Skip to comments.Sloshed: How to Drink Before Noon
Posted on 09/26/2012 2:13:09 PM PDT by nickcarraway
One of my favorite things about drinking in the morning is just how purposeful it has to be. At night, you can simply have a drink without need for any particular reason. But between the hours of, say, 5 a.m. and noon, society demands you explain your alcoholic intake. Given those demands, morning drinking can often be the most well-thought-out kind of drinking there is.
Morning drinking didn't always have the stigma that it does now. Farmers traditionally drank hard cider all day long, soldiers once woke with whiskey, city dwellers in the nineteenth century invented entire lines of delightfully named cocktails flips! fizzes! daisies! to deal with morning headaches. Alas, things change: The industrial revolution reshaped the ideas of "work" and "productivity"; the temperance movement highlighted the social dangers of daylong drinking; and modern science showed us what booze does to our livers. Long story short: Morning drinking isn't such a regular occurrence anymore.
While downing a shot may have once been a typical way to gird one's loins and face the day, that practice now fundamentally conflicts with modern American ideas about work.
It's probably for the best this way, and it means that when you do drink in the morning, you must give the activity its proper respect and consideration. The days when it's okay to drink before noon are the days when we are specifically not working, and that's the very essence of the Morning Drink. It's a celebration of leisure, a well-deserved day off. And a great excuse to take a nap later that afternoon.
That means that there are really only two situations in which it's socially acceptable to have a Morning Drink: Either you are dealing with a weekend hangover, or it's one of the approved drink-all-day special occasions (you're on vacation, it's the Fourth of July, etc.). And while, yes, you can drink on other mornings and in other circumstances, we'd suggest you stick to these two scenarios. If it's a Wednesday morning and you're slugging down a PBR while you get ready for work, you are in trouble. Unless you're a novelist or something, in which case nobody cares.
Here then, the official Sloshed primer on how, when, and where to maximize your morning-drinking enjoyment.
Scenario 1: You Have a Hangover I realize some people order Bloody Marys when they aren't hung-over, but they are the anomalies here: The Bloody Mary was created for America's bleary-eyed, headache-suffering masses. In fact, it might be one the few drinks, along with perhaps mimosas, that is only okay to drink in daylight hours. For this reason, and because tomato juice pretty much hides the alcohol taste, the Bloody Mary is easily the most common prenoon drink.
The idea of the brunch drink is, of course, the hair-of-the-dog thinking. Without getting into a discussion about the efficacy of this basically unsound technique, we can all agree that it is a super common and long-standing practice. But do not fool yourself: The real value of drinking through a hangover is not that it actually cures anything, only that it gets you sorta drunk again. The purpose of the morning drink, Vincent Toscano, a bartender at San Franciscos Rye told me, is to get you back to where you were five hours ago. Five hours' sleep is pretty hard-core, but the sentiment is right: Hair-of-the-dog is the time machine that brings last night into today.
Nutritionists and other doctors could probably find fault with the strategy of drinking as a means of dealing with the side effects of drinking, but whatever. We dont get many opportunities to drink before lunch, so we may as well take full advantage. To be handled properly, all hangover-curing drinks should be had in a group setting and preferably in a well-lit public space. Remember, you are continuing the fun from last night, but you shouldnt try and re-create the actual nighttime. Surround yourself with as many of the same people from your festivities and meet them somewhere on a patio. Oh, and stay away from shots.
How to do it better: Bloody Marys, mimosas, and Bellinis are the de facto drinks here, but they're hardly the only options. Take a page from those nineteenth-century city dwellers and consider fizzes and flips. A good hangover drink will both settle your stomach and give you at least a few restorative non-alcohol calories, so something like a mojito (bubbly and herby) or a Tom Collins (the Alka-Seltzer of the cocktail world) wouldn't be a terrible idea.
In fact, the best hangover drink, if you can swing it, is probably the Ramos Gin Fizz, a ridiculously labor- and ingredient-intensive concoction of dry gin, citrus juice, orange blossom water, heavy cream, and an egg white. If you can find a bartender that's willing to make one for you you've really got to shake the hell out of this drink to make it froth up properly you are golden.
Scenario 2: It's a Special Occasion These moments occur mostly either on vacation (preferably in tropical settings), during football games, or on summer holidays involving fireworks. Being at an airport or on an airplane also weirdly qualifies, as it slides in on the coattails of the vacation-mentality, and everyone knows time is suspended during layovers. The quality that these seemingly disparate occasions share is that they all occur in spaces outside your everyday life: a hotel patio, a beach, a ship, a stadium parking lot, a park, a pub filled with Irish people even your own backyard is special when you add coolers and fireworks. The point is that you're in a place where you become separated from the day-to-day, so you needn't pay any attention to other people's clocks. I was once on a cruise ship and watched a friend order a strawberry daiquiri and a plate of French fries at nine in the morning. It was the most stunning and liberating thing I have ever seen.
The drink you order during your special-occasion morning will depend on the details of the activity and will be pretty obvious to anyone who lives in modern-day culture: fruit and rum drinks in the tropics, beer for summer holidays and sports parties, etc. The one exception and fun outlier is the airplane. For reasons probably involving the very common fear of flying, you can drink like a 60-year-old salesman on airplanes and nobody will really care. While I would not advise it in any other situation, ordering multiple double vodkas on the rocks during a 10 a.m. drink service is actually a great idea and at least moderately advisable.
How to do it better: There isn't really an across-the-board quality upgrade that applies here, and honestly, booze quality is rarely as important as booze quantity here. (You don't want to be the snob drinking some 9.5 percent ABV microbrew at 10:15 a.m. if everyone else is drinking Coors.) But one nice touch during these events is to make a pitcher of some refreshing cocktail: The Tom Collins would work of course or, if you've got the time and ambition, any punch concoction. It is so easy to slide into the beer-filled cooler here, but that can often be out of habit rather than preference. Who doesnt love a pitcher of margaritas?
You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning
Not drinking in the morning goes back at least 2000 years. On Pentecost, 49 days after the Resurrection, Peter and the disciples were accused of being drunk (Acts 2). Not so, Peter said, for it is only 9 in the morning (the 3rd hour by Jewish time reckoning).
BEER the breakfast of champions.
However, we noticed that the bottle was shaped differently from the Bacardi bottles found in the stores.Then I noticed that the label contained a Havana, Cuba address. Exploring further, I noticed that the bottle was dated 1953. Despite its age, the rum tasted fine.
BC football games that start at Noon are call for Bloody Mary’s at 10:00. Oh and then there’s the Orangejuice Rockefellers.
Never too early for a glass or a lass .
Yep, cocktails were developed specifically for mornings.
We (USA) have become so alcohol paranoid to be idiotic.
LISTER enters, yawning, and goes over to the food machine.
DISPENSER: Good morning. How can I help you?
LISTER: Bonjourno. Um, give me breakfast.
DISPENSER: What would you like?
LISTER: Uh ... chicken vindaloo ... and a milkshake.
DISPENSER: What flavour milkshake?
LISTER: Um ... beer.
The dispenser produces a food container and a glass of some brownish liquid.
(If it exists, there is a Red Dwarf of it)...
yup alcoholics always like to justify their consumption...
Every once in a great while I treat myself to a half-shot of Seagrams in my coffee.
They had to outlaw it because the whole continent was addicted.
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake. - W. C. Fields
Noon games suck at FSU.. hammered by noon. Asleep by 6:00..
Hey, it’s always 5:00 somewhere
I indulged in an am drink once a year on Thanksgiving morning after breakfast when I start cooking the feast.....lol!! Always make Bloody Mary’s!!
I have some friends who would blow a .08 as they get out of bed.
http://www.drunkard.com for the rest of you.
You have a good reason to be concerned, that is not paranoia.
My statement was a general observation about how the US deals with drinking, there is a tendency to view all drinking as an issue (there are exceptions).
I don’t appreciate these narrow minded rules.
I have noticed the “airport exemption” before.
Stick a cigar into my mouth at 10:00am and watch me pour a nice aged Scotch into a glass and drink it.
BTW, there is a cable show called, “Drinking Made easy”. It’s a riot! They show all kinds of recipes and drinking techniques. Good show, actually.
Back to first principles. Very logical!
I worked at a brewery years ago. The very best breakfast in the world consists of a warm, sticky cinnamon roll and a glass of warm IPA straight out of the fermenter.
yup and people like you offer them plenty of it...
LOL....Stop! Yer Killing me!
Vendome’s rules for drinking:
Never before 9pm
Never if you are angry or down.
Never if someone is in the room you don’t like(unless they can’t drink for health or AA reasons)
Never if someone doesn’t like you( * see above caveat *)
Never if you have to drive
I have 2 rules for when I start to drink - it’s noon or I’ve been up more than 3 hours.
The oldest continuous running play in America was in Tulsa, OK.
It was an Oleo called “The Drunkard”.
Now that there’s funny...
Back to first principles. Very logical!
Shift workers drink in the morning - they just got out of work!
My town has a couple of bars open very early because we still have shift-work jobs in the area....including police, fire, doctors... along with the machinists and factory workers.
It’s weird to see when most of mankind is driving to work but they are on completely different schedules.
I guess it’s still playing and I misspelled “Olio”:
Clearly none of these “rules” apply to Pac 12 tailgates, because every single one I’ve been to everyone over the age of 18 is completely sloshed by 11am.
Yes, even Utah.
Pff. Any day I have off, I mix my first vodka tonic at 9:30am, and to hell with whomever doesn’t like it. (I don’t drive.)
How to drink before noon? Easy, work overnight.
Here in Pittsburgh it used to be pretty common. Night shift guys kept overnight and early morning bars busy. When they retired the old guys would still gather in those bars. I hung out in a bunch of them. Very few left now...sigh.
I work midnights, and at first I received some raised eyebrows from store clerks for buying beer at 7AM in the morning, that is until I told them I worked midnights. They were cool with it after that, especially since they’re working the zombie shift also.
A lady, a vodka, a proper use of ‘whomever’.
Happy hour indeed.
Down in New Orleans they called it an Eye Opener....When I was their for vacation a couple of Bloody Mary’s really take the edge off the morning! LOL
That’s why she’s a perfect lady...
Actually at top universities, it's Adderall
Speaking as a recovering alcoholic myself, drinking in the morning sure ain’t helpful.
If you’re not an alky, drinking all day long will certainly turn you into one.
I was always partial to a flask of Southern Comfort in the inside pocket of me stadium coat. Back in the days when I would venture to Chestnut Hill to watch the Eagles.