Posted on 01/04/2013 5:11:46 AM PST by Lucky9teen
“I was at WALMART the other day at the check out line and went to pay and the ‘good looking cashier’ said “Facing me, strip down”.
I unbuttoned my shirt and was starting on my pants when Security stopped me.
They just have to be more specific when instructing us ‘old fartz’ on these new fangled machines...
lol! best poshitus joke I’ve heard.
Top 25?
Even if I’m not thanks for all the funnies!
Top 25?
Even if I’m not thanks for all the funnies!
Top 25?
Even if I’m not thanks for all the funnies!
Top 25?
Even if I’m not thanks for all the funnies!
Nice.
Top 30?
IN!
Accordion to scientists and linguists, you can replace a word in a sentence with the name of a musical instrument and very few people will notice.
Definition of an optimist: An accordion player with a pager.
MY LAST TRIP TO COSTCO
Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people.
Now that’s just drum.
Q: Why are tubas like elderly parents?
A: Both are unforgiving and difficult to get into and out of cars.
Q: How many tuba players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just one, but he'll complain about how high the socket is.
Two tuba players walk past a bar... well, it could happen.
A tuba player walked into a bar... It cost him $175.00 to have the dent removed.
One week after moving into his first apartment, Ed called his mother to complain about his neighbors: "One woman cries all day, another lies in bed moaning, and then there's this guy that keeps banging his head against the wall."
"You better keep away from them," she said.
"I do. I stay inside all day playing my tuba."
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