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Career-obsessed Lucy believed children could wait
Daily Mail ^ | 7/13/09 | Lucy Edge

Posted on 07/14/2009 10:48:56 AM PDT by Woebama

Every now and then I feel a pang of loss and longing that takes me completely by surprise. I might be sitting in a cafe talking to friends, or wandering around the supermarket.

Then I see a mother with her child and the realisation hits me, as if for the first time - that's never going to be me. If someone had told my 25-year-old self that I would end up here - aged 45, newly married and, sadly for us both, without a hope of ever getting pregnant - I wouldn't have believed them. It would have seemed incredible that love would take so long to find me; that becoming a mother would ever matter so much; or that my fertility - a gift that, at the time, seemed more like an inconvenience - would plummet far beyond the point at which doctors could work their magic. Yet, it is a fact my husband David and I have spent the past year learning to accept. I know it sounds naive but, when we met four years ago, it never crossed our minds that having a baby would be an impossibility.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1199491/Seduced-stories-stars-giving-birth-later-IVF-myths-career-obsessed-Lucy-believed-children-love-wait.html#ixzz0LFzliqOh&C

(Excerpt) Read more at dailymail.co.uk ...


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Tell your daughters! Ladies, don't wait. This is happening more and more often.
1 posted on 07/14/2009 10:48:56 AM PDT by Woebama
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To: Woebama

She could adopt a baby.


2 posted on 07/14/2009 10:51:29 AM PDT by vbmoneyspender
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To: Woebama

I agree. I got a nursing, master’s and law degree before children. Everyone kept telling me I had “plenty of time.”

Those were just pretty lies. Time does run out.

Thankfully, I was still able to adopt.

Now, I tell my own kids not to wait too long.


3 posted on 07/14/2009 10:53:51 AM PDT by keats5 (Not all of us are hypnotized.)
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To: Woebama
my fertility - a gift that, at the time, seemed more like an inconvenience

Start respecting life and you won't have that problem.

4 posted on 07/14/2009 10:55:07 AM PDT by GVnana (Sarah for America)
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To: vbmoneyspender

Maybe she should adopt. The main point, that I wanted to put out here, is that there is a mythology among women that they can have children late but that is far less likely than they are led to believe. I’ve just seen it happen too many times in my life, among my female friends, that they end up without a child that they wanted.


5 posted on 07/14/2009 10:56:01 AM PDT by Woebama
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To: vbmoneyspender
She could adopt a baby.

Well, she could if she wasn't so self absorbed that she can only love a child with her DNA.

6 posted on 07/14/2009 10:56:41 AM PDT by Valpal1 (Always be prepared to make that difference.)
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To: keats5

Thanks for sharing keats5. We want more kids but my wife has some medical issues, so our 1 may be all we have. We hope not. We are considering foster parenting.


7 posted on 07/14/2009 10:59:43 AM PDT by Woebama
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To: vbmoneyspender
She could adopt a baby.

Ditto x100.

8 posted on 07/14/2009 10:59:47 AM PDT by mnehring
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To: Woebama

Maybe she shouldn’t have kids at all.


9 posted on 07/14/2009 11:00:06 AM PDT by caver (Obama's first goals: allow more killing of innocents and allow the killers of innocents to go free.)
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To: Woebama

Resigned: Lucy with David on their wedding day
10 posted on 07/14/2009 11:01:05 AM PDT by TSgt (Extreme vitriol and rancorous replies served daily. - Mike W USAF)
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To: Woebama

We adopted three- best decision of our lives.


11 posted on 07/14/2009 11:01:47 AM PDT by keats5 (Not all of us are hypnotized.)
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To: Woebama
Evolution has a way of weeding out the unfit.

Those who disdain child rearing are in that category...

Societies which honor, protect and nurture their children and provide stable structures for families survive.

Those that don't....don't.

12 posted on 07/14/2009 11:02:07 AM PDT by Regulator (Welcome to Zimbabwe! Now hand over your property)
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To: Woebama

It’s all about me.


13 posted on 07/14/2009 11:03:36 AM PDT by AppyPappy (If you aren't part of the solution, there is good money to be made prolonging the problem.)
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To: Regulator

And we are part of our society

and this is posted to be read by members of our society

: P


14 posted on 07/14/2009 11:03:45 AM PDT by Woebama
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To: Valpal1
Well, she could if she wasn't so self absorbed that she can only love a child with her DNA.

Well, she and her hubby are special, enlightened people... can't have an untermenschen "accessory" baby you know...

15 posted on 07/14/2009 11:04:26 AM PDT by Tijeras_Slim
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To: MikeWUSAF

Looks like she got married in a Godfather movie.


16 posted on 07/14/2009 11:04:53 AM PDT by waverna
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To: Woebama

This could definitely set to music. Reads like lyrics.


17 posted on 07/14/2009 11:05:43 AM PDT by central_va ( http://www.15thvirginia.org/)
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To: vbmoneyspender

I think adopting is a wonderful idea. I would like to say that I found being
pregnant and having that baby to be the most joyous time of
my life. I absolutely adored it and I am sorry for women who do not
get to experience that feeling. I’m sure there are women who will tell you they
did not feel that way. However, my friends who have adopted
have been thrilled by their experience.


18 posted on 07/14/2009 11:07:32 AM PDT by gussiefinknottle (woof!woof!woof!)
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To: keats5

My wife and I wanted to finish our degrees and have some fun after college. I was in the military for 10 years which greatly extended the time it took to get my bachelors and my wife was in a doctorates program for pharmacists. We completed college in 2006. She will be 32 in August and I’ll be 33 in November. We realize that we are not getting any younger and have decided to start trying to conceive in September. We only want two and then we are done.


19 posted on 07/14/2009 11:07:55 AM PDT by TSgt (Extreme vitriol and rancorous replies served daily. - Mike W USAF)
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To: central_va

You are right. Wait and mate rhyme!


20 posted on 07/14/2009 11:08:00 AM PDT by Woebama
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To: Woebama

bttt


21 posted on 07/14/2009 11:08:46 AM PDT by Guenevere
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To: MikeWUSAF

Good luck!


22 posted on 07/14/2009 11:09:20 AM PDT by keats5 (Not all of us are hypnotized.)
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To: Woebama

Wife and I almost missed the boat. in 2005, After 15yrs of marriage (she was 39 and I was 43) she finally got pregnant. All it took was $40K for In-Vitro and we have a perfect little girl. But after age 40, the chances of having another one drop by about 80% or so. We got lucky.

I’ll tell my little girl not to wait to long also.


23 posted on 07/14/2009 11:10:05 AM PDT by JimBianchi11 (The 2A is the cornerstone of our free society. Those that don't support it, oppose it.)
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To: Valpal1

Most people like the idea of having their own kid, not just adopting another.

My wife wants to adopt though, at least at some point.


24 posted on 07/14/2009 11:12:59 AM PDT by rwfromkansas ("Carve your name on hearts, not marble." - C.H. Spurgeon)
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To: keats5

Thanks!

We joke that we’ve been waiting 10 years to consumate the marriage.

I joke with my wife that I want the two children 9 months apart.

For some reason she doesn’t find that so funny...

;)


25 posted on 07/14/2009 11:16:24 AM PDT by TSgt (Extreme vitriol and rancorous replies served daily. - Mike W USAF)
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To: Woebama
and this is posted to be read by members of our society

I understand....and was merely reinforcing the unspoken lesson....

26 posted on 07/14/2009 11:18:15 AM PDT by Regulator (Welcome to Zimbabwe! Now hand over your property)
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To: Woebama
I could tell from the look on David's face that using a donor egg wasn't an option. He said that, having waited so long to find me, he wanted our child to have my genes.

So, hubby isn't really interested in nurturing a child, watching him/her grow day by day, and being there for all the heartaches and joys that life brings. No, he insists that he loves this woman so much that he can only love a child that has her genetic map. He sounds about as selfish as a human being can be.

Were my husband to take such a position, not only would I not consider adoption, I'd be thinking about what an ass I was to marry him in the first place.

27 posted on 07/14/2009 11:24:59 AM PDT by justkate
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To: Woebama

The women’s movement has sold women a bill of goods.

All of life revolves around the family — or it should. But the idea of “providing” for a family has morphed into the idea of “career,” wherein the means to an end has become the end in itself. People have lost focus as to what really matters.

The idea of motherhood has been denigrated. Women have been taught to disdain the very activities which we are biologically — and yes, spiritually — wired to do. The activities which ultimately bring us the most joy.

The notion of sexual morality — designed to protect children from being born into situations without a mother to nurture and a father to provide — has been undermined. In the name of “equality,” young women are now being conditioned to behave like the fantasies of the most selfish, irresponsible men. They make themselves available without any commitment or even love. If they conceive, they kill the child, or go off to raise it on their own, patting themselves on the back for their independence.

I went to law school after putting my sixth child in kindergarten. I now have 19 grandchildren. My job has been rewarding in every way that a job can be rewarding. But it can’t begin to give my life meaning the way my children and grandchildren do.

I’m sorry that this poor woman bought into the lie.


28 posted on 07/14/2009 11:25:38 AM PDT by lady lawyer
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To: Regulator

I understand....and was merely reinforcing the unspoken lesson....
____________________________________________

Gotcha. Our society teaches the opposite lesson in my opinion. It says: “wait, don’t get pregnant too early, it will mess up your all important education and career.” Which is all wrong because a lot of times in life you don’t get the second, third, fourth, fifth, chances that this lady Lucy assumed would always come her way.


29 posted on 07/14/2009 11:26:51 AM PDT by Woebama
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To: lady lawyer

Good post.

“The idea of motherhood has been denigrated. Women have been taught to disdain the very activities which we are biologically — and yes, spiritually — wired to do. The activities which ultimately bring us the most joy.”

Law school after 6 kids eh? Wow.


30 posted on 07/14/2009 11:28:56 AM PDT by Woebama
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To: Woebama

Yeah. I did it for financial security, and to have the money to help educate my kids and provide some of “extras” that make life fun and create family memories. I never expected it to turn out as well or as lucratively as it has.

But, it was a tradeoff. I didn’t get to spend the time with the younger ones that I did with the older ones, and I missed that.


31 posted on 07/14/2009 11:34:18 AM PDT by lady lawyer
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To: JimBianchi11

My story is similar. I waited until 27 to try to start a family, hardly elderly. After ten years of treatments, surgery, taking my temperature every morning, taking fertility drugs, two failed in-vitro attempts, and two miscarriages I was over the moon happy to give birth to my daughter at age 37. The ten year marathon effort wore me out emotionally and we decided to accept whatever came our way naturally after her birth. I never conceived again but God gave me an absolutely perfect daughter. It’s a biological fact that fertility decreases with each passing year after puberty. Combine that with a faulty reproductive system and a woman can find herself out of luck.


32 posted on 07/14/2009 11:37:03 AM PDT by McLynnan (My)
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To: JimBianchi11

$40K. That’s gonna make my day a little different.


33 posted on 07/14/2009 11:48:54 AM PDT by numberonepal (Don't Even Think About Treading On Me)
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To: Valpal1

They thought about using donor eggs (read the story!!).
Her husband wanted their baby to have her DNA, you really took such a negative view of the story. Maybe you should read the whole story or even imagine being in her shoes before passing judgement


34 posted on 07/14/2009 11:49:00 AM PDT by republicangel
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To: Woebama
"I had spent the whole of my adult life as a London career girl, married to my advertising agency job."

God gave you a small window of fertility for a reason, the lure of wealth and good times as being the Utopian modern goal is one of the true great lies of the modern World.

I adore and thank God every time I go Hardcore Mountain Biking, Hiking, ride Motocross, Camping or Swimming with my two boys (one near a teenager), and can crash my Mountain Bike and get up and laugh about it, or genuinely appreciate their BMX stunt achievements, or enjoy finding a lake or river to do a bit of wild swimming in, because as a mid 30's Mum, those are the moments I wouldn't swap a trillion years of the highest epitome of a high powered career for, not even for a nanosecond.

I feel sorry for people who traded the core components of 'Life & Procreation' for the lure of 'Wealth & Power', but as the saying goes:

you made your bed, now you must lay in it.
35 posted on 07/14/2009 11:50:36 AM PDT by bethybabes69 (Between you, and whatever you call God, there is no authority, only an illusion of it.)
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To: GVnana

That came across as very harsh. Many woman who do wait do respect life. Some respect it so much that they are willing to wait and bring a child into this world when they really are able to care for them mentally, financially, emtionally, and so forth.

It’s very hard for young woman nowadays especially where I’m from. (NYC) You have all this pressure from others and even worse, yourself to be successful and you want that greatly as well as maybe eventually a companion and a child. I feel bad for this lady.

I think about this often. I’m only 25 but I see where she is coming from. My mother got married and had her first child at 20 and me at 42!! (I was a very late baby lol.) My sister got married and had her first kid by 19. I’m the first woman in my family to be 25, not married, no children, and not really dating anyone seriously. It didn’t bother me before but it does a little now, only slightly though.

I use to take pride in this but not so much anymore because honestly................I don’t see myself getting having kids for another 10 years. I’m still young and I LOVE children, more so than most people but there is so much I need to do first. Is it so wrong to want to have certain things settled before you decide to have a child/make sure it can have a life that it deserves?!

Why bring a child into this world at 25 instead of 35 when I/my partner will be more secure in all areas.

My mother use to say to me no big deal you’re young. However earlier this year I told her that I had no intentions of having kids until I was 35 and she sees by my dating habits/personality that it is most likely true. Now she has stopped all her no big deal talk and has begun dropping hints of wanting a GRANDBABY?!?!??!! (She has 2 by my sister who is 46 but wants one from me eventually) Having a best friend who is 26, married and has 4 kids doesn’t help then situation. My mom once criticized her for her decision, but now praises her!!!!! WTH!!!?!?!

She had me a 42 in 1983 and the doctors gave her hell for it. She says having kids younger is better yet she wants me to be as successful as I can be. I’m not the only 25 year old going through this struggle. I know many girls that are.

It’s rough.


36 posted on 07/14/2009 11:53:47 AM PDT by jenthejedi
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To: McLynnan

You started at 27 and went through that for ten years?!?! I’m happy that you have a daughter but that scares me. I’m 25 and not even thinking of a child now but I would like to have one eventually. Wow, 27 that’s scary.

Is it a sin to want to wait until you are married and doing well enough financially, mentally, emotionally, and so forth before having a baby? Isn’t that the right way to do it? It seems that that’s the only way to be fair to the child. Just asking.............


37 posted on 07/14/2009 11:53:51 AM PDT by jenthejedi
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To: AppyPappy

That is what the story was about- she had spent her life thinking me, me, me. Now she regrets her decisions that she made early on such as putting her career first. She is just trying to give some advice to the younger ones coming along. Don’t take things for granted.


38 posted on 07/14/2009 11:54:11 AM PDT by republicangel
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To: lady lawyer

You rock!

Exactly what i would like to do. My 6th is 18mo. When he gets into school I will be going back myself, probably not for law, just a teaching degree, but I figure we can graduate at the same time!


39 posted on 07/14/2009 11:57:27 AM PDT by TriGirl (Lurking for 7 years!!!!!)
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To: MikeWUSAF

It’s a lot of fun trying, Mike!


40 posted on 07/14/2009 12:02:08 PM PDT by Osage Orange (There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators. - Will Rogers)
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To: republicangel

I did read the story. It’s about two selfish people who just figured out they’ve been had.

Doesn’t change the fact that having a baby is about them, their needs, their wants, their DNA.

If it was really about family values and forming a family in order to pass on their values and culture, they’d adopt a baby from anywhere or even go with donor eggs.

But it’s still really all about them and it’s all the fault of the deceptive media and celebrities who haven’t been upfront about the use of donor eggs.

But it was nice of them to warn others tripping down the same primrose path of deluded self absorption.


41 posted on 07/14/2009 12:03:12 PM PDT by Valpal1 (Always be prepared to make that difference.)
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To: TriGirl

Good for you. When you go back to school with some life experience, you have such an advantage. It almost feels like you’re taking unfair advantage of the young kids in the class.


42 posted on 07/14/2009 12:03:29 PM PDT by lady lawyer
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To: lady lawyer

Nice post...........


43 posted on 07/14/2009 12:04:18 PM PDT by Osage Orange (There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators. - Will Rogers)
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To: Woebama

Lyrical version: (Country - female lead singer)
Chorus:
Every now and then I feel a pang of loss
The longing that overwhelms me comes at a terrible cost.
I might be sitting in a cafe talking to friends,
or wandering around the supermarket - it feels just like the bends.

Melody:
Then I see a mother with her child and the realization hits me,
as if for the first time - that’s never going to be me.
If someone had told my 25-year-old self that I would end up vacant–
aged 45, newly married and, sadly for both of us, without a hope of ever getting pregnant
I wouldn’t have believed them. It would have seemed so incredible
That love would take so long to find me; becoming so indelible
that becoming a mother would ever matter so much; or that my fertility –
a gift that, at the time, seemed more like an inconvenient frivolity
would plummet far beyond the point at which doctors could work their magic.
Yet, it is a fact my husband David and I have spent the past year learning to accept as automatic
I know it sounds naive but, when we met four years ago,
it never crossed our minds that having a baby we would forgo.

Chorus:
Every now and then I feel a pang of loss
The longing that overwhelms me comes at a terrible cost.
I might be sitting in a cafe talking to friends,
or wandering around the supermarket - feels just like the bends.


44 posted on 07/14/2009 12:06:29 PM PDT by central_va ( http://www.15thvirginia.org/)
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To: republicangel

Her career gave her meaning.

I have found that single career women are attracted to homosexual men who will fawn and preen over them. They will demand that hetero men do the same and end up going from fantasy relationship to fantasy relationship. They will pretend the straight guys will be like the gay guys and then break up with them when they discover they are not. Or end up with an unemployed artist who is smart enough to know that SHE is his job but that will eventually fall flat as well. Too late, she will discover Mr Right who turns out to be a divorced Jewish guy who will act caring in exchange for her willingness to ignore his mistresses or misters.

But she is past baby time and all her new friends are watching their kids grow.


45 posted on 07/14/2009 12:06:36 PM PDT by AppyPappy (If you aren't part of the solution, there is good money to be made prolonging the problem.)
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To: lady lawyer
Did that myself.......Avg age in my class was 34...oldest was 64...youngest was 18.

I was just under the mean....and I did feel like I had a great advantage.....over those younger than I.

46 posted on 07/14/2009 12:09:29 PM PDT by Osage Orange (There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators. - Will Rogers)
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To: Woebama
Its strange, but I now- having been fighting a long battle with endometriosis, infertility AND being single- firmly believe in starting a family in the mid 20s.

Infertility, IMHO, is the silent epidemic no one is talking about. At least half of the women I know have dealt with or are currently dealing with infertility issues. More and more men are also dealing with low sperm numbers. I swear its 'Children of Men' coming true...

47 posted on 07/14/2009 12:10:17 PM PDT by rintense (Senior Marketing / IT / UX architect unemployed and looking for work. Freepmail me if you have leads)
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To: Osage Orange

Absolutely. I’ve met so many people who are afraid to go back to school because they think they’ve “lost it.” The maturity they bring to the classroom more than makes up for the fact that they haven’t been studying for a while. It’s easy to catch up.


48 posted on 07/14/2009 12:11:48 PM PDT by lady lawyer
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To: MikeWUSAF

You might have twins:)They are going around.My daughter has five children-oldest is 10.She is going back for her Masters in Sept.


49 posted on 07/14/2009 12:12:36 PM PDT by fatima (Free hugs today :).)
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To: Valpal1
Well, she could if she wasn't so self absorbed that she can only love a child with her DNA.

My wife and I have a 10 year old grand daughter living with us and she doesn't have any of our DNA. We are the legal guardians of her and her 9 year old brother who does have our DNA. We are the only grand parents she has really had.

A judge made it official about a year ago that a grand parental relationship was firmly established and that she is indeed our grand daughter.

50 posted on 07/14/2009 12:17:07 PM PDT by Graybeard58 ( Selah.)
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