Replies

PREREQUISITES TO BEING A MODERN LIBERAL DEMOCRAT

1) You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by lack of funding.

2) You have to be against capital punishment, but for abortion on
demand,
in short you support protecting the guilty and killing the innocent.

3) You have to believe that the same public school teacher who can't
teach
4th graders how to read is qualified to teach those same kids about
sex.

4) You have to believe that trial lawyers are selfless heroes and
doctors
are overpaid.

5) You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans
are
more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of the Red Chinese.

6) You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by
cyclical, documented changes in the Sun, and more affected by SUVs.

7) You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being gay
is
natural.

8) You have to believe that businesses create oppression and
governments
create prosperity.

9) You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature but animal
rights activists who've never been outside Seattle do.

10) You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than
actually
doing something to earn it.

11) You have to believe there was no art before federal funding.

12) You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start
wars.

13) You have to believe the free market that gives us 500+ channels
can't
deliver the quality that PBS does.

14) You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it stands up for
certain
parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because they stand
up
for certain parts of the Constitution.

15) You have to believe that taxes are too low but ATM fees are too
high.

16) You have to believe that Harriet Tubman, Cesar Chavez and Gloria
Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson,
General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

17) You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial
quotas and set-asides aren't.

18) You have to believe that second-hand smoke is more dangerous than
HIV.

19) You have to believe Hilary Clinton is really a lady and Rosie
O'Donnell
is not really a man.

20) You have to believe that conservatives are racists, but that black
people couldn't make it without your help.

21) You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked
anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in
charge

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.

The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"

Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"

The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."