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Father disowns his gay son in heart-rending letter after he comes out
DailyMail ^ | 8-7-12 | Daily Mail reporter

Posted on 08/07/2012 9:29:23 PM PDT by mlizzy

It is probably one of the hardest things a gay man will ever have to do and one has decided to share his heartbreaking experience with the world.

'James', 33, from Pennsylvania, uploaded a letter sent to him by his father five years ago on internet messaging board Reddit, shortly after he worked up the courage to come out to him.

James reveals he called his father to tell him the news in August 2007: 'I finally built up the courage to tell my father I was gay.

(Excerpt) Read more at dailymail.co.uk ...


TOPICS: Health/Medicine; Miscellaneous; Society
KEYWORDS: cfa; chikfila; homosexualagenda; homosexuality; parenthood; parenting
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Dad should like this! /s
1 posted on 08/07/2012 9:29:32 PM PDT by mlizzy
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To: mlizzy

Oh, yeah, Dan Cathy made him do it..


2 posted on 08/07/2012 9:31:01 PM PDT by mlizzy (And if we accept that a mother can kill even her own child, how can we tell others not to kill? --MT)
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To: mlizzy

Maybe he should have just told his father that he was a homosexual and let it go at that. “Gay” conjures up a lot of wacky and spooky images in a person’s mind.


3 posted on 08/07/2012 9:32:33 PM PDT by FlingWingFlyer (The NRA did not create James "The Joker" Holmes. Harvey Weinstein's Hollywood did.)
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To: mlizzy

Yes, I can certainly understand why the Dad would be heartbroken. I do not agree, however, that a total abandonment or disownment is the way to go.


4 posted on 08/07/2012 9:34:49 PM PDT by Lancey Howard
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To: mlizzy

It took a log of courage for his father to write that letter.


5 posted on 08/07/2012 9:36:34 PM PDT by Darteaus94025
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To: mlizzy

how gay


6 posted on 08/07/2012 9:38:37 PM PDT by jtal (Runnin' a World in Need with White Folks' Greed - since 1492)
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To: mlizzy

A little off topic, but have you ever been on reddit? Those loons make newsvine seem centrist..


7 posted on 08/07/2012 9:39:50 PM PDT by cardinal4 (Do I really need a /s tag?)
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To: Lancey Howard
Yes, I can certainly understand why the Dad would be heartbroken. I do not agree, however, that a total abandonment or disownment is the way to go.
True. Therapists always advise that a door be left open, even if only slightly.
8 posted on 08/07/2012 9:41:15 PM PDT by mlizzy (And if we accept that a mother can kill even her own child, how can we tell others not to kill? --MT)
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To: cardinal4
A little off topic, but have you ever been on reddit? Those loons make newsvine seem centrist..
ROFL... it's bad indeed. :)
9 posted on 08/07/2012 9:42:43 PM PDT by mlizzy (And if we accept that a mother can kill even her own child, how can we tell others not to kill? --MT)
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To: Darteaus94025
It took a log of courage for his father to write that letter.
I agree, and he's probably none to happy to see it on the Internet, especially if the last name given is factual.
10 posted on 08/07/2012 9:45:03 PM PDT by mlizzy (And if we accept that a mother can kill even her own child, how can we tell others not to kill? --MT)
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To: mlizzy

Sex is something a person has, it is not who they are. This entire problem with sexuality as identity should be understood as a mental illness.


11 posted on 08/07/2012 9:45:39 PM PDT by AD from SpringBay (We deserve the government we allow.)
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To: mlizzy
If it hurts, don't do that.

/johnny

12 posted on 08/07/2012 9:46:23 PM PDT by JRandomFreeper (Gone Galt)
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To: mlizzy

Too bad there are not more strong fathers such as this brave man who would put his principles before his Sodomite Son.


13 posted on 08/07/2012 9:49:17 PM PDT by Uncle Slayton
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To: cardinal4

I’d have to disown my kids of they came out liberal or Muslim.


14 posted on 08/07/2012 9:49:33 PM PDT by dragonblustar (Allah Ain't So Akbar!)
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To: Lancey Howard

You can still love another person without abandoning them.


15 posted on 08/07/2012 9:53:36 PM PDT by Jonty30 (What Islam and secularism have in common is that they are both death cults.)
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To: Darteaus94025
It took a log of courage for his father to write that letter.

I disagree. I have three daughters and there is NOTHING they can do that would cause me to disown them. I love them unconditionally.

16 posted on 08/07/2012 9:57:48 PM PDT by ParityErr (It's impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.)
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To: mlizzy

I refuse to judge someone else’s family.


17 posted on 08/07/2012 10:03:55 PM PDT by RIghtwardHo
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To: mlizzy

It is the dad’s choice to do this. Frankly, it is understandable, especially if the dad is a Christian.

My own father did this to me when I was an early teen, simply because I was the only one to stand up to his crud (abuse). He recently died, leaving the estate to his live-in floozy girlfriend (who wound up being investigated for his death) while leaving nothing to the rest of us.

I have only been at peace with the result since he died. My wife, sisters, and my divorced mother are happier than ever, too.

If it’s your money, you should be able to squander or invest it however you desire.


18 posted on 08/07/2012 10:06:01 PM PDT by ConservativeMind ("Humane" = "Don't pen up pets or eat meat, but allow infanticide, abortion, and euthanasia.")
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To: mlizzy
What I know is that this "James" decided to make public a private letter, while providing only his side of this story. Conveniently for James, this makes his father look like a very bad man, a real homophobe just like that intolerant Cathy character.

"James" has a need to pit the whole world against his father with this one-sided tale of woe.

Therefore, I don't trust this "James". He comes off as a manipulative, deceptive drama queen.

19 posted on 08/07/2012 10:06:28 PM PDT by Ezekiel (The Obama-nation began with the Inauguration of Desolation.)
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To: mlizzy
I had to write a similar letter to my younger brother when he decided to announce he was gay. I tried not to be harsh or to cut off all communication but I did make clear what scripture had to say and advise him not to "come out" around my sister and her children.

He doesn't speak to us much but I did help fly him to my mother's funeral and pay for his lodging and meals so surely he realizes I am not cutting him off however I think many gays become hypersensitive to slights and interpret even minor conflicts or silence as "hate" when it isn't so. It's as if they can't wait to find any confirmation of "hate" from straights as somehow justification for their own nastiness and persecution complex.

My advice to anyone who is convinced by faith that homosexuality is wrong and yet must deal with a family member who comes out is to a) stand firm in what Scripture says but b) understand that we are all sinners and do your best to accept the fallen without embracing their lifestyle.

20 posted on 08/07/2012 10:06:36 PM PDT by OrangeHoof (Our economy won't heal until one particular black man is unemployed.)
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To: FlingWingFlyer

>> “Gay” conjures up a lot of wacky and spooky images in a person’s mind.

LOL


21 posted on 08/07/2012 10:10:26 PM PDT by Gene Eric (Demoralization is a weapon of the enemy. Don't get it, don't spread it!)
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To: mlizzy

So here’s the thing I don’t get. Why is it okay for the son to be gay but it’s not okay for the father to stick to his convictions? And why is a vanity posted from Reddit considered “real news”?


22 posted on 08/07/2012 10:11:33 PM PDT by Txngal
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To: Ezekiel
...Therefore, I don't trust this "James". He comes off as a manipulative, deceptive drama queen.
Yes, I agree. One-sided tales are not appropriate, and further the homosexual-as-selfish opinion.
23 posted on 08/07/2012 10:13:06 PM PDT by mlizzy (And if we accept that a mother can kill even her own child, how can we tell others not to kill? --MT)
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To: mlizzy

This happened five years ago.


24 posted on 08/07/2012 10:13:28 PM PDT by ansel12 (Massachusetts Governors,,, where the GOP goes for it's "conservative" Presidential candidates.)
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To: Darteaus94025; All
It took a log of courage for his father to write that letter.

I'm sure "log" was a freudian slip but I say it only took stone cold cowardice.

You see it's letter like this, or the fear of such things, that drives the young people who come through adolescence with a homosexual inclination to fall into the waiting arms of the "gay community" which, for all its proclaimed "tolerance," preaches the abandonment of Faith, family, basic virtues.

I try to warn people: you must have an answer for them other than rejection and vitriolic condemnation. They must have some hope that there is a path for them to live productive, loved, happy lives while not feeling as if they're must lie about their inner struggle.

But, if you believe in "ex-gays," what mother or father would counsel his daughter to marry one? Ok, so then what? Is it lifelong celibacy as Catholics' teach? Is it hopeless damnation like Westboro Baptist espouses? I hope you can see why the false promises of "acceptance" and "belonging" from the "gay community" are so alluring and why this was precisely the easy answer, the wrong answer, the failed parent's answer, the inhumane answer, the unChristian answer.

25 posted on 08/07/2012 10:41:10 PM PDT by newzjunkey (Spread the word: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2915810/posts)
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To: RIghtwardHo

You are making a wise and prudent choice.


26 posted on 08/07/2012 10:42:01 PM PDT by Running On Empty (The three sorriest words: "It's too late")
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To: newzjunkey

So what would God say?


27 posted on 08/07/2012 10:43:47 PM PDT by petitfour
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To: ParityErr

I don’t know if I agree with that—since homosexual acts are such a Satanic, evil act—that not only debases one’s own body—but other people. I wouldn’t care if they weren’t “practicing” the abhorrent lifestyle and were seeking help—then I would totally support them.

But if they think the debasement is “Good” —to actually act on base urges that defile other human beings and themselves, and continue such evil, dysfunctional dangerous lifestyle....I think I would—because of my Christian Faith and their total rejection of God and God’s Design. I would have to say goodbye. It would be sad—very sad—when someone chooses Satan over God. But it is Free Will. People should never back down on such basic principles of Right and Wrong and act like evil is good. That is what the “Good Germans” did in the 30’s. Embracing evil ends in hell.


28 posted on 08/07/2012 10:44:22 PM PDT by savagesusie (Right Reason According to Nature = Just Law)
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To: mlizzy

And we’re all taking it on face value that it was really written by his father? My older sisters taught me the meaning of “gullible” at a young age. I’m taking it with a huge dose of skepticism his father actually wrote this.


29 posted on 08/07/2012 11:11:39 PM PDT by pops88 (Standing with Breitbart for truth.)
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To: newzjunkey

This post encapsulates everything wrong with ‘our side’ when it comes to the homsexual issue.

First, lets stipulate to a simple fact. ‘little Johnny’ has chosen to destroy his family because he prefers taking another man’s penis orally and analy. That his desire to fulfill his sexual desires and put them ahead of everything and everyone but himself...so he ‘can be who he is’ has accomplished what exactly?

Not only has he and others like him made the personal choice to cause chaos for sexual gratification is not the worst of it. The worst of it is that he and others KNOW that there will always be people out there who believe that everyone else must change and adapt their lives, beliefs et all to accommodate his oral and anal desires.

Period.

So by all means. Please continue helping little ‘johnny’ destroy more families and himself through making it easier for him to do so. And having had a ‘homosexual’ (when it could get her what she wanted) sister in law, I have some experience in the matter.

So the whole thing comes down to this. Is it right for normal people to accept this insanity only to get more of it when they do? Or is it right that people be held accountable for the choices they make?


30 posted on 08/07/2012 11:21:35 PM PDT by Norm Lenhart
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To: Jonty30
“My Spirit will not always strive with man”.

What God said 120 years prior to the great flood.

The Early church was told by the apostles to “Release(non repenting sinning Christians) them unto Satan, until such time they should repent”.

Sometime love demands we abandon erring ones, especially if such erring may threaten other innocent ones either as direct physical threats or indirectly thru influencing the innocents to commit sin themselves.

There is a time one must let go for the sake of one’s own spiritual integrity. One can mistake spiritual integrity for “wounded pride”, but “wounded pride” may also cause a parent or loved one to cling to an erring one to such an extent, that the erring one has no motivation to examine him or herself and to change those behaviors that are in error. “Tough love” maybe the only radical spiritual scalpel that may yet save the patient from him or her self!

31 posted on 08/07/2012 11:41:18 PM PDT by mdmathis6 (Not left wing! Not right wing! But....CHRIST WING!)
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To: ParityErr

I concur with you. If the letter is real, it’s pretty unsettling.


32 posted on 08/07/2012 11:43:22 PM PDT by Winstons Julia (Hello OWS? We don't need a revolution like China's; China needs a revolution like OURS.)
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To: mlizzy

Fake letter from drama queen seeking sympathy for political gain.


33 posted on 08/07/2012 11:43:42 PM PDT by TigerClaws
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To: AD from SpringBay
Sex is something a person has, it is not who they are. This entire problem with sexuality as identity should be understood as a mental illness

Well said. I fail to understand how any 'normal' person can define his/her entire being - based on sexual attraction.

I'm an engineer, a dependable friend, a supportive person, active in my church, I give to charity, I volunteer to help out those less fortunate, I love my family, I help my neighbors, I will defend the helpless and I like members of the opposite sex, I love animals (especially dogs), I'm a hunter, I can take or leave fishing. But, my sexual preference has no place in defining "Who" I am.

34 posted on 08/07/2012 11:44:59 PM PDT by Hodar (A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.- Burroughs)
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To: mdmathis6

I can appreciate the point about tough love. If my children were aware of the consequences of their actions, I would never prevent those consequences.

I do differentiate between deliberate rebellion and mental illness. If my child were gay, I assume that it’s more likely due to mental illness or messed up hormones, as opposed to open rebellion.

Having said that, my child would always be welcome into my home on condition that they abide behaviourally by my rules when they are here. If they cannot abide by my rules, they cannot come into my home.


35 posted on 08/07/2012 11:56:22 PM PDT by Jonty30 (What Islam and secularism have in common is that they are both death cults.)
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To: cardinal4

“A little off topic, but have you ever been on reddit? Those loons make newsvine seem centrist..”

Yup. It’s an obama ass-kissers wet dream. That’s why you almost never see it linked ala Yelp or FB. It’s infested with lobotomy-ready readers.


36 posted on 08/07/2012 11:57:29 PM PDT by max americana (Make the world a better place by punching a liberal in the face)
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To: mlizzy
I do not know a single father/son relationship that does not have some sort of conflict in it somewhere. Some can work it out, some can not. Its just a shame that this son decided to make such a display of his father's last words to him.

It doesn't take a lot to read between the lines and see a father that feels shattered with disappointment and fear. He will never get to meet his new daughter-in-law. He will never be Gramps or Paw-Paw to some wonderful little tyke. And he will always fear for his son's physical health and spiritual well-being.

Perhaps if this son was not so self absorbed and happy to wallow in his self pity and drama, he may have been able to feel his father's pain and attempt to bridge the gap... instead of flying his gay agenda flag on the back of his father's sincere letter.

37 posted on 08/08/2012 12:08:20 AM PDT by Casie
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To: ParityErr; Darteaus94025
I disagree. I have three daughters and there is NOTHING they can do that would cause me to disown them. I love them unconditionally.

This unconditional love thing is another stupid Liberal idea foisted on the world in the sixties.

For your sake I hope your daughters never put you to the test.

It is true that a parent that raised their children to be good people will always WANT to lover their children but when your child has truly done terrible things to others, themselves and the parents it is only natural to hate the child for these terrible things that they have done.

Sometimes the worst thing that the child does is make the parent hate themselves for hating the child.

Again I hope your conviction is never tested.

38 posted on 08/08/2012 12:11:31 AM PDT by Pontiac (The welfare state must fail because it is contrary to human nature and diminishes the human spirit.)
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To: ParityErr

“I disagree. I have three daughters and there is NOTHING they can do that would cause me to disown them. I love them unconditionally.”

One of my (former) high school buds stabbed, lacerated and dismembered his 6 month old pregnant wife. His father disowned him and he said it in front of us in the courtroom, for everyone to hear including the judge.


39 posted on 08/08/2012 12:20:30 AM PDT by max americana (Make the world a better place by punching a liberal in the face)
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To: newzjunkey

What about other sexual sins? Most of us who aren’t gay are born to commit adultery and fornication. It is the rare, rare man or woman who is not tempted, often sorely.

What shall we do? Repress all those urges in obedience to God?

Yes.


40 posted on 08/08/2012 12:33:11 AM PDT by Persevero (Homeschooling for Excellence since 1992)
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To: Darteaus94025

Personally, I think he should have done better. Regardless of what level of communication he wanted to pursue he should have explained possibility of repentance and forgiveness to his son. “God doesn’t for you to live this lifestyle” is only the beginning, of what he should have said.


41 posted on 08/08/2012 12:38:24 AM PDT by eclecticEel (Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness: 7/4/1776 - 3/21/2010)
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To: mlizzy

Three boys out of my son’s high school graduating class of a couple of hundred kids, were homosexual. All three died with AIDS. Their lives were gone in their early 20s. What a great lifestyle they had.

If I had a grown child who was homosexual, he/she could not come to my house. That child would have made a choice and I would make a choice.


42 posted on 08/08/2012 12:42:54 AM PDT by Marcella (PREPARE)
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To: mlizzy
This whole "debate" has been framed to benefit the left-wing pro-homosexual people. First, having attraction to members of the same sex does not make you a member of some separate race of people. It means you are a regular person with a sexual disorder. Referring to people as "gay" in the same way some people are white, some black, some asian, etc. frames the entire debate as if homosexuals should be treated as a separate race of people rather than as human beings with a disorder. That is wrong, and every time we, as conservatives, play into that narrative, we already surrender the debate.

It is easy for kids these days to be brainwashed into thinking that "gay rights" is a civil rights issue when we allow gays to thought of as a separate race. After all, if blacks can't help being black and they suffered through slavery and Jim Crow, then why wouldn't we view gays the same way? But once you reframe the debate to where homosexuals are regular people, except they have a sexual disorder, then the entire concept of a civil rights struggle goes away. As long as we treat them and view them as a separate race of people, all of the civil rights arguments stay in place, and those false arguments are used to make the younger generation sympathetic toward all gay causes.

With regards to this father's letter, if we assume it to be true and accurate (what grown man prints a letter like this? It looks like something a kid would write), it should be seen this way: if the son had come to his father and said "Dad, I am struggling with a sexual attraction to men" the father would most likely have been alarmed and would have looked for ways to fix or avert the problem, rather than disowning his son. However, when the son says "I'm coming out officially and declaring myself GAY", this implies that not only does the son have a sexual attraction to men, but that HE HAS EMBRACED not only the sexual nature, but the label and the lifestyle. This is the kid telling his dad that he has thought it over and decided that homosexual behavior is the way to go, and he is going to embrace it fully. Simply having the feelings is not grounds for disowning, but MAKING A DECISION TO EMBRACE A LIFESTYLE is.

I see the kid's official coming out message as sort of an in-your-face challenge to the dad, daring him to reject the kid's choice. And, in doing so, the kid actually betrays the father because he puts the father in a position of either accepting the homosexual lifestyle or rejecting his son. It's the Devil's choice: either 1) embrace homosexuality as normal and healthy and discard your own beliefs, or 2) look like an a-hole for rejecting your son (especially when the son posts your letter on the internet). The son is responsible for this whole mess, and kudos to the dad for making what would inevitably be the harder choice: going against the politically correct, pop-culture opinion. After all, we saw what the Left tried to do to Dan Cathy after he merely expressed his beliefs. The dad here knew he faced the same potential disfavor and harassment.
43 posted on 08/08/2012 1:37:44 AM PDT by fr_freak
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To: max americana
His 6 month old pregnant wife...

By any chance, was her name Aisha?

44 posted on 08/08/2012 1:48:18 AM PDT by BykrBayb (Somewhere, my flower is there. ~ Þ)
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To: mlizzy

If all the kid did was say he was gay and the father reacted this way, the father is wrong. There is nothing principled about the father’s letter. The kid didn’t say he was out having sex or marching in parades. In fact, the father seems incredibly callous and cold. Christianity teaches the difference between being gay and acting on it. I agree that the article is a stupid attempt to tie it to Cathy though.


45 posted on 08/08/2012 2:31:09 AM PDT by Opinionated Blowhard ("When the people find they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic.")
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To: ParityErr
...there is NOTHING they can do that would cause me to disown them. I love them unconditionally.

Unconditional love is not the issue; the issue is unconditional acceptance.

And I dare say only a fool would pledge unconditional acceptance, even to God himself.

46 posted on 08/08/2012 3:24:28 AM PDT by papertyger ("And how we burned in the camps later, thinking: What would things have been like if..."))
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To: OrangeHoof
It's as if they can't wait to find any confirmation of "hate" from straights as somehow justification for their own nastiness....

We have a winner!

47 posted on 08/08/2012 3:27:25 AM PDT by papertyger ("And how we burned in the camps later, thinking: What would things have been like if..."))
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To: Txngal
And why is a vanity posted from Reddit considered “real news”?

Apparently "The Blaze" and "The Daily Mail" consider it news.

48 posted on 08/08/2012 3:30:11 AM PDT by papertyger ("And how we burned in the camps later, thinking: What would things have been like if..."))
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To: newzjunkey
... this was precisely the easy answer, the wrong answer, the failed parent's answer, the inhumane answer, the unChristian answer.

Because Christians always go along with what the "world" wants, right?

Peppering your response with insults and false rationalizations doesn't make it any less wrong.

49 posted on 08/08/2012 3:36:26 AM PDT by papertyger ("And how we burned in the camps later, thinking: What would things have been like if..."))
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To: Norm Lenhart
So by all means. Please continue helping little ‘johnny’ destroy more families and himself through making it easier for him to do so.

Well said.

50 posted on 08/08/2012 3:41:34 AM PDT by papertyger ("And how we burned in the camps later, thinking: What would things have been like if..."))
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