Skip to comments.10 Old Fashioned Dating Habits We Should Make Cool Again
Posted on 02/06/2014 7:28:51 PM PST by 2ndDivisionVet
1. Coming to the door to pick someone up.
I think weve all had it with the incredibly unromantic here text, and meeting up always seems to be more casual and platonic than the alternative. Of course, meeting someone from online or any circumstance like that would probably be the exception to this rule, but generally: the 30 seconds it takes to get out of a car or cab and knock on the door makes a huge difference.
2. Trying to dress really nicely for a date.
Nicely means different things for different people, so I think its just a matter of putting effort into how you put yourself together to go out with someone. Its not about wearing suits and petticoats again, but just realizing that, whether or not we like to accept it, appearance does count for something, and we should do our best to make sure that our appearance says something about us, in whatever way wed like it to.
3. Bringing flowers or other tokens of affection to the first date.
Now, many lucky ladies (and some men) I know get this regularly, and in fact, I have myself as well, but only ever with people Id been dating for a while. I think theres something to be said for bringing flowers to the door on your first date. Its become uncool because its forward and its a gesture that confirms their interest, but we should definitely get past that idea and worry more about how were going to let someone know we really do care and appreciate that they want to spend time with us.
4. Going dancing thats not grinding on a grimy club floor.
Whatever happened to this? Dancing for the sake of dancing, like fun, not essentially sex on a dance floor dancing. Whats a better way to literally shake off nerves than seeing them bust a really dorky move on a dance floor? And the art of slow dancing has generally been lost, though Ive been one to do it in my living room with my slightly coerced significant other, and Ill tell you hes said on numerous occasions it ended up being one of the most romantic nights we had together.
5. Straightforwardly asking someone out and not calling it hanging out.
Or, as is very popular these days, talking. Oh, were just talking. As in, seeing one another and speaking frequently as to get to know each other? So dating? Weve found these really convenient ways to skirt around the issue of having to put our hearts on the line, but honestly, it just ends up being messy and confusing for all parties involved. Theres no need to go back to the idea of courting or anything, unless you want to, but simply being direct about whether or not youd like to go on a date with someone is a truly lost art, one that really shouldnt be.
6. Additionally, being clear about when youre going steady.
Oh, the awkward, so are we you know what are we? talk. Classic. We should go back to asking one another if the other person would like to go steady or something. Theres something about asking them if theyd like to rather than assuming that you are or arent anything thats just very cute, in my opinion.
7. Romantic gestures like writing poems.
Writing poems may not be for you, I know mine would look something like Roses are red, violets are blue, I hate poetry but I love you. I literally just made that up thank you please quote me when you inevitably post that gem on Tumblr. But seriously, like a handwritten letter in the mail or just surprising them with something you made even if it looks like the macaroni necklace you made when you were 5 is cute just because you tried and were thinking of them.
8. Turning electronics off and just being with one another.
Im not sure there is anything worse than the person who picks up their phone and starts staring at it in the middle of dinner, or at any point while youre together and having a conversation. Im not anti-technology here (hello, I work for the Internet) but I am saying that there comes a time to turn it off and disconnect and remember what actually matters. People.
9. The general concept of asking permission for things.
It used to be principle for people to say: oh, when can I see you? Or, when could I call you? Rather than just assuming they can at any point. But I think that old concept could be applied to our modern world by just assuming that, unless told otherwise, you should ask permission to you know, touch them anywhere, take them out, call them at a certain time, etc. Once youre in a relationship these things usually dont require asking anymore, but some do, especially when it comes to sexuality. I once knew a person who said that they asked permission before so much as touching a girls thigh, and that always stuck with me.
10. Not assuming sex is to be had at any point in time.
Now, Im certainly not saying it should go back to being a taboo thats unspoken of, but we certainly shouldnt expect it from someone on the third date, on the first date, because theyre being flirty, because you know theyre into you, or even because they agreed to go out with you. A date does not have to be a precursor to sex, and you shouldnt be disappointed if it isnt because you should never assume that it will be. It depends on the person youre with and what they want to do. TC Mark
Kate Bailey is a hopeless romantic.
I remember my first date with my future wife. Her best friend and one of my best friends were dating. One afternoon they invited me to go with them to watch Live and Let Die.
When I got to the car there was Ann sitting in the back seat. A pleasant surprise as she was the prettiest girl on campus. I guess everything went OK tho I really don’t remember much. We were married six months later.
Mores change. If you were plopped down 200 years ago you’d think everyone was insane.
Oldie but goodie (needs some updating).
“Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter”
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can harm you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will harm you.
Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we are supposed to talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like change the oil in my car?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight, speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Item 10 is the foundation concept.
These days when a man says he is “dating” a woman it can only mean one thing.
Fifty years ago, dating actually meant items 1 through 9 on that list.
As the author notes, nobody wants to explicitly admit interest or do anything "romantic," for fear of being labeled clingy, desperate, presuming, or just plain dorky. Generally, whenever you see two people just having a nice time together without awkwardly remaining "super chill," you can generally assume they are Christians.
Also the overarching emphasis on sex. That gets old too.
America demands Justice for the Fallen of Benghazi!
America demands Justice for the Fallen of Benghazi!
LOL...I take it your daughter is careful in selecting her dates.
Excellent. Tomorrow is our 55th anniversary, and all that Kate lists was understood at the time.
Kate forgot one — after the date you must walk her to the door and wait until she gets it unlocked. You do not force your way in, unless you are invited. You do not drop her at the curb and drive away. And when you have teen aged children and you are driving their friends home, the same rule applies. Wait until they get inside before driving off.
“I guess everything went OK...We were married six months later.”
I’d say things went quite well indeed! Very sweet story, thanks for sharing it.
Do you understand how lucky you are?
“Wait until they get inside before driving off.”
Absolutely, this applies to people even if they haven’t been on a date.
These are just good manners, what happened to those? Have they gone totally out of style?
I do. I married an incredible man — not perfect, but neither am I. We have 4 outstanding children with 4 outstanding spouses and 12 grandchildren.
Gratitude. This is missing from the mix in 2014.
Yes that is just basic common sense. My Father worked at Eglin AFB which was 24 miles away. He worked shift work and they always arranged for two from the same place to be on the same schedule so they could car pool.
I noticed one would always wait until the other was inside his home before driving off.
That is so true. And appreciation of the small things. My husband makes me laugh every day. Even on the worst days, he is a 'glass half full' personality, and that makes all the difference.
Those are absolutely BRILLIANT! I guess I’m really fortunate that my girls have shown good taste in who they allow over.
Hmm, let’s see:
“1. Coming to the door to pick someone up.”
I always do this. I might give a call ahead to let them know I’ll be there in a few minutes, but not going to the door just seems rude to me.
“2. Trying to dress really nicely for a date.”
Again, this is something I always seem to do. Dressing sharp for a date is never a bad thing, and it doesn’t have to be suit and tie.
“3. Bringing flowers or other tokens of affection to the first date.”
Okay, that one’s not happening. First dates are first dates for a reason, and I’d feel like a dork bringing a corsage or something to someone I don’t know that well yet.
“4. Going dancing thats not grinding on a grimy club floor.”
Not an issue for me. I hate dancing, and the only dance I *do* know is the straight white guy “left foot, right foot, left foot again.”
“5. Straightforwardly asking someone out and not calling it hanging out.”
Generally agree, though I have known women who were in that gray area where we kinda hung out as friends and kinda liked each other, too.
“6. Additionally, being clear about when youre going steady.”
Yeah, I think that’s a fair point.
“7. Romantic gestures like writing poems.”
LOL, NO!!! That is just not happening, darlin’.
“8. Turning electronics off and just being with one another.”
Seems a no brainer, unless you’re dating an on-call surgeon. Any woman who took a non-emergency call during dinner or whatever would be a woman I would not ask out again.
“9. The general concept of asking permission for things.”
Especially if it involves the use of an eggbeater, or nitrous oxide. /jk
“10. Not assuming sex is to be had at any point in time.”
Um, I’m a GUY. It’s kind of in my genetic makeup to at least *hope* for that outcome. :-)
God bless you dear. And your family.
You’d be surprised. I managed to get two daughters through their teens and into their twenties. I’ve seen most of these at one time or another. The best one was when the newly minted 2lt looked me in the eye, shook my hand and said, “nice to meet you sir.”
My heart melted just a little. I like being called sir.
Then you have no idea what the moseys were 200 years ago. You think they were the same as when you grew up.
Oh, I see how it is, the grandchildren aren't outstanding… must be part of that useless millennial generation. *shakes cane* Bah!
(Just messing with you. [;)])
When did you grow up 1st Division guy? Maybe they were the same.
*duck and run*
There was probably a ten year period in the 100,000 year history of humans where young swains jumped out of the car, ran around and opened the door for their date.
But we are less human because boys don’t do that anymore.
Consider yourselves lucky, or God was in the mix. I wonder how many “blind dates” work out well.
I was 45 when I realized that I was never going to be "cool."
I think that some of the customs 200 years ago were charming. They’d all flip out if they saw how people conduct themselves nowadays.
It is common sense to watch out for others and see they get into the house, no matter who it is. A book on good manners could be a valuable teaching tool for many.
For those of us who were "plopped down" many years ago, we've lived to see incredible insanity. If we haven't gone over the cliff yet, we're standing right on the edge.
Did you really bring her flowers on your first date? LOL
That should be on the list, too. For a while, I dated a man who did just that - opened the car door for me. He also strictly adhered to numbers 3, 5, 6, 8, and 9 on the list. He seemed to be such a gentleman, but eventually I found out that he didn't believe in #10. ;-) So much for being a gentleman. I'm a church-going woman, so ended the dating.
I think I should show my sons the whole list for when they start dating.
Nah - if I don’t see 1-3 at a minimum I won’t let the girls out the door... course the rest I’ve coached em on and they can hold their own with ‘the boys’ in a fight.
Having been an Ensign (2nd LT better :) I can state unequivocally that he had you in one line... have your blade at the ready always you can’t assume based on the nice words :)
I still open the car door for my wife of 20 years and sometimes it annoys her... but it’s the right thing to do.
“Tomorrow is our 55th anniversary, and all that Kate lists was understood at the time.”
Cool, you’ve got us beat by 10 years...
This, I take as yet another sign, that women are finding out that the world they created with feminism isn’t exactly what they wanted.
Well, too bad, so sad. Women created this situation. They broke it, they bought it, they own it.
When I do these very things, because I have a very traditional way of going about courting, I am treated with what can only be described as suspicion.
The way modern women treat men... like they are the buffoonish men they see on their television set, is a result of culture rot and feminism... It sucks.
The grandchildern vary in age from 1-21 and so they defy being lumped together under one adjective. But, we love them all.
I’m the ‘girl’. No, he didn’t bring me flowers.
As an unmarried bachelor with a good business this advice is bunk. Whoever wrote this has never dealt with an unmarried American woman in the dating realm. I would elaborate but I most certainly would be banned from FR.
And that goes double for not being able to elaborate.
“As an unmarried bachelor with a good business this advice is bunk.”
Yep, a set up for failure if I ever saw one!
The nicer I was to girls I really liked the quicker they lost interest. Playing hard to get is not just good advice for women.
Fifty years ago, dating actually meant items 1 through 9 on that list.
Indeed it did. And widespread depression among the young was unheard of.
I also found that being seen cleaning a firearm when the young man arrives for the first date can be a marvelous conversation starter. (a) It clears the air regarding my intent to defend my family in all possible contingencies, and (b) it lets both my daughter and me know if this young man is worth the trouble of a second date (i.e., a litmus test on political leanings).
I open the car door for my wife of 25+ years, as well. Far from annoying her, she expects it and becomes bothered when I don’t (unless, of course, I’m carrying bags of groceries or something similar).
More than once, after witnessing this, her married friends have asked her how she “taught” me to do it (not to mention the comments from strangers about where she found me). Fact is, I did on our first date and it was one of the things that persuaded her that a second date with me was worthwhile.
Both of our twenty-something sons also do this on dates and never cease to be amazed by the positive response from the young women they are with.