Posted on 03/09/2012 4:35:26 AM PST by Lucky9teen
IBTP?
IBTP!!
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
IN A LAUNDROMAT Automatic Washing Machines: Please Remove All Your Clothes When The Light Goes Out
IN A MEMPHIS DEPARTMENT STORE Bargain Basement Upstairs
IN AN OFFICE Would The Person Who Took The Step Ladder Yesterday Please Bring It Back Or Further Steps Will Be Taken
IN AN OFFICE After Coffee Break Staff Should Empty The Coffee Pot And Stand Upside Down On The Draining Board
OUTSIDE A SECOND-HAND SHOP We Exchange Anything - Bicycles, Washing Machines, Etc. Why Not Bring Your Wife Along And Get A Wonderful Bargain?
NOTICE IN HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW Closed Due To Illness
SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK Elephants Please Stay In Your Car
SEEN DURING A CONFERENCE For Anyone Who Has Children And Doesn’t Know It, There Is A Day Care On The 1st Floor
NOTICE IN A FARMER’S FIELD The Farmer Allows Walkers To Cross The Field For Free, But The Bull Charges.
MESSAGE ON A LEAFLET If You Cannot Read, This Leaflet Will Tell You How To Get Lessons
ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR We Can Repair Anything. (Please Knock Hard On The Door - The Bell Doesn’t Work)
Happy Friday, Lucky9teen!
I’ve never managed to be IBTP before on OFST! ;-P
I wonder if he prefers shaved man legs?
I think I notice
ha....the way the economy is I'm not surprised
ha
FAIL
lol....liberals....
Oh no, I panicked yesterday. I can’t do it 2 days in a row!
O x y m o r o n s
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand On the watch Called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled In the dictionary, How would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, Where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does “slow down” and “slow up” mean the same thing?
7. Why does “fat chance” and “slim chance” Mean the same thing?
8. Why do “tug” boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game” When we are already there?
10. Why are they called “ stands” When they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called “after dark” When it really is “after light”?
12.. Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” Make the unexpected expected?
13.. Why are a “wise man” and A “wise guy” opposites?
14. Why do “overlook” and “oversee” Mean opposite things?
15. Why is “phonics” Not spelled The way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, Why do they have to pay you to do it?
17.. If all the world is a stage, Where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, Why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed And have dyslexia, Can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular And panties plural?
21.. Why do you press harder On the buttons of a remote control When you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags And garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated Is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?
25.. Why doesn’t glue Stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set When you only have one?
27. Christmas - What other time of the year Do you sit in front of a dead tree And eat candy out of your socks?
28. Why do we drive on a parkway And park on a driveway?
I dunno, why do we?
A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a woman behind him said, “Hello!” Her face was beaming. But he didn’t recognize her at all. She read his _expression, assumed she’d made a mistake, and said; “I’m sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children,” and she left the store.
The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, “What the hell is the world coming to? She can’t keep track of who fathers her children!”
Then he got a little panicky. He didn’t remember her, but, MAYBE he’d met her during one of the wild parties he used to go to. He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, “Are you the girl I met at a party and had sex with on the pool table in front of everyone?”
“No”, she said with a horrified look on her face. “I’m your son’s third grade teacher!”
"Lt. Kenda smells a rat...."
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!! ping
Reminds me of when we had the wind storm that knocked out power in Dayton, Ohio area for days. They had a city council person on one of the talk radio stations. She was in full panic mode and said, "If your power is out, please go to our website for updates!"
Q: What do you call a Mexican on a riding lawnmower?
A: Promoted
A man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.
If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.”
Then in a normal tone he asks, ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?”
No response..
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
Again no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away.. “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her... “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
“Ralph, for THE FIFTH time, CHICKEN!”
Of note National Panic day is in Womens Month....
(ducking)
A redneck taped toilet paper to his television.
He said, “Hey, lookie here, now we have free paper view!”
A Georgia state trooper pulls over a pickup on I-75 and says to
the driver, “Got any I.D.?” and the driver replies “Bout wut?”
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