Posted on 06/26/2009 10:20:55 AM PDT by JoeProBono
There are a lot of ways to dispose of humans when they die. There's the whole mummy thing, which is relatively mundane compared to some of the weird ways on our Top 10 list (including burials in trees, on ships and the latest fad: plastination and display). Meanwhile, green deaths are on the rise. But this may be the most humiliating: Face down burial.
Apparently the custom has been used in many societies in history to disrespect or humiliate the dead, a new study finds. It's been used on criminals, war prisoners and simply those lacking social status, researchers concluded.
(Excerpt) Read more at livescience.com ...
I dunno. Why don’t you ask him?
Let’s have a post about clean, decent human beings:
Undertaker Morning.
Man Good Morning.
Undertaker What can I do for you, squire?
Man Um, well, I wonder if you can help me. You see, my mother has just died.
Undertaker Ah well, we can help you. We deal with stiffs.
Man What?
Undertaker Well, there’s three things we can do with your mum. We can bury her, burn her, or dump her.
Man Dump her?
Undertaker Dump her in the Thames.
Man What?
Undertaker Oh, did you like her?
Man Yes!
Undertaker Oh well, we won’t dump her, then. Well, what do you think? We can bury her or burn her.
Man Well, which do you recommend?
Undertaker Well, they’re both nasty. If we burn her, she gets stuffed in the flames, crackle, crackle, crackle, which is a bit of a shock if she’s not quite dead, but quick. (the audience starts booing) and then we give you handful of ashes, which you can pretend are hers.
Man Oh.
Undertaker Or, if we bury her she gets eaten up lots of weevils, and nasty maggots, (the booing increases) which as I said before is a bit of a shock if she’s not quite dead.
Man I see. Well, she’s definitely dead.
Undertaker Where is she?
Man She’s in this sack.
Undertaker Can I have a look? She looks quite young.
Man Yes, yes, she was.
Increasing protests from audience
Undertaker (calling) Fred!
Fred’s voice Yeah?
Undertaker I think we’ve got an eater.
Man What?
Another undertaker pokes his head round the door
Fred Right, I’ll get the oven on. (goes off)
Man Er, excuse me, um, are you suggesting eating my mother?
Undertaker Er ... Yeah. Not raw. Cooked.
Man What?
Undertaker Yes, roasted with a few french fries, broccoli, horseradish sauce ...
Man Well, I do feel a bit peckish.
Voice From Audience Disgraceful! Boo! (etc.)
Undertaker Great!
Man Can we have some parsnips?
Undertaker (calling) Fred - get some parsnips.
Man I really don’t think I should.
Undertaker Look, tell you what, we’ll eat her, if you feel a bit guilty about it after, we can dig a grave and you can throw up in it.
A section of the audience rises up in revolt and invades the set, remonstrating with the performers and banging the counter, etc., breaking up the sketch. Zoom away from them and into caption machine; roll credits. The National Anthem starts. The shouting stops. Mix through credits to show audience and everyone on set standing to attention. As the credits end, fade out.
Isn’t that more ‘pickling’?
Seriously, what is a green death? They put you in a wood chopper and compost you? Your coffin disolves after a week underground? What?
There is only ONE Green Death;
HAFFENREFFER PRIVATE STOCK
aka Private Stock, Head-wrecker, Head reckaz, P-stock, Heff’s, Heffy’s, Haffy, Haffen-wrecker, Green Death, Ghetto Torpedo, Green Grenades, Green Lightning, Liquid Crack, Booty Juice, Death in a Bottle, Hava-a - Reefer, Jolly Green Giants, Da Green Monsta, Blitz Monkies...
The malt liquor with the imported taste
http://www.falstaffbrewing.com/haffenreffer.htm
Monty Python was great comedy.
Gotta get my glasses checked. I first read that as researchers included.
Probably just seeing what I wanted to...
It would save her a lot of money.
Oh, fudge. I’ll Google it then.
I always wanted to start “Plug ‘em, N Plant ‘em Burial Service.” For a low, low fee, we would drill a hole with a surplus electric company auger truck, then carefully dump your “loved one” in the hole head first, then fill up the hole.
It’s good for the environment, and saves money when mean old uncle Arthur passes on without a cent to his name.
We were visiting a well-known rose garden and noticed a strange grey substance all over the roses in once section. Thought it might be some nasty fungal about to wreck havoc on the roses. So we tracked down the head gardner to show her the issue. She became very concerned and was on her cell phone having an animated discussion with the local agricultural agent, when a timid little lady tapped her on the arm and said, “Excuse me. I couldn’t help but overhear your call. Its just mother. She wanted her ashes spread here. Its just her ashes, you see.”
A friend of mine told his wife he wanted to be cremated and his ashes mixed with douche powder. That way he can get cycled through one more time.
Drink a six of those and you will WISH you were dead...
http://www.onpointradio.org/2005/08/green-death
“A new organic movement is taking hold of the country’s death industry, as baby boomers push to reinvent what will define them in death. The so-called “green burials” or “eco-burials” combine simplicity with environmental conservation.
Instead of being buried in cemeteries with manicured lawns and granite headstones, a growing number of Americans would rather be buried in biodegradable “seed pod” caskets or shrouds and in cemeteries that look like nature preserves with rolling hills and wild woods. These environmentally-correct final resting places attest in a way to these Americans’ desire to conserve in death as in life.”
Good Lord, I wasn’t wrong about the dissolving caskets.
“Good Lord, I wasn’t wrong about the dissolving caskets.”
You know what they say, liberals are stranger than fiction...
I want to be cremated anyway. But that would be cool! Unfortunately, I wouldn’t be there to see it. Damn.
Why (and how) would they care?!
I am going to be buried in a National Veteran’s Cemetery. In VA cemeteries, they vertically stack husband and wife, with whoever passes on first on the bottom. I’ve already told our funeral director to turn me over prior to closing the lid so I can face my late wife through eternity.
This does answer for once and for all the eternal question “Who’s on top?”.
One of the coolest engraving I have seen is this one.
Reader behold, as you pass bye.
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, you soon shall be.
Prepare for death and follow me.
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