If You Suspect You Might Have A Drinking Problem (An Open Letter)

RobFromGa | December 11, 2004 | RobFromGa

[Rightfootforward]

Many thanks and congratulations to you, Rob! I'm extremely happy for you. Also appreciate that you posted your story. Though I'd often wondered if this or that FReeper might be sober, I had NO idea I was in so much good company!
And yes, I am an alcoholic. Am happy and grateful to report that I've been continuously sober in AA since September 10, 1970. Best decision I EVER made in my life. But I know full well that without all of the wonderful support and knowledge I gained through my program, there isn't a chance I would have been able to stay the course.
For any of you that may not know, may I assure you that there IS life after sobriety. Happy, fulfilling, joyful life, I might add. Have the same problems I would have had if I hadn't been alcoholic. Difference is, I've been taught how to live through them without alcohol or drugs in my system. Not a bad deal from my perspective. Not a bad deal at all.
Oops, nearly forgot. Lest any of you think I'm 496 years old, I got sober at age 22. I'll let you do the math > smile.

[SweetCaroline]

They'll go so far as to put a drink in front of me. They think I'm acting strange when I decline. I don't get invited on the next fishing trip or whatever. ....can I give you my view of that?

I've been a bartender for more years than I like to say. Actually on of the first few women that was allowed to join the bartender union in Mich., which is beside the point.
I have seen many friends do this to their friends who did not want a drink and I believe they do this to you because you can do what they can't and are afraid to do themselves. Also, if you are sober, you can see what a$$e$ they make of themselves when they get drunk so you are viewed as an outsider. If you drink with them you become one of them not an outsider.
I have talked to many drunk people after the crowd went home and before the bar closed at 2:30 AM and true feelings come out then. Many are truly lonely and know their addiction pushes their family away, but find it impossible to give the bottle up.
I had one very nice quite man who sat at my bar nightly and just stared ahead while he drank but said nothing. He said to me one night " Caroline, you know why I just sit and stare ahead and I said I didn't and he continued, "I see a skull and cross bones on every one of those bottles on your bar. I know their going to kill me someday and I'm just wondering why I can't stop before they do".

Sad thing is I never saw him again and don't know if it did kill him! I'd like to think he finally stopped.

[Hot Tabasco]

I drink at home due to boredom and loneliness, I also smoke like a chimney for the same reasons. Fortunately my drinking isn't yet excessive but it has still convinced me to give up several of my favorite activities in order to accomodate the drinking and stay at the house where life is comfortable...........

Alcohol has not really adversely impacted my life but after reading what I just typed.............. I guess it has.

I don't have an answer yet.............

[SE Mom]

Wonderful piece Rob and many thanks for writing and posting it for us.

As you can see- there are more of us "out there" than you'd ever think.

Since my father died from his alcoholism I feel especially blessed to be alive and sober. 22 years ago I found myself in an AA meeting- and have been sober since. I was 28 years old, and couldn't imagine a day, let alone a week without a drink. For me AA was the way home.

For anyone who is having those little niggling doubts or questions in the back of your mind, I encourage you to go to a few open AA meetings in your area and listen.

Not only is there life after sobriety- it is by far a better thing I EVER dreamed it would be:)

Thanks again Rob!

[tiki]

My husband stopped drinking 20 yrs ago in November. I know you did it for yourself but after 13 yrs of living with him I told him enough was enough, I had already gone to Al-Anon for 3 yrs and I realized I was going to go crazy if he kept drinking and the only way I could see of getting rid of the problem was to run away.

He swore he'd go to AA but the night of the meeting he literally begged me not to make him go. I just told him that it was his choice but if he ever drank again just don't come home, don't call me, don't write me and never talk to me again. Well, somehow he managed to stay sober even with all his alcoholic friends and it has been a wonderful 20 yrs.

Then my son became a teenager and lo and behold he was an alcoholic. Having lived through it with my husband didn't make it any easier, in fact I think it was harder because he was my child. I just didn't know how to handle it. I talked to him, prayed for him, was happy that he had found a good woman and eventually had 2 children and between us we kept him on a short leash but alcoholics will drink any chance they get and I don't know how many times his wife called me crying.

I tried to get her to go to Al-Anon but she wouldn't and she used me to lean on but she wasn't ready to do the hard work. One day she called me crying and I lost it. I told her to take the kids and leave. Sometime, a few months later she took my advice and took off and stayed away for a week then she came home madder than a wet hen. She dropped her kids at my house and went home and gave him the ultimatum and after living w/o his family for a week he was ready to listen. Except for one incident 4 yrs into sobriety, he's been sober for 8 yrs.

I know it was hard for both of them but they did it and I'm so proud of both of them. They aren't carrying on the family legacy and they know they don't have to.

[Flightdeck]

your ping graphic says 'addition recovery'!

[PeriwinkleMinniepaws]

Very nice. Thank you tiki.

PwMp

[RobFromGa]

I'll get it fixed, thanks for the heads up.

[RGSpincich]

your ping graphic says 'addition recovery'!

Now that's one I'd be interested in. I'm living with four teenage "additions"...

Quit drinking 14 years ago and haven't missed it.

[Syberyenta]

Rob:
Thanks for sharing this: I've been a friend of Bill's since 1992. It was a tonic (plain tonic, please, haha) to hear your story which is soooo familiar to me.

Folks, nobody would have bet I could stay sober a week.
Except me, finally, and my sponsor. And that has made all the difference.

[quantim]

Where do "non-alcohol" beer and wine come into the picture?

When using heavy and/or lethal equipment. Like chain saws.

[SeaBiscuit]

SamAdams76

Congratulations to you. And you are right about addictions, it doesn't matter what a person is chained to because it always leads to the same thing, it steals away your life and often to those closest to you. God Bless you and continued success.

kanawa

I too used a Hazelden book for the first 5 years, they put out some wonderful stuff. The book I carried with me everywhere was, "24 Hours A Day", a.k.a The Little Black Book. Very Helpful.

Jeff Head

"There is another inner voice, the voice of the Spirit of God who can and will help you"

That bares repeating. When I finally became willing to open myself to God's voice my struggle ceased. And I have to thank AA for helping me find that path.

xcamel

Thanks for the FReepmail.

Good stuff all!

[TexasCowboy]

Thanks for the ping, willieroe.

Rob, congratulations!!

I've known Bill W. for twenty -one years, eleven months and nineteen days, one day at a time.
In my case, AA saved my life.
I had to lose everything I had including my wife, kids, home and job before I would admit that I was powerless over alcohol.
I was in the process of trying to kill myself when a kind, loving woman intervened and AA came to my rescue.
I was literally carried to my first AA meeting in Singapore, and two weeks later God lifted that burden off my shoulders. That sweet, clean wind that Bill W. speaks of, blew through my soul, and the desire to drink has never returned.

There's been LOTS of good advice given on this thread, and I'll add just a little more:

Drinking to an alcoholic is not the problem, any more than the temperature of a person with the flu is the problem.
Drinking is only a symptom of the problem. Only when the drinking stops can one work on the real problems.

Any attempt to blame genetics or childhoods or physical predispositions or allergies or anything else, is a cop-out. Alcoholics drink because they want to drink, and if they can find anything or anyone to blame for their misery, they will do so.

The best ally I've found for long term, happy sobriety is absolute, gut wrenching honesty with oneself.

I would enjoy being on your ping list.

[Fiddlstix]

BTTT

[Jorge]

I've been drinking since I was 15 years old and am now 50 and have no intentions of stopping unless I have to.

I've had to quit all kinds of drugs like herion, cocaine, speed, PCP and I've even quit cigarettes, but I still enjoy drinking beer. Every night.

[SeaBiscuit]

"Drinking is only a symptom of the problem. Only when the drinking stops can one work on the real problems.

Any attempt to blame genetics or childhoods or physical predispositions or allergies or anything else, is a cop-out. Alcoholics drink because they want to drink, and if they can find anything or anyone to blame for their misery, they will do so.

The best ally I've found for long term, happy sobriety is absolute, gut wrenching honesty with oneself."

That's exactly how I see it, excellent, very well said, You captured it in a nutshell IMO. Rigorous self-honesty is crucial.

[Captain Peter Blood]

I found your story a familiar one. I to was in a rut with alcohol and realized I was drinking way too much but that I was really getting tired of it. I went in for a checkup and talked to my doctor and decided right then I should quit, I did. I did not have a drink for over 2 1/2 years until about three months ago when my Father had to have emergency open heart surgery. After that stressful day I had a few drinks and I discovered that I no longer really cared about booze and have now even developed a distaste for it. I don't think I will ever go back to drinking again and I tell you it feels good to be in charge totally all the time. I had friends wanting to know if I had ever considered AA but no that wasn't something I thought I needed. If you want to quit you can all it takes is the will and self discipline to do so.

[Lando Lincoln]

Rob....your FRiends are behind you 100%. It takes courage, honesty and a ton of prayers to overcome an addiction. My wife has worked as a counselor and some in our families have had the problem. Stay strong - one day, one moment at a time.

Lando

[Quix]

TREMENDOUS DOC, ROB,

VERY, VERY WELL DONE.

THANKS TONS FOR MANY PEOPLE. Thank God, have never had even a slight drinking problem. May dring 3-4 or so glasses of wine a YEAR. Can't find a low alcohol, fruity wine I like. Would drink a glass a day if I found one I could afford. Asti Spumanti is not affordable!

Anyway--worked in alcohol counseling and it's a dreadful problem. You said it all very well.

Want to help bump this over the next week.

Blessings,