Posted on 05/13/2006 6:36:21 AM PDT by dukeman
Tell him exactly how you expect him to behave and that you don't mind going back to prison if he doesn't.
Just as importantly, reinforce expectations for your daughter and tell her to call you if circumstances warrant it.
I would not allow them to drive the car. You drive the car and then at whatever time they are finished go pick them up. If they call at 4 a.m. so be it. It is so much better to be a bit inconvenienced then to have them drive. I am not saying that either one would even drink, but you just never know who will be these days. Just do the driving. Otherwise I am sure that you raised a very nice daughter and she will be able to handle herself.
We have a winner!!
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
You're asking for help for this? Grow some.
I agree with answer #1.
"If you have to give a speach you already lost."
We think alike.
Son, you are about to take my daughter out on a date. She is the love of my life, the apple of my eye. She looks beautiful tonight, and I realize that there may be certain thoughts going through your head - but what you need to realize is this. If you even consider acting on any of those thoughts, I don't have a problem going back to prison.
Nothing wrong with the right rice burner. I had a 1974 Toyota Celica that I tore down and rebuilt myself. Went along with the 1975 Malibu Classic that I tore down and rebuilt, the 68 Cutlass, the 67 Coronet 440, and the most fun one, the 76 Rabbit.
Actually, I'm giving folks a chance to have some fun with this. Mine are just fine. Thanks for asking.
LOL! Wish we still raised cattle, if only for that!
tlb..that is great!!!
I'm dead serious.
Well, I was thinking of todays street racer versions.
I had a '72 Celica that I wish I had again.
My father never had to threaten any boy who dated me. What went wrong, that you feel you have to?
"At the age of fifteen we wrote a set of rules for our daughter for every year through the age of twenty-one."
I want to SEE THOSE RULES!
They sound GREAT!
Advice: Tell them to have a good time. Please don't embarrass your daughter. She'll remember it forever.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.