Posted on 12/31/2010 7:48:04 AM PST by Lucky9teen
Other than an improved situation regarding the House, I’m extremely glad to be rid of 2010....Onward and Upward!
ping....
New Words for the New Year:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
Ha! The Anti-Christ arises!
Prepping for one of Palm Sproings’ monthly “Pride Parades”?
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2010 WHEN:
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it..
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there was not a #9 on this list.
AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.
Old Words Redefined for the New Year:
1. Coffee, n.: The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj.: Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v.: To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v.: To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj.: Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj.: Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v.: To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n.: Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n.: Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n.: A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n.: A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n.: The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n.: A Rastafarian proctologist.
Funny!
Sorry, that’s all I could find to wear before I fled the burning house.
Top 50!!
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