Posted on 10/23/2007 6:00:43 PM PDT by cradle of freedom
A U.S. Marine squad was on patrol north of Falujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious. On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state. The Marine was conscious and alert and first aid was given to both men. The squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened. The Marine reported, “I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.
“I yelled to him that Osama Bin Ladin is a miserable, lowlife scumbag, and he yelled back that President Bush is a good-for-nothing, ignorant, right wing, conservative idiot. So I said that Osama dresses and acts like a frigid, mean spirited lesbian!” He retaliated by yelling, “Oh yeah? Well, so does Mrs. Clinton!” “And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.
Chelsea!
Just the one about miniskirts being banned at the White House when she was there. I’m not tellin’ the punchline.
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"She's a whore, Trebek."
Hillary and Bill die in a tragic car crash and wind up in hell. Next to her in the lake of boiling lava is Vince Foster.
Vince looks at Hillary and says,”You know, on Earth I did a lot of bad things. But, most of them were on direct orders from you, and in fact, I know you ordered my execution, so I have to ask. Why am I up to my neck in lava, and you are only up to your ankles?”
Hillary replies,” I am standing on Bill’s shoulders.”
Yeah, One day Marine one arrives and Bill Clinton gets off the Chopper with a Razorback pig under each arm.
The Marine guard greets Bill by saying “Nice pigs Sir”
Bill replies “Thanks.. Ihhh got one for Hillary and one for Chelsey”
The Marine deadpans the reply...”Nice trade”
L0L!
They exchanged hellos and then the White House couple went on their way.
As they were driving on to their final destination, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, "Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you would now be the wife of a service station owner."
She smirked and replied, "No! If I had stayed with him, HE would be the President of the United States TODAY!"
One sunny cold January day in 2001, an old man wearing a VFW hat approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he’d been sitting on a park bench.
He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, “I would like to go in and meet with Hillary Clinton.”
The Marine replied, “Sir, Mrs. Clinton is a Senator, and doesn’t reside here anymore.” The old man said, “Okay,” and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet with Hillary Clinton.”
The Marine again told the veteran, respectfully, “Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Clinton is a Senator, and doesn’t reside here anymore.” The man thanked him and again walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same Marine, saying “I would like to go in and meet with Hillary Clinton.”
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mrs. Clinton. I’ve told you already that Mrs. Clinton is a Senator, and doesn’t reside here anymore. Don’t you understand?”
The old vet answered, “Oh, I understand perfectly. It just makes me so happy to hear it.”
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “Sir, see you tomorrow, Sir!”
BwaahhhaaaHaaa!
Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of New York. When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible. You know, the one with only seven commandments.
Jesse Jackson, Hilary Clinton, a Boyscout and a Priest are on a plane crossing the Atlantic. The plane starts to go down and the pilots bail out leaving only three parachutes.
Jesse Jackson says “I am the most infuential, powerful black man in America and must survive.” He takes a chute and jumps out.
Hilary Clinton says “I am the smartest woman in America and must survive.” She jumps out.
The Priest says “Son, you take the last parachute. I will but my faith in the Lord.”
The Boyscout says “relax Father, the “Smartest Woman in America” just jumped out with my knapsack.”
When Bill and Hillary first got married, Bill said, “I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.” In all their 25 years of marriage, Hillary never looked.
However, on the afternoon of their 25th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were three empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was curious as to why.
That evening they were out for a special dinner. After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, “I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the cans in the box?”
Bill thought for a while and said, “I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again.”
Hillary was shocked, but said, “Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula, and Monica. I am very disappointed and saddened but temptation does happen and I guess that three times is not that bad considering the years.” So they hugged and made their peace.
Then Hillary asked Bill, “So why do you have all that money in the box?” Bill answered sheepishly, “Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash.”
Kenneth answered, "I have three questions: "First.....whatever happened to your medical health care plan? Second.....why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? And third.....whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"
Just then the bell rang for recess. Senator Clinton informed the kiddies that they would continue after recess. When they resumed, she asked, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right.....question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy raised his hand; Hillary pointed him out and asked him his name. "Larry," he replied. "And what is your question?" continued the Senator.
"I have five questions," he answered, "First.....whatever happened to your medical health care plan? Second.....why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? Third.....whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House? Fourth.....why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early? And fifth.....what happened to Kenneth?"
L0L!
;0)
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