Posted on 03/12/2014 5:17:16 PM PDT by WXRGina
Movie review by Media Critic, Scooter Van Neuter
MEXICO CITY (WNB) - I was fortunate to attend the premier of the movie Noah Monday night in Mexico City. Here is my review:
Paramount Studio's decision to premier Noah in Mexico City was obviously based on the premise that most of the reviewers would be murdered or kidnapped before they could write their reviews and at least in my case, it almost worked.
Nobody had warned me about Mexico City taxis and as a result I was kidnapped twice and sexually assaulted once while getting from the airport to the historic Tostada Theater. Fortunately my office was able to wire the $38 and $12.50 respectively for my release and I arrived in time to walk the urine-spotted red carpet with my exotic date (actually a transgendered hooker I rented in the parking lot - I was late and that's all they had left).
Much has been written about the movie's departure from the Biblical story by screen writer/director Darren Aronofsky, but I personally felt the artistic license taken enhanced what essentially has always been little more than a simplistic animals-go-boating tale. I especially liked Russell Crowe's portrayal of Noah as a drunken Buddhist martial arts master with an overwhelming desire to save the planet from climate change. Jennifer Connelly was also excellent as Noah's angry pill-popping wife Naameh. The decision by Aronofsky to dress her in a skimpy fur bikini was a good one in my opinion.
I feel this movie's strong suit was its action sequences. Fight scenes were exciting and well-staged (Crowe reportedly mastered the numchucks for this role). The climactic boat chase scene was about as good as it gets, reminding me of 007 - it was that good. The fast paced action kept my attention from beginning to end.
On the minus side, I don't personally feel the numerous sex scenes, while tasteful, were really needed to advance the story. The lesbian scenes involving Noah's daughter Ila, masterfully played by Ema Watson, may especially be a problem for some religious viewers. On the other hand, scenes featuring Russell Crowe and his mistress will likely fare better, as I'm pretty sure they were in the original story.
Matthew Libatique's photography was beautifully done, and the hip hop music score by Soulja Boy and Lil Momma really brought the bass! I thought the soundtrack provided a perfect backdrop for this film, particularly during the fight scenes such as the thrilling battle between Noah and the velociraptors aboard the boat. Industrial Light and Magic's special effects were, as usual, consistently good, especially the alien sea monster (how did they do that?).
All in all, I found Noah to be big, brash, and ultimately spiritually uplifting. The rainbow scene at the end of the film where Buddha gives the world the gift of homosexuality left me with a real lump in my throat* as I exited, and that's what good movies are all about.
I give this movie 3 1/2 rubber dog toys for great action and special effects.
*I later horked up a stray piece of popcorn
You sure this is really satire? It’s getting harder to tell every day.
HA! Yes, well, Scooter doesn’t pull any punches when he’s aiming at Hollywood.
I wonder if they exaggerated the size of the velociraptors like they did in Jurassic Park. Anyway, didn’t Noah know that they could open doors before he brought them aboard?
Apparently, the Mexico City showing feature the scene where he was cited by the babylonian Coast Guard for operating an oversized boat was cut because the movie was too long.
HAHAHAHA!!!
Probably the best review it will get. Lol
I don’t recall some of the sex scenes from my KJV Bible.
Can’t wait to check out the TRANS-NISVLGBTXYZQQQ version!
Surely,it will have those up-to-date little known verses.
Lol
HAHAHAHA!!! Yes, you may be right! :-/
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