Posted on 05/05/2005 10:48:08 AM PDT by missyme
The experience of unrequited love – not just a minor crush, but an intense passionate yearning – is virtually universal at some point in everyone's love life.
A study involving more than 150 men and women found that only two percent had never loved someone who spurned them, or found themselves the object of romantic passion they did not reciprocate. No wonder so many people stay in a dating relationship even when they know it's not the best thing for them.
The investment of time, energy, and even money can lead some people to hang onto an unhappy relationship, believing the payoff is coming soon. They don't want to have wasted their efforts. They don't want to have "failed." Some may stay in an unhealthy relationship because of social pressure.
We recently spoke to a seemingly mature woman who had legitimate reasons for breaking up with her boyfriend, but because her friends wanted her to attend a big year-end party with them as a "couple," she was putting off the breakup for a couple months.
Another reason some stay in an unsatisfactory relationship is because they don't have an alternative. The ol' plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea maxim rings hollow for them, so they stay stuck.
There are a variety of reasons a person might stay in an unhappy dating relationship, but by far, the most common is this: Even a bad relationship can bring a feeling of security. No matter how false it actually is, the feeling of being "involved" brings assurance.
People in these kinds of relationships usually won't admit it, but like a familiar pair of worn out shoes, their relationship provides a sense of comfort they can't seem give up-no matter how bad the relationship really is.
Dan, a 24 year-old, recently admitted to us that he has been in a dating relationship for nearly two years that is "going nowhere." He told us that hardly a weekend goes by where they don't end up fighting. Their interests are at polar extremes; he likes racecars, she's into novels. They don't even pretend to like what the other is into.
More troubling than their divergent interests, however, is their lack of shared values. Dan is committed to his faith while she wants nothing to do with church. "I don't know why we're still together," he told us. "I guess it's just nice to know there is someone there for you."
Really? It didn't sound like they were there for each other. Was Dan serious? Indeed, he was. Like every other lonelyheart in a no-good dating relationship, Dan's only love was security.
The human compulsion for security is stronger than a magnet. It can play serious tricks on our faculties. And since we often don't like the anxiety that comes from making waves, we don't rock the boat. We sit quietly in our relationship, going nowhere, drifting aimlessly when we should be making some tough decisions.
"I think when you first start dating" says comedian Jerry Seinfeld, "they ought to give you three 'Get Out of Relationship Free' cards." If only it were that easy.
Ask Theresa.
That's Easy MOOLA!!!
I suffered for years from unrequited narcissism.
Shoot, I've found it to be much easier to be single than to be in a bad relationship.
I won't claim to like being single, however, I have enough problems without dealing with the garbage that goes with a bad relationship.
Actually I think the ideal (When there is no Kids involved) is to have a Part Time Marraige? is there such a thing????
You get more tail in a bad relationship than no relationship.
I guess you could say for some: (Security=Tail..LOL..)
In practice, shared dislikes seem to be a good foundation for a relationship.
Yes I don't know many men who liike to go Shoes Shopping or Mall Shopping or hang out at the Craft Store or watch Lifetime TV, Gab on the phone to there Mother's for hours,
Complain, Bitch about *just whatever* spend a day at the Spa, yet most men if you fix them awesome meals and give it up when they want and let them hang out with there buddies there pretty low maintenance..HAHA
Men are like dogs. Simple. Feed them & give them a rub, and let them chase the proverbial ball and they are happy. No ulterior motives.
Women are like cats. No one knows what they hell they are thinking, and are damn near impossible to figure out.
It starts real early, too. This morning I asked my daughter if she wanted an egg or oatmeal and she ran away screeaming calling me a jerk, because what she really wanted was a pop tart. I wonder when they send girls to "woman school".
Why be married part time? Might as well be friends who "hook up" once in a while.
If I get married again, it's going to be because my life is better with this person as a full partner in my life.
The converse should be true of her.
Of course, since my ideal is a Conservo-babe who believes in God, guns, beer and travel is rather rare, I may be single for a long time yet.
LOL...How true! Notice Women are the Cat lovers and Men Dog Lovers There is truth in that!
Your daughter just being a typical female! no harm no foul.LOL...
Why Stay in a Bad Relationship?
Moving is hard?
When I say PT I mean I think relationships are better when 2 people are not stuck together 24/7 GOD did not say you need to be with your spouse every waking moment now did he?
I have been married to a man that has traveled most of my relationship with him it has been the ideal I always appreciated him more the 4 days a month he was home.
Well, isn't there a line in the Bible that says "The two shall become as one."
All that aside, if you've been married a long time, and it has worked out well, then I applaud you.
Longevity in marriage is so rare anymore, that one should take notice when someone achieves it.
The two shall become as one."
That does not mean stuck up each other's ying yang???
Relationships can be good but bad at times or they can be BAd and good at times...
I have never seen a Perfect Relationship NEVER.
haha......which one is yours?......*wink*.....just got home, see runbox and all is well......just read your post....hmmmmmmm......later
Mine is like a roadmap!
haha.......now that tells me nothing......LOL...guess it depends on where that roadmap is taking you......now doesn't it......later......see runbox and FReepmail...bye bye
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