Posted on 09/18/2023 2:13:10 PM PDT by DFG
HUGER, SC — A team of Marines was seen trudging through the woods, stopping every 30 feet to wave a key fob around in a 90° arc, say campers at Francis Marion National Forest. The Marines, who traveled in a tactical column, were allegedly on a mission to locate, close with, and recover the F-35 fighter jet that went missing Sunday evening.
"No contact," [redacted] whispered after stopping to listen for the 249th time. Sources confirm the missing F-35 never beeped in response to signals from the key fob, even if the unit leader did that thing where he tried to place it under his chin to use his head as a natural antenna to magnify its wireless range.
The marine rifle team, led by [redacted], has thus far been unable to find [redacted]. "We have [redacted] that cannot fall into the wrong hands," said [redacted].
Questions still surround the disappearance of the advanced fighter jet. Why did the pilot eject from a plane that was clearly not crashing? Why can't they locate it via transponder? Was radar just not being used that day for some reason? No, really, don't those things have GPS on them or something? Where could it have possibly gone? Was it aliens? It was aliens, right?
Officials at the Pentagon could not be reached for comment.
Tell them to hold them up to their chin. It carries further.
Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Bwaaaaaahahaha!
What would we do without the paper of record? The visual! Can you picture it? Oh, the visual is perfect!
Babylon Bee nails it again!
(the “redacted” added that special touch.)
This is probably the pilot-less version of the F-35. After ejection, it must of wandered off somewhere, wherever it felt like.
For that matter, how do we know the pilot ejected from the F-35? Could it be the F-35 ejected the pilot? Who needed him, anyways.
😂😂🤣
I actually took the title seriously for a second.
Military Times. are laughing the butts off.
The missing aircraft in the US swiftly drew online mockery, from postings with Missing-Jet fliers on lamp posts and notices on milk cartons, to mashed up Dude, Where’s My F-35 movie posters.
“Now that I got that out of the way. How in the hell do you lose an F-35?” South Carolina Republican Representative Nancy Mace said on social media. “How is there not a tracking device and we’re asking the public to what, find a jet and turn it in?”
https://time.com/6315261/missing-military-f35-jet/
Even radar has a hard time tracking it. Most embarrassing.
Those new stealth protocols make this job even tougher. Keyfobs may not work. Might needs to go old fashioned and call out the stealth bloodhounds.
Someone forget Control Alt Delete
Side of the head as Jeremy Clarkson demonstrated.
I guess no one heard of an Air-Tag
Omg. How long did I spend unbelievably wondering why marines are in a woods and wow is it possible you can find a plane by pointing and ‘sending out signals’ from a key fob. Thinking I just found out that planes HAVE key fobs to find them. Planes go missing and are found with key fobs. Just wow!
I can’t even blame it on crack. I don’t smoke.
I was going to say, don’t they have radar tracks of that plane? Then I remembered its STEALTHY.
Check the Bermuda Triangle.
The fighter didn’t park it kept flying ,LOL
Good question.
Perhaps the pilot was a diversity hire who, out of ignorance and incompetence, pressed the wrong button?
I suppose they had to lessen pilot training hours to make time for new courses in "The Racism of Cloud Formations" and "Understanding Aviation History Through a Queer Lens."
Damn thing is so stealthy even it’s owners can’t find it.
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