Posted on 11/07/2005 8:37:38 AM PST by staytrue
DEAR SECRETARY OF AGRICULTURE,
MY FRIENDS DARRYL AND JANICE OVER BY BIG TIMBER, MONTANA RECENTLY RECEIVED A CHECK FOR $3,980 FROM THE GOVERNMENT FOR NOT RAISING HOGS. SO, I WOULD LIKE TO GO INTO THE NOT RAISING HOGS BUSINESS MYSELF VERY SOON.
WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS, IN YOUR OPINION, WHAT IS THE BEST TYPE OF FARM ON WHICH TO NOT RAISE HOGS AND WHAT BREED OF HOGS IS BEST NOT TO RAISE? I WANT TO BE CERTAIN THAT I APPROACH THIS ENDEAVOR IN KEEPING WITH ALL GOVERNMENT POLICIES. I WOULD PREFER TO NOT RAISE DUROC JERSEYS, BUT IF THAT IS NOT A GOOD CHOICE NOT TO RAISE THEN I COULD JUST AS EASILY NOT RAISE IMPROVED CHESTER WHITES OR YORKSHIRES.
AS I SEE IT, THE HARDEST PART OF THE PROGRAM WILL BE KEEPING AN ACCURATE INVENTORY OF HOW MANY HOGS I HAVEN'T RAISED. IF I CAN GET $1,000 FOR NOT RAISING 50 HOGS, WILL I GET $2,000 FOR NOT RAISING 100 HOGS? I PLAN TO START OUT OPERATING ON A SMALL SCALE AT FIRST, HOLDING MYSELF DOWN TO NOT RAISING 4,000 HOGS. THIS WILL GIVE ME AN INCOME OF $80,000 THE FIRST YEAR. THEN I CAN BUY A NEW, REALLY COOL HUMVEE.
NOW, ANOTHER THING COMES TO MIND. THE HOGS I DON'T RAISE WILL NOT EAT ABOUT 60,000 BUSHELS OF WHEAT AND CORN. I UNDERSTAND YOU PAY FARMERS NOT TO RAISE WHEAT AND CORN. HOW DO I QUALIFY FOR PAYMENTS FOR NOT RAISING WHEAT AND CORN NOT TO FEED TO THE HOGS I AM NOT GOING TO RAISE? I WANT TO GET STARTED NOT FEEDING AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, AS IT SEEMS LIKE A GOOD TIME TO NOT TO RAISE HOGS AND GRAIN.
I AM ALSO CONSIDERING THE "NOT MILKING COWS" BUSINESS AS WELL, SINCE I WILL HAVE LOTS OF TIME ON MY HANDS NOT RAISING- HOGS AND GRAIN SO PLEASE SEND ME INFORMATION ON THAT AS ALSO. IN VIEW OF THESE CIRCUMSTANCES I UNDERSTAND THE GOVERNMENT WILL CONSIDER ME TOTALLY UNEMPLOYED SO I PLAN TO APPLY FOR UNEMPLOYMENT AND FOOD STAMPS AS WELL.
BE ASSURED THAT YOUR PARTY WILL RECEIVE MY VOTE IN THE NEXT ELECTION.
PATRIOTICALLY YOURS,
My dad was born in Big Timber and proudly wears his "Where the hell is Big Timber?" fishing hat everwhere
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.