Senators Question IRS Spying [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 1 Nov 2015 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) and ranking member Patrick Leahy (D-Vt) sent a letter to Treasury Secretary Jacob Lew demanding to know why the IRS is using secret cellphone tracking systems to spy on Americans.

“This warrant-less eavesdropping appears to be a blatant invasion of privacy,” Grassley complained. “It’s precisely the kind of overbearing intrusiveness that our Constitution sought to prevent.”

IRS Commissioner John Koskinen admitted the spying, but justified it as “necessary. We can’t allow a claim of privacy to deter us from gathering evidence against persons harboring anti-government animus or attempting to deny us access to funds the government needs.”

Koskinen argued that the IRS “is obligated to rise above a simplistic servitude to a 200 year-old clause in a mostly out-dated document and use every bit of modern technology to carry out its mission to ensure the financial security of the government. When people know that we are watching their every move and that we have the capacity to listen in on every phone conversation they will be more compliant.”

Secretary Lew characterized the senators’ concern as “overly paranoid. We’re not talking about foreign enemies obtaining state secrets for nefarious purposes here. The IRS agents listening it on cell phone conversations are loyal employees of the federal government. As fellow members of the government the senators should know that they have nothing to fear.”

In related news, presidential candidate Hillary Clinton came out against abolishing the death penalty, averring that “there are some crimes—treason, insurrection, attacks on government officials or policies—for which the threat of this ultimate sanction is needed to deter dangerous disobedience.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://azconservative.org/2015/10/31/senators-question-irs-spying/