Skip to comments.Justification For War (SMURF!) (Funny Stuff!)
Posted on 10/12/2005 8:15:36 AM PDT by areafiftyone
Now THAT'S smurfed up!
Most sane people figured this out 25 years ago, but finally the U.N. got the memo that Smurfs are up to no good and bombed their sorry blue butts:
These subhuman creatures live in a patriarical society ruled by a quasi-religious dictator with a beard, they devalue the lone female in the town by forcing her to care for the children (a career-killing move for any upwardly mobile young woman), and they hate cats... and that really pissed off Laurence Simon. To top it off, they are somehow related to Belgium.
Oh, wait. Now I'm getting word that this is actually an anti-war campaign funded by the UN to shame George W. Bush for personally toppling brutal Arab dictatorships and make Americans feel guilty for cutting off Kojo Anan's multimillion dollar per year gig moonlighting for Baathist Iraq's oil merchants.
Yep, after seeing the devastation of the Smurfs, I can't help feeling smurfy. George W. Bush is so smurfing bad, I just smurfed myself.
Can the carnage of the Snorks be far behind?
Justification For War
As outlined in President Bush's 2003 State of the Union Address, the US had good cause for the invasion and bombing of the Smurf Village:
Ruthless dictator Saddam Smurfsein.
Embezzled "Oil for Smurfs" money squandered on lavish palaces.
Chemical Ali Smurf cooking up Weapons of Smurfy Destruction in mobile laboratory.
Political prisoners smurfed into filthy dungeons without trial.
Less fortunate Smurfs simply "disappear".
And of course, the MOST important reason to attack the Smurfs...
They've got oil.
Jessie Hi Smurfson blaming Bushy Smurf too??
Is it true that dead Smurfs are a source of alternative fuel?
I thought they made good eatin! But what do I know?
PETA held a press conference and announced today it's condemnation of former president George H.W. Bush and the current president Bush.
"Look!" said PETA official Gary Yourofsky, "They are killing that fish! Killing a fish! An innocent fish! Look at the pain on the fishes eye! That poor fish! Those ba$tards!"
Yourofsky went on to say "That fish has a hook in it and and is being held by it's lips! Those pretty pouty fish lips. Look at that slimy slippery fish mouth! Oh, and look at the stripes on that fish! And that tail, that tail is hot! "
Unfortunately the press conference was stopped because Mr. Yourofsky suddenly removed his clothes and started to fondle himself in front of reporters.
(WE NOW CUT AWAY TO A SECRET ROOM HIGH ATOP THE WILLIAM J. CLINTON LIBRARY AND MASSAGE PARLOUR IN ARKANSAS)
CLINTON (watching TV): Damn! What is this PETA guy doing? Look what he is doing with that fish picture! This is great TV!
CLINTON (turning to secret service agent): Hey! Get me that bottle of oil from the bathroom and take a hike for a few minutes. This PETA guy is making me hot!
SECRET SERVICE AGENT: Should we charge the defibrillator as usual sir?
CLINTON: Hell yes! Just make sure to run in here with it and hit me with a few 100 volts at just the right time. And check around and see if we have a fish market close by. This PETA guy is on to something!
SECRET SERVICE AGENT: (sighing) Yes sir!
CLINTON: Oh, I need some more Hillary posters! Tack some more up on the wall! The life size ones! The ones with the big fat ankles.
SECRET SERVICE AGENT: Sir, we've talked to you about this many times before. You cannot shoot the shotgun in the library building. It's OK to pee on the pictures again, throw eggs at them again but just not shoot them with the 12 gauge. It upsets the people touring the facility.
CLINTON: Like hell! We haven't had a visitor since those Saudi guys were here last month! Man, that's a nice fish. Yea baby!
SECRET SERVICE AGENT: Uh, I'll be outside......
OMG That is too funny!
Brainy Smurf, like Leon Trotsky has round spectacles. Trotsky, who many felt was the more intelligent (and less brutal) idealogue than Stalin, as Brainy Smurf, seizes power in several episodes when Papa Smurf is away. A high ranking official under Lenin, Trotsky was later exiled for being a traitor because his ideas clashed with Stalin's; many consider Trotsky's ideas on economic and social reform to be more practical than those of Stalin and the Soviet leadership. Brainy also thought too much for his own good. He was alone in his willingness to question the ideals of Smurfism, his own ideas at times getting him into trouble from Papa Smurf and his peers. He is often isolated, ridiculed or even ejected from the commune of the village for his ideas. The Smurfs wear standard clothing (with the notable exception of Papa Smurf): a simple white cap and white slacks. Each smurf has minor accessories that differentiate them from each other. This systematic uniform can be seen by some as a representation of a Mao suit from The People's Republic of China. This is a representation of equality.
Gargamel forces Azrael, his ginger cat, to do almost all of the laborious and/or dangerous activities in his various plots to catch the Smurfs. Azrael can be seen as the proletariat, being exploited by Gargamel, the bourgeoisie. Azrael is uncomplaining, or, since he has no voice (i.e. trade unions), is metaphorically unable to complain. He cannot negotiate his wage - he eats whatever he is given by his master. One could say Azrael sustains on starvation wages.
Gargamel could be seen as the physical stereotype for capitalism: a man, totally consumed by greed. Economics The Smurfs live in an egalitarian utopia. Each smurf has a particular skill and each perform tasks to the benefit of the community. There is no system of monetary exchange or even barter in the Smurf village. The village is under a planned economy, under the leadership of Papa Smurf, and to some extent, Brainy Smurf.
The food in the Smurf Village was stored away in mushrooms the minute it was harvested and then equally distributed to all the Smurfs throughout the year. No one "farmer smurf" sold his crop to one smurf or another. It was understood that the crop was for the entire Smurf population, not for the sale or profit of one smurf alone - an example of collective farming.
In the Smurf Comics, Finance Smurf introduced a short-lived system of monetary exchange, based upon the gold standard. He introduces the system after he is exposed to capitalism by trekking to a town in order to retrieve some medicine. He is portrayed as being logically short sighted; the system he introduces leads to corruption, poverty, malnutrition, and general discontent. In addition the monetary system increased the danger to the village, as Gargamel wished and tried to seize the Smurfs' stockpile of coinage.
With the exception of Smurfette, the Smurfs are completely male. Smurfette herself was created by Gargamel using magic in one episode - she was sent in as an evil force to corrupt and infiltrate the other Smurfs. Upon reaching the village, Smurfette had stiff black hair. Using a spell, Papa Smurf broke Gargamel's hold on Smurfette and she became one with the Smurfs--only now she had blond hair. The Smurfs sometimes do treat Smurfette as an object of attraction, but the majority of the time they grant her respect and place her at an equal level. The society must struggle to prevent the potential decadence created by the female allure. Soviet communism also battled the conflicts between the ideological proclamation of women's rights and the potential downsides to a Western-style sexual liberation.
Smurf society was composed of almost all males and there was almost no population growth. Like most children's shows of the time, sex and reproduction was something was simply not discussed. Some views of history claim records show the most sucessful communes are ones that stay small in population. This is to conserve resources, reduce social conflict, and maintain a high standard of life on an egalitarian scale. Smurfs only found problems with each other due to individual character faults: Brainy's aloofness and condescending attitude, Vanity's obssession with his own apperance, etc.
Smurfs are very open to each other's differences. Yet with these difference, there are not any cases of taunting at their expense, due to difference in lifestyle. This reinforces the ideals of acceptance in some visions of communistic and utopian socities.
A true Marxist is an atheist. There is no mention of god in Smurf comics, and there is no Priest Smurf. There are only forces of nature and physics, and these are represented metaphorically by the characters of Mother Nature, Father Time and through man-made creations such as Clockwork Smurf. Of course, there is also magic, as practised by Papa, Gargomel, Balthazar and others, but it is simply another tool, something that occurs in nature, that has physical properties and can be tapped into, with the right know-how. It is not, as many religions are, a way of understanding the universe in a supernatural context.
I never did trust those little bass turds!
Don't go to playing the bass card.
I encountered a typical Bush hater not long ago, and you can easily read between the lines and hear the disappointment that the image was fake. (How ironic, that her moniker is "user" and a number)
Funny stuff. Aren't smurfs a Generation X touchpoint?
I believe so.
It's so easy to make fun of liberals. Which is something I love to do because there is so much "material" and I heard that it's even legal under "Scottish Law" to make fun of them. Oh yea, it's also OK to make fun of Rino's.
Ping list for the discussion of the politics and social (and sometimes nostalgic) aspects that directly effects Generation Reagan / Generation-X (Those born from 1965-1981) including all the spending previous generations (i.e. The Baby Boomers) are doing that Gen-X and Y will end up paying for.
Freep mail me to be added or dropped. See my home page for details and previous articles.
Even funnier was the fact that my Panamanian colleagues told me that there was a rumor common in their country that Papa Smurf was supposed to be the devil and that the show promoted witchcraft.
Unfortunately, the Freep is an unmined treasure trove of RINO's, and I'd probably get banned if I went all out for them.
Always wanted to see the Smurfs get their comuppance.
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