “I’ll fix him later”. Trying to change their chosen guy is probably a big contributor to the problem.
6-10. Don’t try and fix me later.
You have nailed it, from a twice divorced 62 year old husband, now happily married to a fine woman for 20 years. She doesn't try to change me and I don't try to change her...we are perfect..LOL
I would presume “Stop having sex with your husband” is the same as #2 - “Quit being his girlfriend”.
/I’m not cheated on, nor divorced, but I can certainly understand why it happens. My wife has decided that sex is not a priority, or in fact, going to happen at all. We’re early to mid 40’s, and frankly, working at a university makes the “whoa” factor difficult. I’ve asked her to see doctor(s), and even asked to set up counseling with one of our pastors, but so far, it’s not happened. My wife tells me “Love you”, or “Thanks Babe”, and all I feel is regret - if she’s going to talk like that - then act like it, too. Actions speak louder than words. It’s been almost a calendar year since we were last together, and is the chief reason why I started drinking so heavily, and so often. I’ve fixed that (quit drinking altogether), but this can’t go on.
I’m doing the praying thing, that’s for sure, asking God to fix me, or fix her - because life isn’t supposed to be like this. It’s supposed to be more abundant, exceedingly good.