Posted on 08/18/2023 9:47:58 AM PDT by DFG
LOS ANGELES, CA — As Hurricane Hilary prepares to make landfall in Southern California, the World Meteorological Organization has announced that all deaths resulting from the storm will be ruled as suicides.
"We are seeing Hilary continue to weaken as it approaches the West Coast, so we have high hopes that it will not cause any, um... suicides," said meteorologist Fritz McBeely to reporters. "But we must be aware, this storm is highly unpredictable and could potentially suicide anyone foolish enough to stand in its way."
Local authorities in Los Angeles have warned their people to board up windows, stack sandbags, and refuse to testify against the hurricane in a court of law in order to avoid being suicided. "The threat is real," warned McBeely.
At publishing time, several weather sources had confirmed that they are struggling to track the storm as their weather prediction servers were mysteriously drenched in bleach and smashed with a hammer overnight.
Arkancides to be precise.
Maybe the best Bee yet. Luckily hurricanes dissipate over land - I’d hate see what would happen if this one could make it to Fort Marcy Park on the other coast.
Da Bee, on target again!
Highly subversive satire.
LOL
Hey CNN, Scooped again, eat your heart out...
We obviously need to ban Assault Hillarys
Rumor has it that 1000 barrels of Vodka was poured into the eye and it settled down and went to sleep.
Someone in the hurricane naming office has a since of humor. Vince and Foster are on the list too.
Outstanding!
I know. It’s the Bee.
However, I think they missed the mark on this one. Every single death will be attributed to *climate change*.
Or a covid death. That excuse is still around.
Back then, there was no panic or running about with hair on fire. Back then, we just called it weather.
On the other hand, the allusions to Hilary! are too funny to ignore. 😁
“Local authorities in Los Angeles have warned their people to board up windows, stack sandbags, and refuse to testify against the hurricane in a court of law in order to avoid being suicided.”
The Bee strikes again.
Lol, they better watch out for the Hildabeast
Good one.
I’m waiting for hurricane Joe to wander around aimlessly blowing hot air on the left and then finally head inland to an ice cream shop where it will blow warm, general breezes on the necks of young women and children.
A stench of Urine and boiled cabbage will come in with the wind
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