Posted on 12/31/2010 7:48:04 AM PST by Lucky9teen
10. 2011 is not a leap year, so … NO JUMPING!
9. Auld Lang Syne inevitably gets mispronounced.
8. Jumpin’ Jupiters! The Earth has spun around the Sun one more time. Hooray!
7. New Year’s Eve is like a box of surprises. You never know if you’ll get any chocolates.
6. Be a Rebel: Celebrate the Old Year.
5. The End of the year is Nigh. That means more soon-to-be obsolete techno junk is coming your way.
4. Father Time is old. Just one look at him and you could see he was long in the Years.
3. New Year’s Eve is a time to remember the power of SOUP: Solar Orbits Unite Planets.
2. Mother Nature doesn’t care about your New Year’s Eve party, as long as you don’t trash her house.
… and the #1 2010 – 2011 New Year’s Eve Joke is:
1. This one goes to eleven.
3. "If you touch my junk, I'm gonna have you arrested." passenger John Tyner to TSA worker at San Diego airport, Nov. 13
4. "Don't retreat. Instead _ reload!" Sarah Palin, tweet, March 23
5. "Chi! Chi! Chi! Le! Le! Le! Los mineros de Chile!" Chant at Chilean mine rescue, Oct. 13
6. "I hope that's not where we're going, but you know, if this Congress keeps going the way it is, people are really looking toward those Second Amendment remedies. They're saying: My goodness, what can we do to turn this country around?" Sharron Angle, interview in January
7. "We have to pass the (health care) bill so you can find out what is in it." Nancy Pelosi, speech to National Association of Counties, March 9
8. "I'm going to take my talents to South Beach." LeBron James, television broadcast, July 8
9. "This is a big f——ing deal." — Vice President Joe Biden
10. "The rent is too damn high." — New York gubernatorial wannabe Jimmy McMillan
11. "Excuse me! This is a senators-only elevator!" — Kentucky Sen. Jim Bunning
12. "I'm exhausted of defending you, defending your administration, defending the mantle of change that I voted for and deeply disappointed with where we are right now." — Maryland resident Velma Hart
IBTP?
PONDERISMS
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
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2. Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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3. OK..... So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the ‘Jags’ and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the ‘Bucs,’ what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
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4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it?
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5. There are three religious truths:
a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters.
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6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
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8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren’t they just stale bread to begin with?
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9 Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
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10. Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, dry cleaners depressed and prostitutes delayed.
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12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
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13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
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14. ! What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
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15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... they’re cramming for their final exam.
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16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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18. If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
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19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive!
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21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?
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22. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?
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23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
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24. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells ... ‘THEIRS’?
Top Ten?
WOOOOOOOOOOW!!!! Top 5!!! :P
BRING ON A NEW YEAR OF SILLINESS!!!I’M IN TGIF!
Top ten!
Buh-bye 2010.
TGINL2010 (Thank God It’s No Longer 2010).
Here’s to a more prosperous New Year for all of us, and a less prosperous year for Democrats.
IBTP twice! Woo-hoo. Happy New Year everybody.
That is one freaky photo!
My eyes! You’re a cruel, cruel man, Marty.
Happy New Year to you & Mrs. Marty, anyway!
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