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5 Reasons Cats Are Inferior to Dogs in Every Way
Pajamas Media ^ | 02/25/2013 | John Hawkins

Posted on 02/25/2013 10:05:10 AM PST by SeekAndFind

Are cats really the Honey Boo Boo of the animal world? No, Honey Boo Boo is the Honey Boo Boo of the animal world, while cats are more like the Lindsay Lohan of the animal world — difficult, unpredictable, hard to like, and probably high on catnip. Oh, cats look cute when they’re in the bobblehead kitten stage or swatting away at yarn, but as you get to know the little beasts, you start to realize that they’re merely trying to lull you into complacency so they can steal your breath after you fall asleep. An old wives’ tale? Well, is it just an old wives’ tale that if a cop beats a hippy with his nightstick then he’ll have good luck for seven years? I think not. On the other hand, dogs are superior to cats in every way and if you don’t agree, well then, good luck with your empty life without a soul.

Cat in sink

1) Dogs are much smarter than cats.

Can you teach a cat to sit? To roll over? To come when it’s called? No, because cats are stupid. Granted, dogs are stupid, too, but they’re probably on the same level as your two year old. A cat is closer in intelligence to a geranium — if a geranium had claws and a certain feral cunning it could use to track, torment, and kill smaller plants for its own amusement. Is that what you’d want for a plant you loved? To be at the mercy of a hateful geranium? You cat people are just sick! Sick!

Cats love blood

2) Your dog loves you. Your cat couldn’t care less if you were murdered by clowns.

You don’t have to guess whether a dog is happy to see you or not because every time you come home, he dances around the room, jumps in circles, wags his tail, and generally acts like you would if you won the lottery, gained super powers, and cured cancer all at the same time. Meanwhile, cats skulk around the house, hide from you, and like to sit out of reach, preferably somewhere in the kitchen where their fur can fall in your food. Ironically, the general indifference of cats is what makes them charming to some people. “Ooooh, I know I’m just about to win kitty over with this bowl of milk, his favorite toy, and a scratching post and….kitty, no, don’t pee on that, kitty, no! Oooh, I have to try harder to get kitty to like me!”

Cat suicide

3) Dogs are better pets.

Dogs have spent thousands of years earning the title “man’s best friend” while cats spent that time perfecting the art of spitting up hairballs. Your dog would rather sleep outside on the ground with you than inside a warm, comfortable house. Your cat is kind of hoping you’ll die so he can eat you. Dogs use the bathroom outside. Cats stink up your house by insisting on using a litter box. Dogs are renowned for their loyalty. Cats are mainly known for murdering small animals and dropping them in front of their owners in an attempt to horrify and intimidate them. The very fact that dogs chase cats is actually proof that they’re concerned about the welfare of human beings and are trying to stop them from getting cat cooties.

cat and dog

4) Dogs are happy and fun while cats are generally annoying.

Sure, cats are cute when they play with toys, but so are dogs. Of course, dogs also don’t generally scatter the contents of their litter box across the floor, scratch you until they draw blood for random reasons, and generally get in the way of whatever you’re doing. On the other hand, you pick up a paper and the cat lies on it. Try to go to sleep and the cat walks on your face. Walk down the stairs and the cat runs between your legs. Dogs want to be your pal, while your cat will only tolerate you because you feed it and because secretly, it wants to work with a coven of other felines to turn you into a crazy cat lady.

5) Cats would murder you if they could.

Dogs are friendly animals that view human beings not so much as their servants or masters, but as part of their pack. They love and accept people as their friends, their equals, and their brothers in the animal kingdom. On the other hand, cat lovers should be honest enough to admit the truth: Your cat would eat you and everyone you love if it could. Worse yet, it would toy with you, enjoying your suffering and fear — as it bats you around with its claws before it grows tired of your mournful cries and engineers your grisly demise with its razor-sharp teeth. Remember that the next time you are giving your little snoogums a kiss before night night.

****

Related at PJ Lifestyle from John Hawkins:

5 Things My Dogs Taught Me About Human Beings



TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor; Pets/Animals
KEYWORDS: cats; dogs; kittyping; pets
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1 posted on 02/25/2013 10:05:23 AM PST by SeekAndFind
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To: SeekAndFind

I like cats and dogs equally. However, we have cats because no one is home during the day and the cats don’t mind it. They also hunt down rodents and other varmints around our property thus proving their worth.


2 posted on 02/25/2013 10:10:35 AM PST by Trapped Behind Enemy Lines
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To: SeekAndFind


3 posted on 02/25/2013 10:13:39 AM PST by KC_Lion (Build the America you want to live in at your address, and keep looking up.-Sarah Palin)
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To: SeekAndFind

bump to show to my wife when I get home from work


4 posted on 02/25/2013 10:21:58 AM PST by BlueLancer ("Oh, man, that's a lot of Indians!" [LTC George A. Custer, 1876, near the Little Bighorn Valley])
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To: Trapped Behind Enemy Lines

I’ve heard firemen say when they’ve gone on calls to enter the home of an elderly person who has died, their pet dogs were eating the parts of the body. So nasty......


5 posted on 02/25/2013 10:24:49 AM PST by dragonblustar (Allah Ain't So Akbar!)
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To: dragonblustar

Cats as well.....


6 posted on 02/25/2013 10:27:20 AM PST by nevergore ("It could be that the purpose of my life is simply to serve as a warning to others.")
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To: dragonblustar

That’s a new one....never heard of domestic cats doing that before. Now feral cats....that’s another matter. They are capable of just about anything. Among the worst pests imaginable.


7 posted on 02/25/2013 10:32:21 AM PST by Trapped Behind Enemy Lines
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To: dragonblustar; nevergore; Trapped Behind Enemy Lines

In a 1990 study done at the University of California, Davis, researchers found dog saliva killed E. coli and Streptococcus canis, another harmful bacteria. The scientists concluded that when mother dogs licked their nipples it helped keep puppies free from disease, and that dogs licking their own wounds accomplished the same goal.

I found this here:

http://www2.gi.alaska.edu/ScienceForum/ASF12/1234.html


8 posted on 02/25/2013 10:35:56 AM PST by SeekAndFind
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To: KC_Lion

Four dogs in my house. People ask me what kind of dogs I have.

Well...:

One good ole boy
one baby girl
Two retards

All four of them would take a bullet for me. If you ask me about my dogs, be prepared for at least 5 hours of non-stop stories from a man that doesn’t talk alot to begin with. They are so fun and so intertaining. Never a dull moment in my house.


9 posted on 02/25/2013 10:39:35 AM PST by envisio (Its on like Donkey Kong!!)
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To: SeekAndFind

Try this test.....

Lock your wife in the trunk of a car for two hours....
Lock a cat in the trunk of a car for two hours.....
Lock your dog in the trunk of a car for two hours.....

Then after openning, see which one is glad to see you...

Dogs are man’s best friend....


10 posted on 02/25/2013 10:43:04 AM PST by nevergore ("It could be that the purpose of my life is simply to serve as a warning to others.")
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To: SeekAndFind

I’ve always allowed friendly dogs to lick my face. Now it’s good to know there is health benefit as well.


11 posted on 02/25/2013 10:43:22 AM PST by Trapped Behind Enemy Lines
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To: SeekAndFind

1) humans bred dogs to be needy..

2) humans bred cats to be much less needy..

Note: God didn’t make domestic dogs and cats.. humans did..


12 posted on 02/25/2013 10:43:58 AM PST by hosepipe (This propaganda has been edited to include some fully orbed hyperbole..)
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To: SeekAndFind
".....so they can steal your breath after you fall asleep. An old wives’ tale?"

No it is not an old wives tale. When I was twelve, during the night a stray cat came in through an open window. I was startled awake with his mouth over my nose.

13 posted on 02/25/2013 10:46:06 AM PST by Spunky
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To: nevergore

RE: Dogs are man’s best friend....

It’s true, my dog is the first one to greet me when I come home. Wagging her tail and licking me when I enter the door.


14 posted on 02/25/2013 10:47:53 AM PST by SeekAndFind
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To: SeekAndFind
             
15 posted on 02/25/2013 11:00:29 AM PST by tomkat
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To: SeekAndFind
"Your cat would eat you and everyone you love if it could."

Yes - which is the cool, edgy thing about having cats around.
Right there snuggled up next to my face - a killing machine - if it were the size of those Dobermans down the block it would kill me in my sleep.

Cats - not for the faint of heart.

16 posted on 02/25/2013 11:05:52 AM PST by Psalm 73 ("Gentlemen, you can't fight in here - this is the War Room".)
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To: Psalm 73
if it were the size of those Dobermans down the block it would kill me in my sleep.

I have a hard time believing a 100 lb cat would wait for you to go to sleep.

17 posted on 02/25/2013 11:18:27 AM PST by thackney (life is fragile, handle with prayer)
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To: SeekAndFind

I like dogs ok, but they have some habits that just get on my nerves.

They try to smell my crotch when I meet them.

They don’t bury their own poo, like cats do. You have to go around after them and pick up their poo for their entire lives.

They jump up on me and try to lick my face. With the same tongue that they ate their own feces with.

They bark and won’t shut up without being yelled at by their owners.

I do appreciate that they are the dear friends of their owners, who will overlook all this in return for the loyalty and friendship. I am just daunted by taking on all of the foregoing, and won’t be surprised if I skip dog ownership for the duration.


18 posted on 02/25/2013 11:21:57 AM PST by married21
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To: SeekAndFind

My dogs love me so much they just had to show me what was inside the couch cushions. I’m certain they thought it was something I absolutely wanted to know.


19 posted on 02/25/2013 11:22:56 AM PST by BubbaBasher ("Liberty will not long survive the total extinction of morals" - Sam Adams)
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To: SeekAndFind

Meanwhile, the cat only comes to greet you, when they hear the can opener.


20 posted on 02/25/2013 11:27:01 AM PST by dfwgator
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To: married21
They bark and won’t shut up without being yelled at by their owners.

I had a dog that if you yelled at it, the barking would increase. They just think you are joining in the barking. So, they're happy 'cause you are doing something with them, and they love their people.

21 posted on 02/25/2013 11:31:11 AM PST by LibertarianLiz
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To: married21
I do appreciate that they are the dear friends of their owners, who will overlook all this in return for the loyalty and friendship.

For many people, the dog also provides a level of security, both as defensive action as well as alarm system. That factor is significant in many situations.

I grew up in a very rural setting. Our home was broken into three times, all times between loosing and replacing a large dog.

22 posted on 02/25/2013 11:37:43 AM PST by thackney (life is fragile, handle with prayer)
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To: thackney
Ever see the old Geico commercial about a couple that adopted a Rescue-Panther for night-time home security?

Worth looking up.

23 posted on 02/25/2013 11:39:11 AM PST by Psalm 73 ("Gentlemen, you can't fight in here - this is the War Room".)
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To: Trapped Behind Enemy Lines

Stoneham MA about ten years ago. Cops did a Welfare check on an old lady. First cop came running out of the house with a bunch of cats on him. They ate the old lady and had a acquired a taste for Human Blood which made them insane. All 90 cats had to be destroyed.


24 posted on 02/25/2013 11:40:22 AM PST by massgopguy (I owe everything to George Bailey)
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To: SeekAndFind

My Corgi eats my cat’s poo. Even when kitty-litter encrusted.


25 posted on 02/25/2013 11:40:29 AM PST by texas_mrs
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To: SeekAndFind

Just keep on letting that dog lick you in the face. LOL!


26 posted on 02/25/2013 11:41:12 AM PST by RJS1950 (The democrats are the "enemies foreign and domestic" cited in the federal oath)
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To: SeekAndFind

No that isn’t your cat. That’s my cat! What’s he doing in your kitchen sink?


27 posted on 02/25/2013 11:43:03 AM PST by Wiser now (Socialism does not eliminate poverty, it guarantees it.)
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To: SeekAndFind

No that isn’t your cat. That’s my cat! What’s he doing in your kitchen sink?


28 posted on 02/25/2013 11:43:41 AM PST by Wiser now (Socialism does not eliminate poverty, it guarantees it.)
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To: LibertarianLiz

That’s funny. I appreciate the insight into their thinking.


29 posted on 02/25/2013 11:47:15 AM PST by married21
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To: SeekAndFind; Slings and Arrows

Over to you Slings And Arrows. :)=^..^=


30 posted on 02/25/2013 11:48:00 AM PST by Biggirl ("Jesus talked to us as individuals"-Jim Vicevich/Thanks JimV!)
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To: SeekAndFind

Our cat does the same thing. He watches for us from the bedroom window and when the car pulls into the driveway he jumps down and runs for the garage door.


31 posted on 02/25/2013 11:48:15 AM PST by Wiser now (Socialism does not eliminate poverty, it guarantees it.)
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To: Spunky

He thought it was a warm air vent?


32 posted on 02/25/2013 11:48:51 AM PST by married21
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To: LibertarianLiz
I had a dog that if you yelled at it, the barking would increase. They just think you are joining in the barking.

My dogs would start barking when I parked in front of the house and walked to the front door. They would stop when the were assured it was me. Often, I would get up close to the window and bark back at them for both our entertainment.

My barking at the house has also cut down on the time-wasting chit-chat from the neighbors.

33 posted on 02/25/2013 11:52:02 AM PST by thackney (life is fragile, handle with prayer)
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To: massgopguy

Sounds like they had to drive stakes through their hearts to kill them.


34 posted on 02/25/2013 11:52:54 AM PST by Trapped Behind Enemy Lines
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To: Spunky

It’s an old wives tale from medieval times when cats were nearly wiped out as familiars of the devil. Cats had the last laugh when a third of the population of Europed died of plague brought by rats that were not controlled by the decimated cat population. I’ve had my cats put their paws on my nose or flop down directly against my face, but unless you are stone drunk or already dead you quickly move; when you quickly move the cat also quickly moves. Our cats were also extremely protective of our kids when they were young. They’d hiss and claw at any stranger who tried to touch them when they were asleep. As far as protection, most dogs can be bought off with a slab of meat. Cats rule, dogs drool.


35 posted on 02/25/2013 11:53:37 AM PST by RJS1950 (The democrats are the "enemies foreign and domestic" cited in the federal oath)
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To: thackney

Yes. The guard dog/watch dog duty can be important. When I was little, my parents had a dog that guarded me. I guess I was his little sheep, until I got to the point that I could open the back gate and go visit the neighbors by myself.


36 posted on 02/25/2013 11:55:52 AM PST by married21
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To: Wiser now
When I get home I am met by two cats, one who wants to tell me all about their day while the other makes a little chirp from time to time.

I honestly think that people who say that their cats aren't friendly didn't raise them right.

37 posted on 02/25/2013 11:56:07 AM PST by Harmless Teddy Bear (Promotional Fee Paid for by "Ouchies" The Sharp, Prickly Toy You Bathe With!)
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To: SeekAndFind

This was funny.


38 posted on 02/25/2013 12:05:53 PM PST by sauropod (I will not comply)
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To: SeekAndFind

I adore dogs, but cats, even more so.

I never had a cat that didn’t come running to greet me. When I was a kid, we had a tomcat that LOVED my dad. Every evening, about ten minutes before my dad was due home from work, that cat would park himself at the storm door and watch, occasionally getting up on his hind legs for a better look. When the car came into sight, he would start meowing, and when Daddy came in, he just went crazy, purring and winding around my father’s legs.

There’s nothing like cat love!


39 posted on 02/25/2013 12:13:21 PM PST by CatherineofAragon (Support Christian white males---the architects of the jewel known as Western Civilization)
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To: Spunky

I was startled awake with his mouth over my nose.

***
Maybe he was sick of your snoring. :)


40 posted on 02/25/2013 12:14:34 PM PST by Bigg Red (Restore us, O God of hosts; let your face shine, that we may be saved! -Ps80)
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To: thackney

No, of course not. We already know this, because there are 100+ lb cats... called mountain lions.

They wait until your back is turned, then they attack the neck/head area.


41 posted on 02/25/2013 12:16:04 PM PST by NVDave
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To: BlueLancer

Normally, I would show it to my husband, but he is still blue about our cat who went missing about a month ago — during a spell of subfreezing temps. :(


42 posted on 02/25/2013 12:17:53 PM PST by Bigg Red (Restore us, O God of hosts; let your face shine, that we may be saved! -Ps80)
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To: SeekAndFind

After owning cats and dogs for 60 years, my body made the choice for me. I became allergic to cats. I probably always was allergic to some degree but when it became intolerable I had to choose. I have 4 dogs and I hope the same thing doesn’t happen with them.


43 posted on 02/25/2013 12:21:14 PM PST by Ditter
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To: RJS1950

When I was growing up, we always had at least one dog and at least one cat in the house. I remember that a girl in our neighborhood remarked one day after my baby brother came home from the hospital that cats will suck the breath out of babies. When I asked my mother about it, she said it was not true but, that, perhaps cats sometimes smell milk on a baby and might get curious. Now, I realize that that was probably not true either but a good guess.

Fast forward to the birth of my first child. My husband and I had a cat that I had adopted, before we were married, when I found it as an abandoned kitten. We used to let it sleep at the foot of our bed (which was unusual for me because I am very picky about the cleanliness of my bed).

The first night my newborn son was home, he was sleeping between hubby and me because I was breastfeeding. When I was awakened by the sound of the baby’s labored breathing, I found that dang cat, which at that point weighed more than the infant, sleeping right on baby’s chest. My conclusion was that kitty had found a nice warm spot that he liked. Maybe it was that but maybe not. I don’t know, but we got rid of the cat ASAP. Perhaps dead babies were found sometimes with cats on top of them because of a situation like this....


44 posted on 02/25/2013 12:33:11 PM PST by Bigg Red (Restore us, O God of hosts; let your face shine, that we may be saved! -Ps80)
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To: Spunky
"I was startled awake with his mouth over my nose."

LOL! Same thing happened to me. Except my cat was actually attacking my nose because I was snoring! This always cracked up my (ex) wife.

45 posted on 02/25/2013 12:48:08 PM PST by Dacus943
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To: Harmless Teddy Bear

Could be. This cat started life with our daughter whonallowed him to roam. He has the scars to show for it. But he has been an indoor cat with us about three years now and he sticks to us like glue.
We rarely have to go looking for him.


46 posted on 02/25/2013 1:16:08 PM PST by Wiser now (Socialism does not eliminate poverty, it guarantees it.)
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To: nevergore
Try this test.....

Lock your wife in the trunk of a car for two hours....<>P> Lock a cat in the trunk of a car for two hours.....

Lock your dog in the trunk of a car for two hours.....

Then after openning, see which one is glad to see you... Dogs are man’s best friend....

Hell Yeah, it's true! I tried that with my First wife, my third dog, and my last cat.. :)

47 posted on 02/25/2013 1:25:24 PM PST by carlo3b (Less Government, more Fiber)
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To: SeekAndFind

Three kids ago, my wife used to greet me that way...

Sigh, I guess I better go let her out of the trunk....


48 posted on 02/25/2013 1:27:01 PM PST by nevergore ("It could be that the purpose of my life is simply to serve as a warning to others.")
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To: Biggirl; Slings and Arrows; Glenn; republicangel; Beaker; BADROTOFINGER; etabeta; asgardshill; ...


49 posted on 02/25/2013 1:33:40 PM PST by Slings and Arrows (You can't have IngSoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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Comment #50 Removed by Moderator


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