Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

The Best and Funniest Country (esp. the South and Mid-West) Expressions [Vanity]
Pharmboy | 9-21-12 | Everyone

Posted on 09/21/2012 1:58:04 PM PDT by Pharmboy

I have always enjoyed hearing those funny and clever expressions handed down from grandmas and grandpas in the heartland. I grew up in the east, but went to school in the mid-west, and some of the guys I went to school with had some great ones.

I would love to hear some of yours.

I will start with a few that I heard years ago, and ask you folks to add your own favorites that you heard from friends and family.

My dad (NYC):

"Busier than a one-armed paper hanger."

From a buddy from Indiana:

"Well, he stands out like two turds in a pan of milk."

"She's crazier than a half-f***ed fox during the heat season."

From a guy from Georgia who lived down the hall [said about a woman who was not particularly attractive]:

She sure ain't nobody's pretty chile."

A woman from Maryland as she goes to answer the telelphone:

"What kind of fresh hell is this?"

Now you go...


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: heartland; sayings
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-100101-150151-200201-249 next last
Thank you all in advance.
1 posted on 09/21/2012 1:58:09 PM PDT by Pharmboy
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy
Pert' near but not plumb (almost but not quite), Appalachian foothills, North Carolina.
2 posted on 09/21/2012 2:04:01 PM PDT by RegulatorCountry
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

From My old Great-Uncle in Texas who was an oilman who made it big and lost it big . . . both several times . . . with just a 3rd grade education . . . he was orphaned at a very young age.

I’m as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockin’ chairs.

I loved listening to old stories from him (his name was Uncle Sam) and my grandfather.


3 posted on 09/21/2012 2:04:13 PM PDT by Qwackertoo (Romney/Ryan 2012 The Future of Our Children and Their Children are at stake.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

From the Ozarks:

“Slicker’n greased owl s***.”

“Sharper’n a mouse turd tapered on both ends.”


4 posted on 09/21/2012 2:04:45 PM PDT by familyop ("Wanna cigarette? You're never too young to start." --Deacon, "Waterworld")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

“Nervous as a whore in church.”


5 posted on 09/21/2012 2:06:03 PM PDT by familyop ("Wanna cigarette? You're never too young to start." --Deacon, "Waterworld")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

‘like a monkey peeing on a cash register, sooner or later it runs into money’ (discussing money losing businesses or other enterprises...)

my dad, south MS.


6 posted on 09/21/2012 2:06:30 PM PDT by Black Agnes
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

“Jumpier than a one legged man in a roach stomping contest. “


7 posted on 09/21/2012 2:07:36 PM PDT by DiogenesLamp (Partus Sequitur Patrem)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

Not funny but I always thought it interesting that my Mother never said “it rained”. She would say “it came up a cloud”.

She war born and reared in Florida within sight of the Alabama line.


8 posted on 09/21/2012 2:09:26 PM PDT by yarddog
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

“If frogs had wings, their a$$es wouldn’t hit the ground when they jumped”


9 posted on 09/21/2012 2:10:06 PM PDT by ssaftler (With apologies to Gene Kranz: "Obama is not an option")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

“Boy, you’re dumber than a Buick engineer” from my dad, who was a foreman at BuicK.


10 posted on 09/21/2012 2:11:00 PM PDT by Panzerlied ("We shall never surrender!")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

Slicker than snot on a door knob! WA State


11 posted on 09/21/2012 2:11:15 PM PDT by BillT (If you can not stand behind our military, you might as well stand in front of them!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

From my grandpa:
“Uglier than a mud fence. “

“Use your head for somethin’ besides a hat rack. “

(While following a very large woman in pants) “looks like two hogs fightin’ in a gunny sack. “


12 posted on 09/21/2012 2:11:21 PM PDT by CrazyIvan (Obama's birth certificate was found stapled to Soros's receipt.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Black Agnes

An old boss of mine after working stooped over for long periods and saying he needed to stretch or else :

“I’ll look like a monkey humping a jug” or

“I’ll look like my tie is caught in my zipper.”

(I like the first one better!)


13 posted on 09/21/2012 2:12:09 PM PDT by 21twelve (So I [God] gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devices. Psalm 81:12)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

‘if otters (oughta’s) were beavers we’d all be wearing fur coats’. my great aunt who died last spring age 99.5yrs. south MS.


14 posted on 09/21/2012 2:12:31 PM PDT by Black Agnes
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

This one is from a Friend from Wisconsin. (referring to getting drunk)

“F***ED up like a test rat.”


15 posted on 09/21/2012 2:12:51 PM PDT by DiogenesLamp (Partus Sequitur Patrem)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: yarddog

Same with my Missouri kin. A thunderstorm was “came up a bad cloud”.


16 posted on 09/21/2012 2:14:10 PM PDT by CrazyIvan (Obama's birth certificate was found stapled to Soros's receipt.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: RegulatorCountry

My dad would say “kittywampus” if something was out-of-wack or askew. (Minnesota). Not sure on the spelling. I wonder if it has its roots in “kitty corner” - like two lots on the diagonal (askew - not straight across) from each other at an intersection.


17 posted on 09/21/2012 2:15:57 PM PDT by 21twelve (So I [God] gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devices. Psalm 81:12)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

One that everyone used when I was a kid but haven’t heard in a long time: “uglier than home made sin”.


18 posted on 09/21/2012 2:15:57 PM PDT by yarddog
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

Six of one half a dozen of another.

Those are the kind of folks you just pass and repass with. In other words throw up your hand at them and keep on walking.

My grandmother. North Ga


19 posted on 09/21/2012 2:16:08 PM PDT by georgiabelle
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

Usually a threat of sorts; Honey, you do and I’ll be all over you like:

. . .a duck on a june-bug

. . .like ugly on ape

Courtesy of my Mom, born and bred in West Texas.


20 posted on 09/21/2012 2:16:10 PM PDT by KittenClaws (You may have to fight a battle more than once in order to win it." - Margaret Thatcher)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: CrazyIvan
Thank you, these two are great.
From my grandpa:
“Uglier than a mud fence. “
(While following a very large woman in pants) “looks like two hogs fightin’ in a gunny sack. “
21 posted on 09/21/2012 2:16:14 PM PDT by FreedomFighter1013 (The Obamas: Grifter-in-chief and Michie the Moocher)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: familyop

“Slicker’n deer guts on a door knob.”


22 posted on 09/21/2012 2:16:21 PM PDT by Noumenon (“...the other side wants everything in America to be free, except us.” Paul Ryan)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

So Stupid that “They couldn’t pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel.”


23 posted on 09/21/2012 2:16:38 PM PDT by DiogenesLamp (Partus Sequitur Patrem)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: CrazyIvan

He’s as useless as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.

Stronger than an acre of garlic

Slicker than a bucket of eels

hotter than a $2 pistol

f—d like a tied up goat


24 posted on 09/21/2012 2:17:39 PM PDT by TheThirdRuffian (I will never vote for Romney. Ever.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 16 | View Replies]

To: CrazyIvan

I have heard Mother use that exact phrase too.


25 posted on 09/21/2012 2:17:44 PM PDT by yarddog
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 16 | View Replies]

To: All
These are great, folks, a few made me laugh and a few made me grin. And I just remembered one I heard from a construction guy in upstate NY (Delaware County):

"It's colder than a well digger's *ss."

26 posted on 09/21/2012 2:18:34 PM PDT by Pharmboy (Democrats lie because they must.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

Whoa! If he/she ever had to haul-ass they’d have to make two trips!


27 posted on 09/21/2012 2:19:20 PM PDT by READINABLUESTATE ("We must hang together, gentlemen...else, we shall most assuredly hang separately." - Franklin)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Noumenon

“Cold as a witches teat.”

“Colder’n a well digger’s a**.”


28 posted on 09/21/2012 2:19:58 PM PDT by familyop ("Wanna cigarette? You're never too young to start." --Deacon, "Waterworld")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 22 | View Replies]

To: georgiabelle

“pass and repass” is another common one from my youth which I never hear any more.


29 posted on 09/21/2012 2:20:36 PM PDT by yarddog
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 19 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy; a fool in paradise; Slings and Arrows
"Nekkid like a intern at the White House" (North Alaska saying.)
30 posted on 09/21/2012 2:20:50 PM PDT by Revolting cat! (Bad things are wrong!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

Pole vaulting over mouse turds. (Midwest)

She was built like she’d been shot in the back with a coupla Zuni rockets. (Republic of South Vietnam)


31 posted on 09/21/2012 2:21:00 PM PDT by 2nd Bn, 11th Mar (The "p" in Democrat stands for patriotism.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DiogenesLamp

That reminded me of this

“They’re so poor they don’t have a pot to pee in nor a winda to throw it out of”


32 posted on 09/21/2012 2:21:04 PM PDT by KittenClaws (You may have to fight a battle more than once in order to win it." - Margaret Thatcher)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 23 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

“I been to three county fairs and two goat ropins and I ain’t never seed nothing like that.”


33 posted on 09/21/2012 2:22:10 PM PDT by Ronald_Magnus
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: 21twelve

We actually bought a T Shirt in Bejiing that had a monkey humping Sponge Bob.


34 posted on 09/21/2012 2:23:07 PM PDT by DooDahhhh (ma)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy
One that got me in trouble when I used it in a meeting with a politically correct PHD was an expression of my dad's

“Dull as a hoe”

35 posted on 09/21/2012 2:23:22 PM PDT by Cowman (How can the IRS seize property without a warrant if the 4th amendment still stands?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

“so skinny she’d have to jump around in the shower to get wet” Ozarks.

“Shit fire and save matches.” Texas


36 posted on 09/21/2012 2:23:42 PM PDT by Rushmore Rocks
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

             

37 posted on 09/21/2012 2:24:22 PM PDT by tomkat
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Ronald_Magnus

Since no one else listed it: “She looks like she fell out the ugly tree and smacked every branch on the way down...”


38 posted on 09/21/2012 2:25:33 PM PDT by Noumenon (“...the other side wants everything in America to be free, except us.” Paul Ryan)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 33 | View Replies]

To: Ronald_Magnus

Oh geez...that is just brilliant. That’s one you would NEVER hear in NYC.


39 posted on 09/21/2012 2:25:46 PM PDT by Pharmboy (Democrats lie because they must.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 33 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

When I lived in Texas I heard an old timer say “as clear as rat droppings in a sugar bowl”.


40 posted on 09/21/2012 2:26:22 PM PDT by yarddog
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: familyop

Colder than a witches teat in a brass bra.


41 posted on 09/21/2012 2:27:21 PM PDT by AFreeBird
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 28 | View Replies]

To: Noumenon

Her teeth were so bucked she could eat a corn through a picket fence.


42 posted on 09/21/2012 2:27:38 PM PDT by KittenClaws (You may have to fight a battle more than once in order to win it." - Margaret Thatcher)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 38 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy
This ain't my first rodeo.

Western Colorado

43 posted on 09/21/2012 2:27:47 PM PDT by BluH2o
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

It is hotter out than 2 mice going at it in a wool sock.


44 posted on 09/21/2012 2:27:50 PM PDT by npatter
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy

“That boy’s so dumb he thought asphalt was a rectal problem.” more from the Ozarks


45 posted on 09/21/2012 2:28:15 PM PDT by Rushmore Rocks
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: RegulatorCountry

Built like a brick s—t house!

Bat s—t crazy!

In response to “Ya, but” “Yabuts live in the woods”

As the crow flies.

So poor I can’t even pay attention.


46 posted on 09/21/2012 2:28:44 PM PDT by READINABLUESTATE ("We must hang together, gentlemen...else, we shall most assuredly hang separately." - Franklin)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: KittenClaws

. . as quite as a cat peein’ on cotton


47 posted on 09/21/2012 2:28:44 PM PDT by KittenClaws (You may have to fight a battle more than once in order to win it." - Margaret Thatcher)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 42 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy
Whiskey is for drinking; water is for fighting over.

--- New Mexico
48 posted on 09/21/2012 2:29:03 PM PDT by TheThirdRuffian (I will never vote for Romney. Ever.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Pharmboy
From a frat brother who was from central NY:

That's about as useful as hen shit on a pump handle.

49 posted on 09/21/2012 2:29:28 PM PDT by thefactor (yes, as a matter of fact, i DID only read the excerpt)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Lucky9teen; Lazamataz; SunkenCiv; thefactor; neverdem; blam

Ping for your collective humorous wisdom.


50 posted on 09/21/2012 2:30:14 PM PDT by Pharmboy (Democrats lie because they must.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-100101-150151-200201-249 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson