Skip to comments.F*** the south (Barfer for sure - but still funny)
Posted on 02/16/2005 8:24:45 PM PST by Graybeard58
F*** the South. F*** 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep.
And now what do we get? We're the f****** Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really?
Cause we f****** founded this country, a*******s. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that b******t about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the f*****g sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were f*****g blue-staters, d***head. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the f*****g monuments are up here in our backyard?
No, No. Get the f*** out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and f*****g Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those f*****g stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for f*****g blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their f*****g Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this s***, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" d***heads. F*** off.
Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being f*****g arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the f*****g cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so f*****g arrogant if I wasn't paying for your f*****g bridges, b***h.
All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your f*****g Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a f*****g swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, its a s***hole," we said, but you had to have your f*****g orange juice.
The next d***wad who says, "Its your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their a** kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal f*****g dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. Thats right, m**********r, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? Its too easy, a**hole, theyre blue states. Its not your money, a**holes, its f*****g our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own f*****g stop signs, a**holes.
Lets talk about those values for a f*****g minute. You and your Southern values can bite my a** because the blue states got the values over you f*****g Real Americans every day of the g*****n week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping d***wads? Well? Can you guess? Its f*****g Massachusetts, the f*****g center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, thats right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the f*****g nation. Think thats just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are f*****g blue states, a**hole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to f*****g guess? 10 of the top 10 are f*****g red-a**we're-so-f*****g-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its f*****g part.
But two guys making out is going to f*****g ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little b******s. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we f*****g get to hear about it every g*****n year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're f*****g towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us f*****g Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous a**holes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the f*****g Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, a**holes.
Well this gravy train is f*****g over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical b******t and shove it up your a**.
And no, you can't have your f*****g convention in New York next time. F*** off.
We are not allowed to link to where I got this garbage but if you want a link to read the whole thread, FReepmail me.
It's my money, not the government's money. Come and kick my ass tough guy.
And this red county is playing for the blue hellholes in my own state, so in the words of Kid Rock - "Sit yer ass down before I blast you one."
Check this out.
Where's standwatie when you need him? :o)
and they loved Jimmah Carter, he was from the South....
but they changed their minds about Jimmah when he started doing weird stuff like dressing up like this...
DU kids say the darndest things.
I like the way this mother f**ker expresses himself. Goddamn well said.
Pretty d*** funny! Had to laugh as some of it rings true!
And no, I will never suggest they ever have another Republican Convention there. I almost wet my britches worrying over the last one.
I have some other things to say, but they are not for public dissemination.
All in all, to give credit where credit is due, it was a funny rant.
Now he can get back on his Prozac.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Massachusetts and Connecticut rank first and second, respectively, for having the lowest divorce rates in the nation, according to new 1994 divorce data from the National Center for Health Statistics. Both states experienced a moderate drop in divorce rates between 1992 and 1994 to remain at the top of the list. Massachusetts fell from 2.8 in 1992 to 2.4 in 1994, while Connecticut fell from 3.1 to 2.8.
Nevada once again had the highest divorce rate in the country, even though it experienced the most marked drop in divorce rates during the two-year period. Nevada fell from 11.4 in 1992 to 9.0 in 1994.
The divorce rate per 1,000 population for the entire United States was 4.6 in 1994, down from 4.8 in 1992. Generally, rates were lower in the Northeast and Midwest and higher in the West and Southeast.
Only four states (New York, South Dakota, Missouri, and Mississippi) experienced a rise in divorce rates between 1992 and 1994. Eight other states held the same rate during 1992 and 1994. Vermont, with a drop in the divorce rate from 5.2 to 4.0, rose in rank from 27th to a tie for 15th position.
You managed to say all of that without using any profanity.
Nah, you're giving this guy too much credit - all facts are from an OpEd piece in the Boston Globe October 31, 2004.......... the guy claims in his piece that born again Christians have a much higher divorce rate than Catholics -may be true but funny since both Senators from Mass are divorced Catholics............
One a murderer and the other a traitor.
I'm married to a Marine - this guy is a lightweight - lol
Are you sure Chris Rock didn't write that? It looks like his typical rant.
OMG, someone actually took the time to write that drivel? And wasn't being sarcastic?
No they aren't. They are only self-proclaimed Catholics...
It's impossible to be pro-abort and Catholic.
Not Chris Rock - no mention of the white man beating down a brother......... ;^)
I stand corrected Dan - poser Catholics then...... ;^)
Thank you. Much better. :)
The divorce rate all over the country is bad - but Texas makes it too easy to obtain a divorce - No Fault - 60 days from filing to divorce if not contested..........
What that boy needs is a good southern breakfast with bacon and eggs and grits and biscuits.
I think his tofu went bad on him.
(Just watch out for the fast-talking disclaimer. You know, "MayCauseRashes,Scabs,ExplosiveDiharrea,Nosebleeds,RupturedEardrums,Autism,BirthDefects,PrematureEjacultion,Dropsy,NarcolepsyAndMeasles. ThereIsAlsoALowRiskOfSexualSideEffects. Use as directed.")
I watched you on O'Reily last night. Great job.
Thanks! I appreciate it!
Besides,I could also swear more articulately in Hungarian when I was five.
Man, you kicked the proverbial behind. It's a pleasure typing to you. I will now go check out project 21.