WANTED: Good Come-backs and Put-downs

Me | 12/28/03 | ILBBACH

[ILBBACH]

I have a cousin who had throat cancer and had half his tongue removed as well as other tissue in this throat. Needless to say, he doesn't speak well at all and is usually very frustrated.

However, the doctors were unable to remove his sense of humor. He is the same smart-@ss he was before, and still has a sardonic and acerbic wit.

For a (belated) Christmas present, I would like to give him a set of business cards that have come-backs and put-downs on them.

I know he would love it, and I'll tell you - the nastier, the better!

I thought this would be the best place to find such information, considering that you are the most witty and creative people I know!

If you think your contribution is really "bad," Freepmail me (and don't worry about shocking me, my dad was in the Marines for almost 40 years)!

[dpa5923]

One of my favortives:

Your upbringing is showing.

[dpa5923]

favortives = favorites

Also try:

God hates you.

and

Why are you making God cry?

[ILBBACH]

How 'bout some oldies but goodies? The only one I can think of off hand is:

Kiss your mother with that mouth?

[ILBBACH]

Excellent!

[ILBBACH]

I may sound funny, but you're UGLY and I can keep MY mouth shut.

PERFECT!!!

[Centurion2000]

bump

[My Dog Likes Me]

Here's a good one-

"Squeeze your head so I can see the s**t squirt outta your ears!"

[boxerblues]

If you had another brain it would get lonesome..cause the one you got ain't worth a d@mn

You don't have enough common sense to get a headache

[MeekOneGOP]

Regarding 'opinions', my late Uncle Claude used to say:

Opinions are like a**holes. Everybody's got one, and they all stink !

[Lazamataz]

• Hey, don't be depressed..... Cartman's mom is a crack whore too....
• Jesus just phoned. He hates you after all.
• If you ever become a (mother/father), can I have one of the puppies?
• Without imported made-in-Gaywana latex Richard Simmons life-size dolls with silicon-filled gyrating c***s, you wouldn't have any sex life at all.
• You're better at sex than anyone - all you needs is a partner.
• It's well-known you are very polite. You thank your (dad/mom) every time you have sex.

[Lazamataz]

• You look like a dwarf who's been dipped in a bucket of pubic hair.
• Your face is filled with broken Commandments.
• Nature played a cruel trick on you -- you lived.
• You are living proof that aborigines screw kangaroos.
• You look like a million dollars - all green and wrinkly.

[Lazamataz]

• Does your face hurt? Cuz it's killing me.
• What are you going to do for a face when the monkey wants his ass back?
• You know what I like about your face? Me neither.
• Is that a wart on your tongue, or did you bring your wife?

[NYCop]

You're depriving some village of a good idiot

[tacticalogic]

If brains were gasoline, you wouldn't run a pissant's go-cart two laps around a Cheerio.

[NeoCaveman]

If you stopped talking out of your a$$ your breath still wouldn't improve.

[CGVet58]

well, these have stood the test of ages.

old Irish sayings:

" Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt "

and...

" You never get a second chance to make a first impression "


Luv them Irish "Troots"!

CGVet58

[where's_the_Outrage?]

Will Rogers never met you.

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person

I see you suffer from rectal cranium inversion

If I wanted to hear from an a$$hole, I'd farted

So you're a feminist, isn't that sweet.

[IronJack]

The three Wise Men of Insult: Ambrose Bierce, Mark Twain, and Oscar Wilde. Wilde may be a bit too highbrow for most common situations, but his wit is as trenchant as his lifestyle was twisted. The other two are simply classics of American satire.