Posted on 12/31/2006 6:57:19 AM PST by Loud Mime
People say that if you play Microsoft CD's backwards, you hear satanic things, but that's nothing, because if you play them forwards, they install Windows.
- Unknown
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
- Unknown
If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0
- T-Shirt
Microsoft: "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips."
- Unknown
1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
- tee shirt
My pokemon bring all the nerds to the yard, and they're like you wanna trade cards? Darn right, I wanna trade cards, I'll trade this but not my charizard.
- Unknown
I'm not anti-social; I'm just not user friendly
- T-Shirt
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
- Unknown
I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code
- Unknown
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
- Unknown
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
- Unknown
clipped from: www.boardofwisdom.com The box said 'Requires Windows 95 or better'. So I installed LINUX.
- Unknown
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base Are belong to you
- someone at slashdot
The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty: it's twice as big as it needs to be.
- Unknown
Ping
- Unknown
I'm going to use that one on my bartender.
A personal favorite of mine:
There's no place like 127.0.0.1
...brandy snifters come to mind (shot glasses with a vaporization chamber?)
Worst geek pickup line
"May I place my thumbdrive in your USB port?"
I looked it up....THAT'S funny!
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/__/::::| \:\ /__/:/ /:/___
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\ \:\ \ \::/~~~~
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/__/\ ___ / /\ / /\ / /\
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__|__|:|\:\ /__/::\ / /:/ ___ / /:/~/:/ / /:/ \:\
/__/::::| \:\ \__\/\:\__ /__/:/ / /\ /__/:/ /:/___ /__/:/ \__\:\
\ \:\~~\__\/ \ \:\/\ \ \:\ / /:/ \ \:\/:::::/ \ \:\ / /:/
\ \:\ \__\::/ \ \:\ /:/ \ \::/~~~~ \ \:\ /:/
\ \:\ /__/:/ \ \:\/:/ \ \:\ \ \:\/:/
\ \:\ \__\/ \ \::/ \ \:\ \ \::/
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___ ___ ___ ___
/__/\ / /\ / /\ ___ / /\
| |::\ / /:/_ / /:/_ / /\ / /:/_
| |:|:\ / /:/ /\ / /:/ /\ / /:/ / /:/ /\
__|__|:|\:\ / /:/ /:/_ / /:/ /:/_ / /:/ / /:/ /::\
/__/::::| \:\ /__/:/ /:/ /\ /__/:/ /:/ /\ / /::\ /__/:/ /:/\:\
\ \:\~~\__\/ \ \:\/:/ /:/ \ \:\/:/ /:/ /__/:/\:\ \ \:\/:/~/:/
\ \:\ \ \::/ /:/ \ \::/ /:/ \__\/ \:\ \ \::/ /:/
\ \:\ \ \:\/:/ \ \:\/:/ \ \:\ \__\/ /:/
\ \:\ \ \::/ \ \::/ \__\/ /__/:/
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___ ___ ___
/__/\ ___ / /\ / /\
| |::\ / /\ / /:/_ / /:/_
| |:|:\ / /:/ / /:/ /\ / /:/ /\
__|__|:|\:\ /__/::\ / /:/ /::\ / /:/ /::\
/__/::::| \:\ \__\/\:\__ /__/:/ /:/\:\ /__/:/ /:/\:\
\ \:\~~\__\/ \ \:\/\ \ \:\/:/~/:/ \ \:\/:/~/:/
\ \:\ \__\::/ \ \::/ /:/ \ \::/ /:/
\ \:\ /__/:/ \__\/ /:/ \__\/ /:/
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___ ___
/__/\ ___ /__/\ ___
| |::\ / /\ \ \:\ / /\
| |:|:\ / /:/ \ \:\ / /:/
__|__|:|\:\ /__/::\ _____\__\:\ /__/::\
/__/::::| \:\ \__\/\:\__ /__/::::::::\ \__\/\:\__
\ \:\~~\__\/ \ \:\/\ \ \:\~~\~~\/ \ \:\/\
\ \:\ \__\::/ \ \:\ ~~~ \__\::/
\ \:\ /__/:/ \ \:\ /__/:/
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Micro was a real-time operator and a dedicated multi-user. His broadband protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it did mean time-sharing. His links with authors and editors connected him with many of Silicon Valley's expert systems and artificial intelligentsia. One evening, just as the sun was crashing, he arrived home and parked his Motorola 68000 in the main drive (he had missed the 5100 bus that morning) and noticed an elegant piece of liveware admiring the daisy wheels in his garden. "She looks user-friendly. I'll see if she'd like an update tonight" he thought to himself.
He browsed over to her casually, admiring the power of her twin, 32 bit floating point processors. Even her parms were parsed! He hadn't seen structured lines like this since his prom.
"How are you, Honeywell?" he asked.
"Yes, I am well," she responded, batting her optical fibers engagingly and smoothing her console over her curvilinear functions.
Mini was her name, and she was delightfully engineered with eyes like COBOL and a Prime mainframe architecture that set Micro's peripherals networking all over. Fears of becoming a UNIX were soon fading like vaporware.
Micro settled for the straight line approximation. "I'm stand-alone tonight, and looking for an assembly," he said. "How about computing a vector to by base address. I'll output a byte to eat, and we could get offset later on."
Mini ran her priority process for 2.6 milliseconds then transmitted: "8K, I've been dumped myself recently and a new page is just what I need to refresh my discs. I'll park my machine cycle in your background and meet you inside." She walked off leaving Micro admiring her solenoids. "Wow! What a global variable! I wonder if she'll like my firmware?" Micro thought.
That night they sat down at the process table for a form feed of fiche and chips and a bucket of Baudot. Mini was in a conversational mode and expanded on ambiguous argument while Micro gave occasional acknowledgments, although in reality he was analyzing the shortest and least critical path to her entry point. He finally settled on the old `Would you like to see my benchmark' subroutine. But Mini was one step ahead. She was suddenly up and stripping off her parity bits to reveal the full functionality of her operating system software!!
"Let's get BASIC you RAM, and go for some downtime on the spread sheets," she panted. Micro was loaded by this stage; he was afraid his software wouldn't respond. Fortunately, his hardware policing module had a processor of it's own and soon was in danger of overflowing it's output buffer - a hang-up that Micro had recently consulted his analyst about.
"Core!" was all he could say.
Micro soon recovered, however, and Mini went down on the DEC and opened her device files to reveal her data set ready. His floppy soon was coming up to speed. He acessed his fully packed root device and was just about to start pushing into her stack when she executed an escape sequence by popping back to level 1.
"Oh no!" she piped. "You're not sheilded!"
"Reset, baby," he replied. "I've been debugged."
"I haven't got my current loop enabled, and I'm not ready to support child processes," she protested. "That would make me mother bored!"
"Don't run away," he said. "I'll generate an interrupt."
"No way! That's too error prone, and I can't abort because of my design philosophy."
Micro was locked in by this stage, though, and could not be turned off. She soon stopped his thrashing by introducing a voltage spike into his main supply, whereupon he fell over with a head crash and went to sleep.
"Computers," she thought as she compiled herself at the asynch. "All they ever think about is hex."
Will would love these! (i do too)
(i love you more)
LMAO!!!!!!
Unbelievable that the winner of the Liar's Competition won with the "there are three kinds of people: those who understand math and those who don't" maxim. It is total plagiarism of the public domain combined with total ignorance by the judges. No doubt about it, our civilization is collapsing from within.
Cool! Medieval smileys! ;)
MAKIN MY M0VES
That is sweet...
Heh...my brother actually got something very similar to this in a card from his fiance for St. Valentine's Day last year. They get married in less than two weeks...guess it worked. ;-)
57006
LOL!!
To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer...
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