Posted on 05/13/2006 6:36:21 AM PDT by dukeman
My 17-year old daughter is going to her first prom tonight. The date seems to be a decent enough kid, although he's a little too much into love of his car. I'm looking for suggestions on a good "safety and respect" speech to be delivered to this young man. I've thought of taking out and sharpening my Dad's Korean war souvenir bayonet in front of him (just to focus his attention), but that may be too dramatic.
Suggestions?
Step One: Give the speech while you are cleaning your guns.
Show him a shotgun shell.
Q: "Do you know what this is?"
A: "Yes"
"I have the other part too."
Just put a gun on the table, as a background decoration! Just kidding, Tell him you will break his legs if he does not behave and I would not let him drive her to the prom. Don't they take Limo's?
"I've got a shovel, a shotgun and 17 acres behind the house..."
Get the shotgun and clean it. This was a tactic of an uncle of mine. He had all sons, but when the girls came round he was always cleaning the shotgun. Made quite an impression on the girls.
I have three sons, so I may be the wrong guy to give advice, but I have to neices who are reaching dating age. After discussions I've had with my brother, I would recommend you just kill him when he shows up, bury him in the back yard and, if the car's that great, paint it and put it in the garage.
A teenage boy? He'll never be missed by anyone including his own parents.
We've all had a good laugh. I don't know if the young man has told his parents about the sword or not. We'll find out late this afternoon.
Let the kid know you know where he lives and what is expected of him.
Probably just better to tell him to respect your daughter, and then have a long talk with your daughter about respecting herself. She's in control of herself when she's out there, she should act like it and not let boys push, prod, or coerce her into doing something that she doesn't want to do.
My condolences.... a daughter that age must be giving you all kinds of jitters, but I'm sure you've done a fine job of raising her. :-)
I would just take him aside and tell him you're letting him escort your baby for the evening. Tell him to remember that her mother and you love her and that he'd better treat her like a gentleman would. Treat her with the same respect he would as if you were watching - because he'll never know if you might be.
Toss him a 250 grain .44 caliber jacketed hollow-point bullet and tell him that if he hurts your daughter the next one you send his way will be traveling at 1800 feet per second.
What's a 'cheer leader Mom?'
That won't help matters...LOL!
LOL ... wish they were doing that when I was in high school and taking girls to the prom - would've saved me some money.
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as heck not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded
about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my
electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL kill you.
Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process which can take longer than painting the
Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places lacking parents, policemen, or nuns. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or
happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her chin.
Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay.
l o l
Oh, avoid arguments with her on the day of the prom. Teenagers are self righteous little critters, and they get in the most trouble when they're angry at their parents.
Usually, "Yep, this will show the 'rents."
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