Barry Bonds retires from baseball: Says he will focus on training for "Dancing With the Stars 3"

"I was in the shower this morning," Bonds said, " and all of a sudden I just realized that this was what Barry Bonds was meant to do with the next chapter of his life. I've been a big fan of the show, and I can tell you, as a black man, I was embarassed by the performances of Master P and Jerry Rice. I mean, come, on, the idea that black men can't dance.. that's crapola..Rice should be ashamed of himself, losing to some honkey dude who before the show..well his only claim to fame was that he used to be Jessica Simpson's brother-in-law.."

When asked repeatedly if his sudden decision had anything to do with the just released article in Sports Illustrated detailed his abuse of performance enhancing drugs, Bonds denied it..

"Man, that's just bunk...pure garbage..Look, I can hit homers..Been there, done that..no longer a challenge..but the quickstep..well, now that's a whole new ball game. It's a new world for me...I mean, you know that I don't really "quickstep" around the bases, now do I."

"Look, ballroom dancing is a real sport. Hell, it's in the Olympics. Those people are in fabulous shape. They work and train hard. Great bodies.And besides...have you all seen the gorgeous chicks on that show? I mean..I can spend the next six months in the locker room with these guys here..and I've seen them all in the shower, remember... or else I can train intensely with one or more of those professional dancers. Do you think they'd let Stacey Keebler train me?"

Bonds abruptly ended the press conference, and was heard joking to the clubhouse man that "there ain't no damn drug testing in ballroom dancing."

1 posted on 03/08/2006 5:09:05 AM PST by ken5050

To: nutmeg; GraniteStateConservative

2 posted on 03/08/2006 5:09:36 AM PST by ken5050 (Ann Coulter needs to have children ASAP to propagate her gene pool. Any volunteers?)

Jerry Rice made it to the final two, he did quite well.

Mr P stunk.

3 posted on 03/08/2006 5:23:45 AM PST by WestCoastGal (If you believe you can't win, you have lost before the race has begun."-Dale Jr)

To: WestCoastGal

Jerry Rice made it to the final two, he did quite well.

The only thing that saved Rice was the call-in votes. Otherwise he would have been gone as fast as Kenny Maynes.

4 posted on 03/08/2006 5:26:27 AM PST by N. Theknow (Kennedys - Can't drive, can't fly, can't ski, can't skipper a boat - But they know what's best.)

Jerry did improve a lot from the first few shows. He shouldn't have come out ahead of Stacey when it came down to the final three of course.

I think Drew was the best of them all and he won.

5 posted on 03/08/2006 5:34:31 AM PST by WestCoastGal (If you believe you can't win, you have lost before the race has begun."-Dale Jr)

To: WestCoastGal

6 posted on 03/08/2006 5:47:54 AM PST by N. Theknow (Kennedys - Can't drive, can't fly, can't ski, can't skipper a boat - But they know what's best.)

he is such an imbecile.
who wants to see that big brute attempting to "dance"(more like ker-plunk) on a stage.
keep the dress on
you talk like one who owns one barry

7 posted on 03/08/2006 6:10:59 AM PST by ziggy_dlo (freedom security:give up a little of either, you deserve neither liberalcracks)

To: WestCoastGal

What's going on with Jerry Rice lately? Does he owe money to the mob? He also did a show called Pros vs. Joes on Spike. However, I have to say that I heartily enjoyed Proes vs. Joes. One of the dumbest, yet most entertaining shows on TV (much like Deal or No Deal).

8 posted on 03/08/2006 10:50:32 AM PST by Cyclopean Squid (History is a work in progress)

To: Cyclopean Squid

LOL I don't know, but he had to take a lot of ribbing from his ex 49er teammates I would guess.

9 posted on 03/08/2006 1:51:20 PM PST by WestCoastGal (If you believe you can't win, you have lost before the race has begun."-Dale Jr)

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