Here are the ones I want:
Mark
Posted on 04/10/2008 6:04:18 AM PDT by the_devils_advocate_666
The professor told his class one day: 'Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.
As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me.
The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on, back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.'
The following was actually turned in by two of his English students, Rebecca and Gary.
THE STORY:
(*first paragraph by Rebecca*)
At first, Jennifer couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
(*second paragraph by Gary*)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Jennifer with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. 'A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,' he said into his transgalactic communicator. 'Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far...' But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
(*Rebecca*)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the o ne wom an who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. 'Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,' Jennifer read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. 'Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?' she pondered wistfully.
(*Gary*)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anudrian mother ship launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who p ushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty, the Anudrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Jennifer.
(*Rebecca*)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of liter ature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic,semi-literate adolescent.
(*Gary*)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. 'Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F***ING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air-headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!'
(*Rebecca*)
A**hole!
(*Gary*)
B**ch!
(*Rebecca*)
F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!
(*Gary*)
In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.
(TEACHER)
A+. I really liked this one.
Wasn’t Al Gore drinking a lot of tea and thus missed out on some important decision making. 8-)
This is incredible! Why hasn’t anyone ever posted this before?!?
Ping. A must read.
I did a little searching but didn’t come up with any relevant freeper posts. I was thinking of saving it for Friday silliness but I couldn’t wait...
My compliments, & thanks.
Unggghh, I must be a closet liberal, I was actually sipping tea while I read this.
But, being a guy, I enjoyed Gary’s part of the story better. it was far more realistic.
But was it chamomile?
No, I’m at work so I couldn’t light candles, put on a soft robe and bunny slippers and curl up on the couch with a steaming cup of chamimielle or however you spell the name of that stuff.
I was sucking down some lukewarm green tea.
Here are the ones I want:
Mark
They have.
Ping
bttt
Do you even know what kinds of tea we have stored in the pantry? ;)
???
How could this work?
Heh. An oldie but definately a goody. Ping to self to show to the Missus...
ping
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