Skip to comments.Unemployment rate among hot young women holding at zero percent
Posted on 04/01/2006 6:11:49 AM PST by Graybeard58
Washington, D.C. -- Economic analysts were abuzz Monday following the release of February's Labor Department figures, which showed the unemployment rate for hot young women in the U.S. holding steady at zero percent for the 302nd month in a row.
"What these figures say is that if you're looking for work in America right now, you'll have no problem finding it - as long as you're a totally smokin' hot young chick, that is," senior U.S. economist Cary Leahey said in a television interview Sunday. "From small businesses to major corporations, companies across the board are hiring cute young hotties for positions every bit as quickly as they always have."
Independent economic analyst Eli Patterson said the report indicates that although the national jobless rate for run-of-the-mill, average-looking workers actually rose from 5.7 percent in January to 5.9 percent in February, not a single attractive female under the age of 30 is currently unable to find work.
"Sure, today's job market is kind of a nightmare for those unskilled laborers that are maybe a few pounds overweight or not especially striking or, well, male," said Patterson, speaking from his New York office. "But the Labor Department's February figures say conditions remain optimal for gorgeous, barely legal girls to find someone willing to hire them - especially if they wear their hair down and dress in semi-revealing clothes for their interviews. It's little things like that that can catch a human resource manager's eye and go a long way toward getting them the job."
Patterson claimed that thin, young, ultra-sexy women have a distinct advantage in today's job market: "Employers in general seem more willing to take a chance on total drop-dead knockouts."
In fact, analysis of Labor Department figures shows that the rate of unemployment among the country's young stunners has not risen above the zero percent mark since January of 1978.
"If you look at the statistics, it's clear that sexy babes are historically the most employable members of the nation's labor pool," said Patterson as his secretary - an unbelievably hot [censored] that couldn't be a day over 21 - refilled his coffee mug. "And all indications are that this trend will likely continue for the foreseeable future."
A recent poll conducted by USA Today reported that employers - even when presented with a field of more qualified applicants - predominantly hire the youngest, best-looking female for the job, regardless of that sexy little number's lack of education, work experience, intelligence, personality, literacy or competency.
"Hey, if the skirt can even manage to operate a pencil, we'll find something around here for her to do," said Arthur Ceritteno, who owns a mid-sized furniture retailer in the southern U.S. "I always say we're an equal opportunity employer: we'll hire blonds, brunettes, Latinos, Russian girls, whatever. Hell, if the broad - excuse me, applicant - has the assets we need around here, I'll fire somebody to make room for her if I have to. Then everybody's happy."
President Bush, refuting claims that the country's modest economic recovery is failing to translate into new jobs, cited the February report as confirmation that the nation's unemployment situation is improving.
"I can't understand how anybody can say they can't find a job in this market, given all of the improvement we've seen," Bush said. "I guarantee you that I could send my daughters out right now today into this job market and they'd have absolutely no trouble landing a job. Well, Jenna, at least. Barbara still has some developing to do."
Just a few of the attractive young hotties that recently had no trouble finding work in today's otherwise dismal job market.
It's debatable whether those women are hot. The girl in the middle is certainly cute. The bookends? Bah!
Actually, this tongue in cheek article has some truth to it. If you are attractive, you have an edge over perhaps more knowledgable applicants. When I went back into the job market, I knew what the deal was. Now I have to learn Spanish :(
Hell, it goes even further than that. If the babe is smokin hot, she won't even get locked up for committing a crime!
" You can always teach a pretty girl to type more easily than you can teach an ugly typist to be pretty".
While I've never managed to forget them, these were HIS sentiments, not mine, of course
Her shoes don't go with the rest of the outfit.
It's so true. I reentered the job market in my late 30's. I was lucky enough to look ten years younger. Recent health problems get me asked for my senior ID, instead of being carded for beer. I'm thinking of going into business for myself. This saves me the exasperation of dealing with pretty young things that are totally incompetent.
meanwhile here is my accountant after working on my quarterly income statements...
A friend in Fort Lauderdale has a receptionist that makes you almost stutter when you first see her. She is beautiful from her busty top to tiny bottom. Always smiling and so friendly to everyone.
The morale in his 18 employee company is top level and he knows why. He will only let her work in the outer office four days a week, Wednesday thru Saturday, because she is such a distraction.
He always offers to have the driver bring the paperwork out to his clients and the clients always refuse saying they prefer to drop by the office.
Beautiful women certainly can be an assest to any business. Especially if they have good manners and just a sifting of intelligence.
Now I get it. You prefer white trash skank.
Which is why my company, and a lot of more conservative firms, will not hire them at all. The premise of this satirical article is flawed, and in some ways, exactly backwards. The beautiful young woman wants to be a receptionist at a design firm? No problem - she can have any job of that type she wants. She wants to be a financial analyst for an old school, male-dominated investment firm? Her resume hits the trash thirty seconds after the first interview, along with an "Oh, well, she just isn't quite qualified for that position..."
I've seen it happen more than a few times. Physical attractiveness can be a serious detriment for a young woman seeking professional-level white collar work. If the hiring manager fears his male employees are going to get distracted by her, she is out of luck.
This lady is the one who collects all the signatures from the clients making sure that everything is on order to get the contracts off and running.
She handles most of the easy question phone calls which keeps the rest of the staff from being interrupted during their workday and she is a hard worker.
Since I know what her salary is, I know that she is being paid what she's worth. My friend isn't one to go tossing his money around too freely.
My point is, she could have three PhD's and not get hired at a lot of companies. Physical attractiveness = immense personal power = something a lot of companies don't want to tolerate in a young employee.
In addition to black, asian, hispanic, arab, indian, jewish, catholic, hindu, blind, crippled, crazy and yes, even democrat.........
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