Posted on 06/30/2021 3:13:20 PM PDT by DFG
Everyone knows the 2020 election was literally the most secure and fair presidential election—like, ever. But we know there are still a few skeptics out there. Here at the Bee, our number one mission is to prevent the spread of misinformation and make sure everyone still has faith in our democracy.
To help convince you, here is the undeniable evidence the election was fair:
1. Literally everyone says so: Duh. The 2020 election couldn't have been rigged because all the people who are cool and smart and not weird say so. Do you want to look like a weirdo? Ew.
2. Journalists were fair and balanced in assessing the qualities of moderate, kind, decent Joe Biden, and of his opponent Hitler: Thank God for the press! They really made sure to give a fair and honest assessment of the most popular and wonderful president ever and the evil orange monster who wanted to kill democracy and take away all our norms and stuff. Great job, journalists!
3. Mail-in votes were handled by USPS—the most reliable, trustworthy company on the planet: The post office never almost screws up, loses, or delays US mail. It's quite amazing, really.
4. Vote counters in Philadelphia and Detroit spent many years practicing how to count before election night: Some of them since kindergarten! The election was truly in good hands.
5. The Democrats have never done anything wrong, ever: Not ever.
6. Posters and barricades were held up to block people from seeing the unprecedented, blinding levels of vote counting fairness: Poll watchers showed up, but their eyeballs would have been burned out by the awe-inspiring amount of vote counting integrity. Many lives saved!
7. Absolutely nobody was threatened behind a poolhouse by a chain-wielding Biden: Biden is a fine, upstanding man of integrity and would never do something like that.
8. New York didn't just accidentally count 138,000 ballots, a bizarrely familiar number: Science has clearly shown that voter fraud is completely impossible and would never happen here, especially in New York City where they're really good at elections.
9. The election turned out exactly how your late great, great grandfather would have wanted: This was verified by his vote in the 2020 election.
10. The Democrat candidate won, which is perhaps the most important sign of a fair and impartial election: The evil, fascist dictator was voted out of office. Anything that was done to achieve this was fair, right?
We hope you have seen the light. Now shut up about the election you insurrectionist!
Lol, bttt.
Love the Babylon Bee. Buzzzzzz.
11. Thanks to the efforts of our fine and patriotic social media companies, the made-up Russian disinformation story about Joe Biden’s son Hunter—a pillar of the community and an honorably discharged veteran—being a crack-addicted scumbag, were shielded from the eyes of the American public. That false would have swayed the vote away from upstanding Joe Biden—who truly loves children—to the evil, wall-building vulgarian who should rot in hell forever.
It’s almost as if they plagiarized the CNN website verbatim?
11. The election was decided by the votes in Wayne County, Michigan; Fulton Count, Georgia; Maricopa County, Arizona; Milwaukee County, Wisconsin; and Allegheny and Philadelphia Counties, Pennsylvania - all of which have a long-standing reputation as paragons of election integrity.
Why, we just need to give the billions more, unless you like that fact that it takes over a week to mail a first class enveloped 50 miles.
bkmk
For detail on #7:
Someone there can channel progressive newsies.
>>>3. Mail-in votes were handled by USPS—the most reliable, trustworthy company on the planet: The post office never almost screws up, loses, or delays US mail. It’s quite amazing, really.<<<
Hey, it worked in the Movie “Miracle on 34th Street”.
Now we have our very own Santa Claus is the White House.
12. Questioning the way votes were counted or complied is racist. Period.
Funny AND much on point.
The Bee understands democrats always win when it’s fair and only lose when there is fraud.
There was no fraud in the election.
Especially when the Bee said: It was the election your great great grandfather wanted. And he verified it by his voting this year...
Thank you, Babylon Bee...
Guilty as charged.
13. The media was so certain that BiteMe had won that they called several states early knowing full well that the integrity of the vote was being maintained.
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