Baseball joke

heard it through the..... | old one | unknown

[freedom moose]

I don't know if this is an old one, it probably is.
but i just heard it
baseball joke, America's once favorite pastime, seems appropriate for this weekend. i am such a moron i still love talking animal jokes as an adult
PS. I tried to avoid posting this in breaking news, i hope it ended up in the right place.

A man walks into a bar with a dog
He tells the bartender that the dog can talk
the bartender says "no way, dogs can't talk"
the guy says "look, he talks, I'll bet you a beer, if i lose i'll buy a round for the bar"
the bartender says OK
the man says "dog, what is the top part of a house called?"
the dog answers "ruuuuf" the bartender says "come on, all dogs can say that, well OK a bet's a bet so here's your beer"
he guy says "look, give me another chance, double or nothing" bartender says OK
man says "dog, what is the part of the tree that grows under the ground called?"
dog answers "ruuuuuts"
bartender says "come on, that's silly, well ok, you get two beers, now stop wasting my time"
the man says "look, the dog talks, give me one last chance"
the bartender reluctantly agrees
the man says "dog, who is the greatest baseball player in the history of the game?"
the dog says "ruuuth"
the bartender is furious "get the heck out of my bar and don't come back here again, that's got to be the DUMBEST THING I'VE EVER heard"
the man walks out
the dog looks confused and looks around for a minute
then hops up on the bar and says

"DiMaggio?"

[ThreePuttinDude]

HA HA HA, I haven't heard that one before.

Good One....

[xJones]

That was bad, so bad it deserves a bad pun of a baseball joke.

During the last of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony there is a 20 minute period where the bass violinists don't play. During one concert, the lead bass violinist suggested that they sneak out and go across the street to a bar and have a few drinks. They agreed, and crept quietly out and had a good time downing more than a few at the bar.

Finally, one bass violinist spoke up and said that they'd better get back, it was almost time. "Don't s'worry", hiccuped the lead, "I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together and that'll hold 'em"

The bass violinists staggered back to their seats and got ready, and the audience noticed some problems.

One young lady asked her fiance, "What's wrong? The conductor is so nervous!"

The fiance replied, "Don't you see, don't you understand? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded!"

[So Cal Rocket]

I remember seeing that routine in a Loony Tunes cartoon when I was a kid (a long time ago). But I think the dog said "Maybe I should have said Ty Cobb" at the end.

Here's my baseball joke:

The Milwaukee Braves played a double header against the Brooklyn Dodgers many years ago. In the first game, the Braves pitcher, Mel Famey, pitched a complete game in a wild 7-6 victory. Famey celebrated his victory between games by downing several beers in the clubhouse. He continued drinking beer in the bullpen during the second game.

Well, the second game went into extra innings and Milwaukee went through almost all of its pitchers... in the 16th inning, Brooklyn got the first runner on and the Milwaukee manager called Mel Famey out of the bullpen to pitch. Needless to say, Mel Famey was drunk and couldn't get a pitch over the plate... he walked the next 4 batters and Brooklyn won 5-3.

When interviewed after the game, the Brooklyn Dodger manager was asked what the key to victory was in the second game... his reply was: "Pabst Blue Ribbon - it was the beer that made Mel Famey walk us."


(If you're under 40 you probably won't get the joke)

[freedom moose]

well i'm glad somebody liked it
:)

[freedom moose]

that's gotta be older than mine right?
you know the old joke about jazz bass player that takes place in africa? the safari tourists hear distant drumming every night and loud cheering and dancing? etc if you're interested i'll type it up. i understand if you're not. i've got a good trombone joke too. HEY wasn't this a baseball joke thread?

[freedom moose]

i think we're tied.

[labard1]

Worthy of Spider Robinson!

[labard1]

I always heard "Ty Cobb" as well, but thanks for a fun thread!

[xJones]

you know the old joke about jazz bass player that takes place in africa? the safari tourists hear distant drumming every night and loud cheering and dancing? etc if you're interested i'll type it up. i understand if you're not. i've got a good trombone joke too.

I know I'm going to hate myself later; in fact, I should be banned for even asking, but what are those jokes? {{{{shudder}}}} :D.

[xJones]

HEY wasn't this a baseball joke thread?

Okay....

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.

For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.

When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the National Anthem started.......the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts" And the patients complied by standing up.

After the anthem ...he yelled, "Down Nuts". And they all sat back down in their seats.

After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts". They all broke out into applause and cheered.

When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts!!!" and they all started booing and cat calling.

Thinking things were going very well. The doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.

When he returned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, the doctor asked," What in the world happened?

The assistant replied, "Well, everything was going just fine till a vendor passed by and yelled PEANUTS!"

[freedom moose]

well you can't say you didn't ask for it.....
jazz bass joke
a British family is vacationing in Africe on a safari. at their base camp they gather around the fire each night to eat, tell stories and relax with their native guides. on the first night they hear drumming, cheering and the sound of dancing apparently coming from a nearby village. at first the English wife is alarmed but the guide explains that it is quite normal and there is no danger. this goes on for several nights, every night the drumming and cheering becomes louder and the apparent sound of dancing becomes more intense.
then on their final night of the safari they gather and hear the usual sounds, only this night suddenly the drumming, cheering and dancing suddenly stop
the English woman becomes alarmed again "guide! guide!!! why did the drumming and dancing stop????!!!"
the guide answers "bass solo"

OK i'll stop there.....let me know if you can handle another

[freedom moose]

i heard that one before. a psychologist once told me. no i wasn't a patient.

[Jemian]

Tell me, tell me. I want another.

[freedom moose]

OK
this trombone player is coming home from a rehearsal and his wife calls him and asks him to pick up a few things at the store. he can't find a good parking spot, so he decides to park illegally right in front of the store. he hops out of the car and leaves his instrument in the back seat since he'll only be a minute, it's daytime in a safe neighborhood and the car's right in front of the store. when he comes back out a few minutes later, to his horror the back window is smashed. he runs to the car and looks inside

and finds 5 more trombones in the back seat

[Jemian]

LOL! I love it! My husband is a band director.

[fnord]

hahaha

[mean lunch lady]

Thanks for starting this. I have a baseball story that is taken from the book by Bob Hope, the former promotional director of the Atlanta Braves. The story goes that one of the pitchers went to the general manager asking for more money because he felt was worth more. The manager asked him "Where did we finish last season?" and the pitcher said, "We came in last". The manager then replied, "Well, son,I think we could have finished last without you".
I love it!

[mean lunch lady]

LOL

[freedom moose]

LOL! I love it! My husband is a band director.

well in that case..........
>(the first one's even about baseball

Q: What's the difference between an oboe and a bassoon?
A: You can hit a baseball further with a bassoon.

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I think I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?
A: A tattoo.


Q: What do you call a drummer in a three-piece suit?
A: "The Defendant"


Q: What's the difference between a guitar player and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.


Q: What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A: A music critic.


Q: How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
A: Put it in a viola case.

Q: What will you never say about a banjo player?
A: That's the banjo player's Porsche.


Q: Why are violist's fingers like lightning?
A: They rarely strike the same spot twice.

Tuba Player: "Did you hear my last recital?"
Friend: "I hope so."


Relative minor: A guitarist's girlfriend.


Female vocalist asks her keyboard player, "I'd like to do 'My Funny Valentine' again tonight... but can you think of a way to 'jazz' it up?"
Keyboard player replies, "Sure, we can do the first chorus in G minor, then modulate to G# minor for the second chorus in 5/4 time, then modulate to A minor in 3/4 time for the bridge, then cut off the last 3 bars!"
She exclaims, "that might be too complicated to do without a rehearsal!"
Keyboard player responds, "Well, that's how you did it last night!"