Thanks for the ping, Nikas777.
Posted on 10/02/2009 7:40:59 AM PDT by Nikas777
Flicks: If only the zombies would eat Michael Moore
By John Meo
GateHouse News Service
Posted Sep 30, 2009 @ 02:31 PM
Just go see “The Invention of Lying,” OK? Please? For Ricky. For Jennifer. For me.
Moving on. ... I have an idea for a movie.
In this movie, a wacky assortment of characters — a redneck, a nerd, an obviously hot chick, an obviously hot chick who wears glasses and is not, indeed, supposed to be hot, a jock, a fat guy and Judd Nelson — are thrown together as they fight for survival in the wake of the Moorepocalypse.
The Moorepocalypse, for the uninitiated, is the inevitable downfall of society as untold millions are infected by a virus and mutate into self-righteous documentarians who want only to expose the corruption and inherent unfairness in “the system.”
Garlic will keep the Mooreans away, but so will any vegetable. Soap works, too. Hilarity ensues.
But alas, fair reader, this movie will never be made. And so, we must endure what is made: “Zombieland” and “Capitalism: A Love Story” also open Friday.
“Zombieland” stars Woody Harrelson, Michael Cera clone Jesse Eisenberg, “Little Miss Sunshine” Abigail Breslin and Bill Murray — no Judd Nelson — in a world overrun by zombies, which is completely original and has, in no way, ever been done. Never.
It’s always fascinating to research the screenwriters for movies such as these. In this case, it’s Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, who have collaborated on projects such as “Invasion Iowa,” “Stuck on Dirty” and the well-known “El show de Cándido.” Yup. But hey, their names are credited in a full feature. My name is here. You decide.
And yet, this movie has received positive reviews from Gannett News Service chief film critic Bill Goodykoontz, who loves everything, and Associated Press movie critic Christie Lemire, who hates everything.
My one wish, for I know zombie movies will not fade, is writers could at least acknowledge the rules. Zombies shamble. They move in hordes, slow, festering hordes. And the living run, and fall, twist ankles and knees and get eaten. Or look back at one mob and run straight into the drippy rotted clutches of another. That’s the way it works. These sprinter zombies? No. Just. No.
Maybe it’ll do well, maybe it’ll be funny, but this screams rental. Maybe FX.
As for “Capitalism,” whatever Michael Moore has to say that may be poignant will be lost in his self-adulation and self-promotion. At this point, he’s preaching to his choir.
Norwich Bulletin
Ping
I love movies that have braindead, shambling creatures with no independent thoughts in them, and I also love zombies.
Sweet! Another zombie thread!
“Sprinter” zombies have revolutionized the genre.
Really, is anybody at risk when a zombie can only “shamble” toward you? I’d have time to stop at the Pepsi machine (Coke is for the undead. yech!).
And anybody who decides that they can twist their ankle while WALKING away from those things deserves their fate.
"A" zombie?
Not much risk.
Ten thousand zombies?
Dude ... you better be well armed (think "crew served") ... and not alone.
Zombies aren’t attracted to people without brains.
Even fat ones.
Look at the picture right above your post.
You could walk through that crowd without a scratch.
But, I am well-armed.
Seriously well-armed.
Isn’t everyone?
Like me...it sounds like you are a Romero purist. Running zombies are just not right. The power of the zombie is not how fast they can kill you, it's their numbers.
That is what was so terrifying about NOTLD...there are more of them than us and they just keep coming.
This was illustrated quite well in Tom Savini's remake of NOTLD. The character Barbara tries to convince the other characters that they can escape the house by just running past the slow moving zombies but they need to do it before they become overwhelmed. Of course she is right, but the other characters are convinced that the house is the safest place and ultimately they become completely overwhelmed as the zombies eventually storm the house.
Fast moving zombies are, IMO, indicative of our "spoon-fed", instant satisfaction, video game addicted generation of young people.
Screw that...give me Romero's vision any day...
You’re lucky. Whenever I’m attacked by Zombies it’s always in one of those secret research facilities underneath Raccoon City where there’s nowhere to run.
Slow Zombies are deadly if they’re coming from all directions. Or - as happened to a friend of mine - you walk backwards into an elevator full of them. True story.
I think it is an acceptable tweak in the mythos to have fresh zombies able to run but as they degrade as the muscle tissue breaks down. In the original "Night of the Living Dead' you did see some fast zombies and zombies that used rocks or branches as weapons.
They might actually become FULL!!!
Easy read, didn't bog you down with a lot of plot, or details.
Had a few interesting takes on zombies (they freeze in the winter, I never would have thought of that....).
The sociological and political ramifications were discussed in depth, too.
I enjoyed it. It was more than just slash-and-splatter.
Can you kill a zombie with food poisining ?
Tom Savini's remake of NOTLD was cool - Barbara was able to get away because the house attracted the zombie horde's attention and she ducked them. Eventually they will horde up and one zombie follows the direction of another one until they are distracted. You can walk away from them but eventually they will catch up to you as you fall asleep or stop to rest unless you lose them.
There may be a bit of cognitive dissonance in this, but I loathe to think of tool-using zombies. That’s why “Big Daddy” in “Land of the Dead” turned me off. He not only knew how to fire the Steyr AUG (serendipitously), but he showed another zombie how to use a firearm.
At some point, a tool-using zombie would be thinking, “Maybe I’ll just have a salad.”
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