Posted on 12/11/2004 5:37:20 AM PST by RobFromGa
To Any Person Who Suspects They May Have a Drinking Problem,
I have written this to describe my experiences of the past 14 months as I have worked to resolve my drinking problem. Everyone is different and I do not propose to be an expert on this topic, but I have my own personal experience and I am sharing it in the hope that it might help someone else to solve this problem and change their life.
I have now been sober for 14 months without a drop of alcohol. This is not a long time as compared to over 25 years of heavy drinking, but I also know something else: I am totally confident that I will never drink again.
In that 14 months I have made it through two football tailgating seasons, over a hundred business lunches and dinners, numerous trips to Germany where beer flows like water, parties, picnics, Super Bowls, a Caribbean cruise, several family vacations, ups and down in life, etc. All things that I thought “required” alcohol.
Fortunately, I did not have some event that caused me to hit “rock bottom”. (I could have had many rock bottoms but I was lucky). Some people need to lose their job, lose their family, kill or seriously injure someone in a car accident, end up in prison, or many other horrible things that alcohol (or drugs) can cause in order to gather the will to quit. Some people think that “bottom” is the only thing that can make a drinker quit for good. I have met many people who proved to me that this is false, you can make such a decision without going through the horrors. But in some ways it is tougher to take the first step.
In every other way, it is much easier to skip the “rock bottom” step and I hope that this letter helps at least one other person to avoid the lost job, lost marriage or prison route to sobriety.
Last October, I made a firm decision to quit and I followed through on that commitment. But I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit that I had similarly tried to control my drinking or quit at least 100 times before.
Why was I able to quit this time as compared with the previous 100 attempts? This is a very good question. The only answer I have come up with as to is that this time I was really ready to quit for myself alone. I was truly 100% sick and tired of the way alcohol affected me and I wanted a different life. All the other times I was, in some way, not really ready to control my drinking. The bottle was still in charge. I tried many tactics: I’d only drink on weekends, only drink after 5pm, only drink at parties (almost anything can become a party in such a plan), only drink beer, only drink wine, only drink hard liquor, only drink things I didn’t like the taste of (I know it sounds nuts but I was nuts), only drink every other week, quit for a day, quit for a weekend, quit for a week, quit for “this vacation or event”. I tried every way to quit in the world to stop drinking except the way that eventually worked for me.
If you are reading this and you know someone that has a drinking problem and you want to help them, you must understand that you are at a severe disadvantage. This is a condition of the mind more than a condition of the body and it is nearly impossible to bring another person to a mental place where they can admit that alcohol is causing more pain in their life than the pleasure it brings. Because a drinker can hardly imagine life without alcohol. It is with us at many points of our thinking and decision making process. We make plans around alcohol and drinking, not all of the time but enough.
If this does not sound like you at this point but you still think you might have a problem, I am not going to tell you that you are OK with your drinking, I will only say that you don’t have the same problem that I was facing so my experience may be of little value to you. I do know people who can go for long periods with nothing at all, then they “binge” and drink to pass out. This is obviously a problem, but not the problem that I have experience with. For 25 years I drank to excess. I often did not get "drunk" but I was always under the influence. For many of those years I drank daily, sometimes starting at 6am and going till 2am the next night. I am not proud of this but it is the truth.
As a problem drinker, you probably associate most of the “fun” you have in life with alcohol in some portion and are worried that without alcohol you will become a dull, bored person with no joy in life. You probably think that there are some things where you will always have to drink to enjoy. I know I worried about that, and I can assure you it is false. You will enjoy life more when you quit, at least that has been my experience. Even that Caribbean cruise and college football tailgating.
I first started drinking in High School. I don’t feel that it is necessary to recount the whole story but I drank to blackout on a number of incidences. Other times I just got really drunk and did stupid things that put my life at risk. I drove many times when I had no business on the road, and it would not have taken much to have had a series of events happen that would have changed my life for the worse. In college, I made good grades at a top Engineering school, while drinking heavily. It was a joke that I would study with a bottle of Jim Beam next to my desk.
As I got into the business world, and specifically into sales, drinking is a daily part of business life. At least that’s what a drinker thinks. And for people who do not have a problem controlling it, drinking is a wonderful part of life. The occasional party or business dinner and a few social drinks to move the business forward are great. But I was never able to do that—for me it was five, ten, fifteen drinks. Into the late hours, with not enough sleep, feeling like crap the next morning when I should have been at my best. Then repeating the same behavior each night. And I was very successful, and I thought drinking was part of the success.
I rationalized that with my talent, the drinking was part of who I am, and that even at 50% I was still more capable than most others so it wasn’t necessary to control myself.
I know this is getting long so I’ll get to the point: One Friday last October I was driving down the road. I hadn’t had a drink in two days and was in one of my “quit drinking the rest of the week” attempts. Rush Limbaugh announced that he was going to a Rehab Center for his drug addiction to resolve his problem. This for some reason got through to me. I called two people that I am close with and told them that I was not going to drink one drop of alcohol until Rush came out of treatment. (Telling these people I had made this decision helped me).
I told myself that after thirty days, I would decide whether I would drink again in a more controlled manner or stop completely. I did not have the luxury of taking the time off from work to enter treatment, but since Rush was going in, he was in there for both of us.
I did not attend AA (although I will talk about AA later) but I was clearly at the first step of their program. It is a very simple concept:
I admitted that I had a drinking problem and that I wanted to do something about it. I can tell you that if you are really at that point then you can fix yourself. If you are not at that step, then there is nothing that anyone can do to help you and I hope that you stay alive, and intact until you reach that point.
After about a week of sobriety, I stopped thinking about alcohol very much. I threw myself into work and tried to start losing weight as well. By the second week I made the decision: “I WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN” and I wrote that in my journal. I recognized that a bottle of booze is an inanimate object that is simply poison to me and that it cannot force itself into my body. I have the control over whether I use my arms to bring the poison to my lips. And I choose not to allow that to happen ever again.
I have noticed that there is an inner “voice” that I have (he stays fairly silent now) that in the beginning used to put thoughts in my mind like: “surely you can just have one, you’ve been good”, “it’s a beautiful Fall Day, surely you could just do the social drink”, “you’re in the Caribbean for Gods’ sakes, shouldn’t you at least have one Margarita to celebrate your sobriety”. When my mind lets the inner voice talk, I quickly reassert control and think about the serenity that I have found since I quit drinking.
I need to stop writing now, the family is waking up, but I will write another letter tomorrow morning which describes these 14 months and what other tactics I have used in my sobriety.
I hope that this helps at least one other soul out there. Feel free to post questions or suggestions.
FReegards, RobFromGa
I don't think it's that simple...I do think there are genetic predispositions....but I do not discount the social tendencies so easily.
Prayers for you. When you're ready you'll know. But please don't wait too long!
after many failed attempts including cold turkey and hypnosis, Zyban (Welbutrin) worked for me.
I smoked my last cigarette the day before going to the "March for Justice" in October '98. Being in a van full of non-smoking Freepers for most of the day made the start easier.
Been there, done that. Beer was my drink of choice....In fact for the last 8 years of my "drinking career" beer was the only alcohol I consumed.
There's plenty of "hands up" here....if you want them.
FRegards,
I quit almost 4 years ago, do you mind if I try and answer this question too?
While everyone is different, I knew I had a problem when I would wake up in the middle of the night passed out in a chair or on couch with TV blaring, all the lights on, and even candles burning. Banging into the walls on my way to bed, I wouldn't stop to take my clothes or makeup off or brush my teeth. When I would wake up in the morning, I wouldn't be hung over, (or at least I thought I wasn't) but I never remembered going to bed. This habit was repeated nightly for years and I knew it was dangerous and had to stop.
Thank you for sharing.
John
I agree, but, know one can tell you that, you have to admit it to yourself.
Everything is genetic**
There is a great amount of wisdom in the "few basic caveats" you have listed in post 126.
Thank you.
There is another inner voice, the voice of the Spirit of God who can and will help you...in fact, IMHO, He has been helping you and you are tuning yourself more and more to Him now.
It is because of the desire of your heart, as you said, that you have been able to do this and I commend and congratulate you on making that decision and then having the integrity and honor to stick with it. It is at that point, when such decisions are made and committed to as a result of the sincere desire of our heart that God can help us. I believe He has helped you.
I will copy your story and spread it around if you do not mind. I know several friends and relatives who could benefit from your experience. Yopu really should consider making it into a book and publishing it.
Congrats bro. Got my 1 yr coin 11/17. Any fellow freepers alumni of Hazelden? Mail me!
I worked there for a year (in West Palm Beach, FL) does that count? LOL I could never afford to go to treatment there.
Congratulations. Keep coming.
I went to Center City, MN. Cashed in some IRA's to attend. I look at it as an alternative investment since I will not live to age 60 if I pick up again.
I can relate to that as I am blessed with the same reaction to alcohol. I drink it for the pleasure of it and imbibe every day, be it beer or wine, and I have that same automatic cut-off switch that tells me when I've had enough. Not only do I not get drunk but I don't want to get drunk as it ruins the experience for me. Nothing worse then losing control of one's faculities and then getting up in the morning with a hangover so I avoid it.
However, I do not have the same relationship with food. For many years, I was signifcantly overweight because I stuffed myself everyday. I could never get enough food. I'd stop at the convenience store on the way home from work (knowing I'd have dinner shortly) and grab a bag of chips or a box of cookies for the ride. All the same things that alcoholics talk about, I had with food. I kept stashes of food hidden around the house. Before going to a party, I'd gobble some food before going just in case there wasn't enough food when I got there. Then when I got to the party, I'd always be concerned that the food would run out before I got my fill so I'd be grabbing as much as possible early on. At restaurants, I'd obsess about portion size and have my wife and kids order full meals so that I could take stuff off their plates just in case there wasn't enough on my plate. Then when I had my fill, I'd hurry up my wife and kids because I hated sitting in a restaurant in front of an empty plate.
So I totally understand the alcoholic thing even though I was never an alcoholic myself. There are other addictions out there too, such as gambling, smoking, drugs, sex and pornography. Even sports. I know somebody who has to be watching sports all the time and obsesses over just about every sport.
Well like Rob, I kicked my habit about 20 months ago. I've taken off over 100 pounds and still I am constantly tempted by foods that I no longer allow myself to eat. I've gone through two Thanksgiving/Christmas seasons without having a single cookie, pastry, piece of pie, etc. I'll allow myself a sugar-free treat once in a while but basically I stick to whole foods and avoid processed foods that are high in sugar, salt and artificial ingredients. This is a constant struggle that I must deal with the rest of my life, otherwise I will become very fat again.
I believe there is something about the wiring in a human's brain that makes one susceptible to addictive behavior. I don't know of a single person who does not have an obsession/addiction of some type. I'm not saying this in an effort to "make us all victims." It's just the way it is.
Yes to that, but also, there is a whole new world out there since I can drive after six PM now! Six PM is when I would have my first drink.
....I found this to be true also. I never knew how red and bloated my face was. Well, I guess I knew, but thought it was caused by getting older.
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