Skip to comments.The Best and Funniest Country (esp. the South and Mid-West) Expressions [Vanity]
Posted on 09/21/2012 1:58:04 PM PDT by Pharmboy
I have always enjoyed hearing those funny and clever expressions handed down from grandmas and grandpas in the heartland. I grew up in the east, but went to school in the mid-west, and some of the guys I went to school with had some great ones.
I would love to hear some of yours.
I will start with a few that I heard years ago, and ask you folks to add your own favorites that you heard from friends and family.
My dad (NYC):
"Busier than a one-armed paper hanger."
From a buddy from Indiana:
"Well, he stands out like two turds in a pan of milk."
"She's crazier than a half-f***ed fox during the heat season."
From a guy from Georgia who lived down the hall [said about a woman who was not particularly attractive]:
She sure ain't nobody's pretty chile."
A woman from Maryland as she goes to answer the telelphone:
"What kind of fresh hell is this?"
Now you go...
From My old Great-Uncle in Texas who was an oilman who made it big and lost it big . . . both several times . . . with just a 3rd grade education . . . he was orphaned at a very young age.
I’m as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockin’ chairs.
I loved listening to old stories from him (his name was Uncle Sam) and my grandfather.
From the Ozarks:
“Slicker’n greased owl s***.”
“Sharper’n a mouse turd tapered on both ends.”
“Nervous as a whore in church.”
‘like a monkey peeing on a cash register, sooner or later it runs into money’ (discussing money losing businesses or other enterprises...)
my dad, south MS.
“Jumpier than a one legged man in a roach stomping contest. “
Not funny but I always thought it interesting that my Mother never said “it rained”. She would say “it came up a cloud”.
She war born and reared in Florida within sight of the Alabama line.
“If frogs had wings, their a$$es wouldn’t hit the ground when they jumped”
“Boy, you’re dumber than a Buick engineer” from my dad, who was a foreman at BuicK.
Slicker than snot on a door knob! WA State
From my grandpa:
“Uglier than a mud fence. “
“Use your head for somethin’ besides a hat rack. “
(While following a very large woman in pants) “looks like two hogs fightin’ in a gunny sack. “
An old boss of mine after working stooped over for long periods and saying he needed to stretch or else :
“I’ll look like a monkey humping a jug” or
“I’ll look like my tie is caught in my zipper.”
(I like the first one better!)
‘if otters (oughta’s) were beavers we’d all be wearing fur coats’. my great aunt who died last spring age 99.5yrs. south MS.
This one is from a Friend from Wisconsin. (referring to getting drunk)
“F***ED up like a test rat.”
Same with my Missouri kin. A thunderstorm was “came up a bad cloud”.
My dad would say “kittywampus” if something was out-of-wack or askew. (Minnesota). Not sure on the spelling. I wonder if it has its roots in “kitty corner” - like two lots on the diagonal (askew - not straight across) from each other at an intersection.
One that everyone used when I was a kid but haven’t heard in a long time: “uglier than home made sin”.
Six of one half a dozen of another.
Those are the kind of folks you just pass and repass with. In other words throw up your hand at them and keep on walking.
My grandmother. North Ga
Usually a threat of sorts; Honey, you do and I’ll be all over you like:
. . .a duck on a june-bug
. . .like ugly on ape
Courtesy of my Mom, born and bred in West Texas.
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