Government Panel Calls for Measures to Upgrade Our Health SATIRE

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 Feb 2015 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

The Dietary Guidelines Advisory Committee (DGAC) issued a 571 page report outlining its recommendations for transforming Americans' health. Citing persistent high levels of overweight and obesity, the report proposed "strategies across multiple settings, including health care, communities, schools, work sites, and families."

First Lady Michelle Obama hailed the report as "the guiding light toward a healthier and happier America. The notion that individuals can be left on their own to choose what they eat and how much to exercise has proven to be a failure. DGAC's call for 'trained interventionists' to take charge is the right message at the right time."

These "interventions" are expected to include "limiting access to high calorie foods, censoring advertisements for unhealthy choices, and punitive taxes on foods with high sugar or salt content." The DGAC report also urged a shift toward a more vegetarian diet. "While most people have a very negative view of the role Adolf Hitler has played in human history, one thing that is repeatedly overlooked was his dedication to vegetarianism," the report said. "His efforts to set an example that others might follow is an under appreciated aspect of his contribution toward a healthier human race—both in terms of what we put in our bodies and in the positive impact on global climate change that a shift away from meat consumption would accomplish."

"What people ingest is only part of the problem," the First Lady pointed out. "Too many of us camp out in front of the TV and neglect to get enough exercise. We have the means now to track everything people watch and how much time they spend watching it. We can use this information to target individuals needing more external influence over their choices for how they use their leisure time."

The DGAC report characterized personal health as "a human right that the government must guarantee to everyone, whether they want it or not. Individual deviation from healthy choices affects the collective well-being of others. Deterring this deviationism is a crucial step toward a healthier society."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,162966.0.html

[UCANSEE2]

Good one.

Perhaps you should not call this (satire/semi-satire).
Perhaps you should just call it ‘Next week’s news’ ??????

‘cause you know it’s going to end up true by about next week.